♡

Dazai always desired death. He threw himself into its arms and always greeted it like an old friend. But right now he hated it with all his rotten heart.

The blood everywhere distracted him, inducing even more panic. His hands weren't shaking, but everything was screaming with pain inside, his heart was racing.

"Listen to me!" Odasaku grabbed his hand with his bloody one, pulling him out of his chaotic thoughts. He flicked his eyes to his face, calm as always, but unusually pale. He was dying. "You once said that you entered the life of violence and blood to find a reason to live on..."

What?

"Yes, I said that, but why now...?"

"You won't find it," Odasaku spoke quietly, knocking the air out of Dazai, "I think you must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You'll wander the darkness for eternity."

Wake me up from this rotten dream about life.

Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Words were loudly pounding in his head, breaking all the thoughts. Everything froze inside, his eyes stinging uncomfortably. He knew Odasaku was looking at him differently. But he'd never think he understood him better than he appeared to. Odasaku had a place in his heart, he was one of the few, but, perhaps, the most special person.

"Odasaku...I...What should I do...?"

His voice was miserable, but Dazai couldn't care less, because he felt the emptiness inside of him stronger.

Don't leave. No, no, no, don't leave me.

"Become a person who saves people," the brown-haired didn't believe what he heard. He raised his head sharply, meeting the soft, but tired eyes, "Both sides are equal, so be a better man. Save weak people, protect orphans. You don't see a big difference between evil and justice...but it's a right thing to do."

"How do you know?"

"I know. I know better than anyone else," Dazai was peering into his blue eyes, that were shining with confidence. The calm and peaceful sea after storm was swaying in his eyes. His ribs tightened, heart squeezing with worry. Oda's lips stretch into a soft smile, "I'm your friend."

He could swear he heard something break inside of him. Maybe, it was his heart?

Always.

"Got it. I'll do so."

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original by ddaaazai