I was a pretty happy kid. I grew up in a loving family, in a nice house and we had no troubles with money. It was a great life. But as I got older, I began to notice something that later began to slowly eat me away- I was, and still am, pretty out of the loop. And that's why my story begins when it does. Seventh grade.

I can't remember exactly when it was, nor what I was doing- wait, scratch that. I had a slight taste of homosexuality earlier on. Probably fifth grade or so, but I didn't realize. Someone, who used to be a good friend at the time, asked me a question. She asked, "Would you date anyone?" I, being the young and uninformed little girl I was, thought she was asking if I would date a handicapped person or someone deemed unattractive. I replied with a yes. She then told me that I was pansexual. I just shrugged off the encounter and continued on with my life. Now, sadly, this friend and I had a very toxic friendship, but I won't get into that.

Anyways, into seventh grade. For me, the beginning of middle school. Still the happy-go-lucky kid I was, I began my journey of being a seventh grader. Most likely my first introduction was from a friend, Ariana (apologies for the misspelling), in my homeroom class (also known as advisory or that extra time built into the day for homework), who is someone I am actually close friends with now, sat near me. She had long, lilac hair and a "go screw yourself" attitude. We talked every so often, and I found that she was a cool person to be around. Sometime, the subject of homosexuality came up. She told me she was bisexual- and later I learned she identified with something else, but I'll get to that later. I must have asked about it further, not knowing what it was. That was my introduction to the LGBTQ+ community.

(One thing that I'd like to clearly state is that I never believed in elementary school that I was attracted to girls. Why? I simply believed it wasn't possible. My brain simply never let the thought cross it's twisting paths. Besides, I was too busy with school, dance, and my other activities.)

It was also the start of many nights when I would lie awake, contemplating myself. Am I a lesbian? Am I bisexual? Am I straight? What am I? I remember staring at the female teachers' chests, but did that mean anything? Was my first, longtime crush on a guy not as real as I thought it was?  More than six months pass before I come to a conclusion- I'm bi. I never went through the denial phase, mostly because it was portrayed as a positive thing. I began telling people, bla bla bla.

I had my first crush on a female, oh, within a month? Her name is Paige. She was, and I guess still is, extremely pretty. She's also bisexual. I later learned she's also an Instagram model or something and empty. She gave off a vibe of self-confidence and dang it I just wanted to kiss her. I specifically remember my first eighth grade dance talking with a friend and flipping out while she was standing right in front of me. Then by the end of the dance I had heard that her boyfriend broke up with her. I was like, oh score!

I wish I could say it was like a fairytale. It was quite the opposite.

Nothing happened and I literally just pined some more.

I am super, extremely, stupidly introverted. I hate it so very much. Spoiler alert, nothing happened, like, ever. I, at least before school ended, saw her in the hallways and wondered what would have happened if I chased her down and got my fairytale. Alas, that's not what fate had in mind for me.

Fate, or the fates if you're into Greek mythology, gave me a stronger friendship instead. At first I didn't care. I was all like, "Well, cool, she's awesome and all, but whatever. What could this happy, innocent girl do to impact me?"

*Giant spoiler* she's not who she seems.

We had speech and theatre class together that year during last quarter. Her name is Lucy. Earlier that year, she came to my school. I met her in my gym class, which was the only class we shared at the time, and I thought she was nice. Nothing special. However, we became better friends during that class. She gave me her number in the hallway one day. We had a project where we wrote a speech about a person, and we paired up. Technically, we were forced into a group of three, so we circled it around. I wrote my speech about Lucy, she wrote hers about the other girl, and the other girl wrote about me.

Great presentation, I got an A, whatever. I passed seventh grade with flying colors, and moved into eighth grade. Still crushing on Paige, still extremely happy. I fell in love with Charlie Puth's music, and I wanted to make more friends. I made the cheer squad that year as well.

Then it all crumbled.

She-who-shall-not-be-named, aka one of my cheer coaches, aka Mrs. Bitchtastic, was extremely rude. She would glance at us and say, "wipe that attitude off of your face or you go home." She, funnily enough, she taught my speech and theatre class last year and I didn't think she was bad. But I've now heard stories of her making children cry. But anyway, her involvement with my story. She wasn't the most motivating and made me feel unworthy. I guess you could say those feelings stuck a bit.

I wish I could say for certain that I'm depressed or whatever, but I can't. I can only base it around what I see on the internet. I've learned that my parents' only concern is how I present myself to the world, and they probably don't give two shits about my mental health. But after cheer, and probably some other things I can't remember, my view of life drastically changed. Around this time I also decided to reread the Percy Jackson books and became obsessed.

One day, I made the decision that I wanted to check out a well known emo band known as My Chemical Romance. I specifically remember it was late Friday night, in my bedroom, lights off, and me lying on my bed with earbuds in. At first I was hesitant, because I was new to heavier rock and just the emo lyrics in general, but one song changed it all for me. "The Light Behind Your Eyes" from Conventional Weapons became one of my favorites instantly.

And here is when I decided to read fanfiction. I asked my friend Ariana what I should do. She recommended Wattpad to me.

Wait, whoops. Tricked you. Remember how I said I learned later another identity Ariana identified with? Well I tricked you into thinking he's a female. His name is actually Alex. He lived the life of a female until he told people he's actually a male. Did you fall for it?

Anyways, Alex recommended wattpad to me (his account is nannas34 and he has a good Drarry fic if you're interested). I joined, and fell in love at first search. I used the browser first, but later I got the app because it's easier. I had tons of amazing solangelo fanfiction at my fingertips!

But then we get into some spicy gay stuff. Remember Lucy? She also happened to love the Percy Jackson books. One random night, we texted for two hours straight. Actually, it wasn't very straight because admitted to liking me.

ME?!

HOW?!

(I still don't know. Maybe she'll comment. I know you will Lparker725 )

Luckily at that time I had given up/changed my mind about Paige. It was around midnight by that time. We chatted for a couple more minutes before we said our goodbyes, and she was all I could think about.

Wow, I didn't see that coming.

Do I like her?

Maybe I like her, romantically.

Or not. It's midnight so you're not the most rational right now.

So I slept on it. And when I woke up, I was still in turmoil. It took me a bit to realize something about myself.

I am attracted to people who are attracted to me.

Sounds weird at first. But I find all girls unattractive until I learn that they like girls. Gay guys are unattractive to me too. Or anyone that's aromantic. So it's not just specifics. But learning that someone had, like, fallen for me specifically? I was hooked. So I decided yes. I made an effort (me, the introvert who likes music more than people, tried hanging out with another human) to hang out with her.

Long story short, we decided to watch The Mortal Instruments together, and I may have cuddled up against her. Just maybe. Then she asked me out, bla bla bla basic dating stuff. But I was HAPPY. Finally, someone who cares about me AND shared some of my issues (not going into that for privacy reasons).

And you know what? We're happy. I began writing, being social via Wattpad, and I gained some gay and not-so-gay friends. I even came out to my parents, who were chill. My dad's only concern was that my children have to be raised Jewish. But what matters is that I found a community here, which is what I needed. I may not be the most mentally stable, nor the nicest person, but I have support for when I need it. Right now, it's summer, about 3 (Oh no I've lost track don't let her see this) months since we began dating. I survived the eighth grade, and my life is fairly decent right now.

So thank you for reading this little thing for #UnlimitedPride. Also, they probably won't care, but thank you, Wattpad, for being extremely LGBTQ+ friendly. I appreciate the community I have joined here, and I understand it's not easy to be so openly supportive of of such a controversial subject.

Huge shoutout to everyone, both on Wattpad and not, who has helped me, even if they haven't realized it.

Now shoo! Go live your gay- I mean best lives. :)