I need to be able to feel something in order to  stay calm. These thoughts going through my head taught me to silence the noise around. I would prefer not to have to but it helps making my experience less horrible. This calm is the key to keep my sanity to some level. I might loose it again but I know that I can always go back to that empty room. Maybe I should accept this useless help I am being given. Letting people in my life is what is making it so horrible. I can't risk to be betrayed again. People around me are the reason why I hate that world  we live in. Knowing all that should've made my life better. The real problem is that I don't want people around me to think that they can affect me. I am not the kind of people open to other's suggestion about my life. I can make my own choice until proof of the opposite.