She searched through the trashcan for the untempt time as she kicked her feet in air exasperated.

It should be here!

No-one should know!!

she chanted as she went through and around her college searching for the book she threw in her angst.

She never intended to throw it in college arena's trash...

yet she did, regretting it uncontrollably.

Her body shivered as she slumped against the toilet door closing it.

"No-no!!" she murmured again and again as her panic increased...

Thud! Thud!

She panted against the door holding onto her breath as the person opposite the door kept on banging.

Falling onto her knees she tried grabbing the knob as fortunately it opened and entered a girl panicked.

"Hey!!" She took hold of her and tried calming the girl.

"Everything is fine! Shhh!" patting her back and letting her sit in comfortable position.

Removing her specs, she tried splashing some water on her face to calm her down.

After calming down she dashed out the toilet and into the parking lot sitting in her car and calling the only person she could trust.

"I lost it!!" She cried as this realization dawned on her.

Yes she burnt it and threw it away but only to erase that hurt and negativity...

She never thought she would ever lose it!!

She can't even think about the consequences of someone getting to know about it!!

"What to do?!!" She cried once again as the speaker opposite tried calming her down through words.

"I think it must've been thrown in trash. Calm down, no one will know about it!" 

"Bu-But I threw it today!" She murmured thinking about the possibilities.

"Calm down! Forget about it and start anew! It's a great sign for you now!!" 

She pondered over her bestie's words as she wiped off her tears and nodded sighing deeply.

"Good girl" She hung up the phone and prepared for the next step...

She had to do this anyway!

You can do it!!

She chimed.

Dialing the number with her shivering hands she let the call ring as it got picked on 2nd ring as his voice revibrated in her car as she felt her nerves calm a bit.

"Hey baby!" His whisper sang aloud in her heart as she heaved inaudibly.

She could never understand this guy..

He cares for her, he understands her, he is gentle!

He is a man of every girl's dream..

Damn he loves her!! 

but she- "Neil!" She whispered softly not understanding this deep tug in her heart.

She doesn't know what she feels for him.

She loves him! 

She knows.

But there was this big problem. 

"Are you free tonight? I wished if we could catch up and-and" She stuttered as her thoughts jumbled up and she heaved once again thinking about her past.

"Hey-hey aaram se!!" Neil voiced out calmly calming her nerves.

Tears cascaded down her face as she heard him speak further...."Yeah I am free! Let's meet at your place first then decide the destination? hmm?" he nudged while she held in her sob and responded gently.

She could never be someone he wished, she concluded.

He is so gentle and so kind!

While she is no-one, a person who can't even appreciate her loved ones.

She is a face which can never be remembered or gave an importance to..

She is nothing!

"You are nothing!" She spoke staring at herself Infront of mirror dressed in red ready to go on her date with Neil.

She smiled as the bell rung, the smile which never reached her eyes before...

But now it was always there whenever she was with Neil.

Walking confidently Infront of Neil she paced towards him melting in his embrace as his hold let her crumble, encircling her arms around him she basked in his warmth calming her nervous heart.

Don't make a fool of yourself!

He will hate you!

She repeated again as she sat throughout the dinner eating his favorite lasagna which she never liked.

You have to be perfect!

You have to be someone to be loved.

"Avi?" Neil voiced softly as they both settled on the bench upon Avni's request due to her heels killing her feet. 

It was a lie she had to say in order to not get another panic attack.

"Hmm?" She replied counting the stars and calming her racing heart to remain normal.

"Do you really love me?" His question threw her off guard as she looked in his direction losing herself in his auburn orbs.

This man!

She loves him! yes, she does! "I do!" but at the cost of what? His oblivion to her true self?

"I love you! Neil!" She whispered pushing those thoughts aside as she held his hands in hers wanting all the warmth he had greedily. 

Neil Hugged her as she closed her eyes hiding those unshed tears, she always had during those pretty moments with him.

"If there is anything, you must come find me!" He ordered as he stroked her hair as they now both gazed at the beautiful night, one thinking about how to oblique to his command as the other loved each and every moment together.

..............................................

Fiddling with her fingers she sat on the couch waiting for Neil to comeback as she gazed at the television playing a movie which she can't remember.

Getting lost in her thoughts which wandered around her book she remembered each and every word she wrote.

It's you who crushed those astounding words,

'Emotional' you said to the boring nerd,

You crashed and stumped crushing it down,

I flayed and trailed with no full stop nor crown...

'Hold your Crown' they say, I heard 

For you I begged as low I could..

Pain in slumber is what I always felt,

Askew and aloof was in return you melt...

She cannot forget how lost and vulnerable it always felt, it felt more wrong when she wrote this stuff even after dating Neil!

It felt so wrong... it is wrong to Neil!

"It is wrong to you!" She murmured within herself oblivious to Neil who was gazing at her carefully.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned as he gazed at her pale face which turned ghostly white upon realizing his presence beside her.

"No-Nothing!" She fumbled as she sat up straight her fingers fiddling nervously on her hoodie strings...gazing below she murmured again, "Nothing is wrong!" 

Neil took hold of her shoulder as he sat her straight and looked into her teary orbs which held so much pain, shocking Neil..

"Why are you crying?" He asked tensed, thinking back to his actions and analyzing anything he had done.

"Did I do something? Please Avi tell me!" He pleaded as Avni fell silent sitting stiffly onto the couch, television in the background filling the silence.

"I love you Neil!" She teared as she snuggled her head closer to his chest holding his arm seeping in strength.

Neil stroked her hair carefully and gently as he waited for her sniffs to stop, it scared him how she cried silently in his hold..

"I love him so much, it scares my might..." She whispered holding Neil's interest as he kept stroking her head listening to her words intently.

"I can't find any word nor the heart to chime,.." 

"Staring at the invincible silhouette of her love she fears;"

"Could she ever get in touch of him? Oh dear!" Neil's arm halted suddenly upon her words as similar words and thoughts filled his head....

"Waiting for these unshed tears to reveal;" Holding onto his arm she kept it again on her head as she peered at his face with her tear-filled eyes baring her love for him to see...

"The supreme power of love and adoration, she prevails!"

His gaze softened as his heart teared upon her crumbling feat, How did he not notice this?

"Who did this?" He shivered as his palm stroked her strands resting on her cheek wiping few tears with his thumb.

"Who hurt you Avi?" 

His heart could not bear hearing those words she uttered.

It might be his misconception, he fought, as he asked another question to her.

"Do you write a diary? A book filled with poems?" He bared the question without any care as his body shuddered in apprehension of the bitter truth which he denied to accept.

"Was it you?" He teared upon her silence as Avni sat there unresponsive.

Her heart thudded in her chest aching to be relieved as she lost the last string she held onto.

It was a book, diary of hers...

She was fine before, she managed the pain of losing it to someone..but it shattered her insides as it had reached the last person she imagined to be.

How could her fate be so cruel?

How could she confront Neil and say that it was all written when he was with her!!

She loved him for God's sake!

"I love you Neil!" Her shivering voice reached Neil's ears as he held her arms gently still both seated on the couch trying to calm her body which shivered similar to her words and his heart.

Neil watched astonished and baffled at her reply...  

He did not know what to do?! His world shattered the moment he realized he's hurting her, or rather she's hurting under his care.

"What happened Avi?! Please tell me!!" He begged as he now sat on his knees below facing her tears cascading down his cheeks.

'Hatred and love are two poles apart,
But when it's you it never ceases to start,'

His head swirled as each and every word registered in his mind, was he the reason?

'Truth to be told to the cruel you,
I'm bound to these tears thanks to you...'

How could he be the reason for her pain ? when he loved her so much?

"Avi please tell me!!" He shouted shaking her body as she came out of the reverie.

"I'm sorry!!" She sobbed as her heart broke into pieces afraid of telling him the ultimate truth and pain.

"I'm so sorry!" It's her past she knew, each and every ink she swirled on with her thoughts, she knew... It could never be Neil, he is kind, he is amazing...unlike her!

She cannot imagine living this second without Neil supporting her.

She feared looking into his eyes...So much love!!

She could never bare him loving her so much...her tears spoke volumes when she could not.

"Why are you saying sorry? Bacha!!" Neil shook his head, "It's me who should!! I caused you so much pain, I am the one who should suffer! Not you!!" His fingers shivered upon her warm skin gliding through her tears wishing for them to disappear.

 He could not remember a single moment her ever said anything to Avni!! 

Not in his dreams could he ever think of saying or hurting her!

Her breathing rose as her body shivered more scaring Neil...With widened eyes Neil held her close to him patting her back as the feeling of angst seeped into his veins.

"Bacha!! Breathe!"He ordered her, his voice firm which contrasted to his hands patting her back and stroking her hair gently, hugging her close to her feeling her breathing leveling.

He stood up once he was assured of her panic decreasing to fill a glass of water, rushing towards the open kitchen he fetched the glass and returned to hand it to her but was halted mid pace due to her feeble voice.

"I " She uttered very weakly afraid of letting Neil know as she raised her red teary eyes to gaze his concerned ones.

"-am nothing!" Her voice broke along with shattering Neil.

He stumbled as he sat on the couch spilling the water with the glass forgotten on the rug.

His mind and body could not work as his world which was filled with these lively charcoal eyes is now broken with her blank stare.

She uttered those words so easily!

"You are my everything!!" He glared at her blank stare still sat away from her, nothing he would do will make her understand, he noticed.

"You are my damn world!!" He continued as her tears stopped for no-one.

"I'm sorry you felt that way even when I was with you!!" He cried as he witnessed her lips shivering to speak yet restrained by his next words. "I'm sorry!" He bared himself infront of her.."I love you, Avi!! I will leave you if it bothers you and pains you!! But I will never stop loving you!" 

Avni felt herself embracing him as they both cried for their painful love.

It was a cruel fate Avni had where there was a guy she loved, "Advait!" 

She cried in his embrace reminiscing her old love.

"Neil I loved him!! I loved him so much but-but" Neil kept on stroking her hair as she urged her to speak further settling on the ground holding her closer towards him with his jacket covering her nestled under his chin.

Honestly it hurts him to hear about her confession for some other guy, but he had to do that for her... 

His arm tightened around her as she sobbed along with reciting her part.

"I tried my best Neil ! really, I wore all the dresses he loved, I cooked for him his favorite dishes! I-I changed my style of clothing! I removed those nerdy glasses!" She hiccupped as Neil enraged for the struggle and pain she was put through.

"He said I am nothing Neil!" She cried as she fisted his shirt and melted in his arms.

He waited for her to finish her part...he waited patiently,

It was then when Avni's tears stopped she gazed at his teary eyes.

"Why were you with me Avi?" 

It pained him to ask her this..right now, but he could not fathom of her being with him without her initial consent.

He was a full to ask her in front of everyone.

"I love you Neil!" She responded which pierced his heart.

Before Neil could voice out anymore she continued, a bit more calmed.

"I love you Neil! which I don't deserve, I'm scared I will be nothing to you...Honestly speaking-" She chuckled bitterly gazing at him in irony. "I'm nothing, I know myself!"

Neil shook his head denying her words.

"It's you who always shut these thoughts of mine!" she smiled.

"You helped me to live better even after knowing how unworthy I am!" a lone tear left a wet trail among the other dried ones on her cheek as Neil was soon there to wipe it.

"Shhh! Shhh!' He trembled, "You are hurting me Avi!" he whispered holding her closer to him, his forehead touching hers.

Wishing to transfer his thoughts to her.

"God! I can't even say what I think about you!!" he chuckled as various thoughts and scenarios played in his mind.

"You have no idea, how crazy I am driven by you! You make me, Me Avi!" He smiled gazing her loving gaze.

"You have no idea!" His voice broke as he hugged her tight to him.

How much did she meant!!

"Really?" Her meek voice could be heard under his chin as he hummed tightening his hold to prove it.

"I'm sorry!" This time she apologized to him for her fault to think about those stupid things.

"I won't accept you sorry!" He denied as he sat far away from her.

She gazed concerned at him, what could se do?

She got lost in finding ways to cheer him up when Neil sighed exasperated and pulled her closer to him resting his arm on her slim waist.

"Offo buddhu!! You just had to do this!!"He remarked as he closed the distance between them letting her know of his intention.

His lips met hers ferociously as he gently nibbled at them still angry at her to feel so disheartened, her hands held his face closer as she closed her eyes with joyous tears flowing out of them mingling with their breath and kiss.

Parting away from her he gazed concerned at her tear stained cheeks, he parted his lips to ask which was soon left shut with her lips on his demanding for more,

He smiled with pride as his arm snaked around her waist pulling her closer to him.

He vowed that day to never leave this girl Alone.

He rested his forehead on hers as he whispered his lips touching hers at each words he spoke, holding her gaze never leaving them.

"It's his love, he speaks,

With utmost power and strength to relive.

He'll never leave her unattended and raw, 

Was and will be his  thirst to savor and never withdraw..."

She teared once again when she held him close to her heart combing her fingers through his hair, as he sealed his promise with a small on her lips, a soft smile gracing on their lips.

-------------------------------------------------

Hope you'll like it,

Adios Amigo,

Amor Seem.