I'm pretty sure my printed ticket has a thousand teardrops on it by the time I stop staring and set it on my bedside table.

I've got to tell Uncle Al, I've got to tell Jax, I've got to tell anyone that I can about my new move to San Diego. Thinking of the words make my stomach rattle with excitement.

I lay in bed for a couple more seconds until turning on my side to go to sleep, nerves buzzing throughout my body like little flies.

My phone vibrates against the nightstand and makes me jump, rolling over to see what the notification is. The screen glows bright and I squint a little to see the message.

Nolan: Awake? Come over.

Ugh. I drop my phone on my stomach and slip my fingers in my hair to press both hands against my scalp. I knew it was a bad idea to go see Nolan the other day and ask him for money, but I felt helpless.

I bite my lip until it hurts, quickly texting him back, telling him I'll be right over. This almost feels nostalgic, because for a while we hid our relationship like this. Sneaking out at 1am and getting home at 6am — just early enough that nobody suspected anything.

I slip my robe on and use it as a jacket, the cool air coming in through my window not chilly enough for a puffier coat.

Quietly, I tip toe downstairs and avoid all the spots on the steps that creak. I go out the back door, leaving it unlocked like I found it, and make my way to that elegant house on Court Street.

The wind rustles the trees as I walk down the dark sidewalks. It's the only noise I hear except a train in the distance and a few barking dogs. The moon is bright enough tonight that it offers a dim light, coating me in its essence.

Once I reach the house, I go around the side of it, through the mud and wet grass, until I reach his window towards the back. The light is on in his room, and after staring for a few seconds his face appears with a smile.

Unfortunately the back door in the kitchen to their house was removed by the previous owners. Instead, drywall covers the entire thing so it looks like there should be a door but there isn't. So this means we need to use the front door, which is noisy and way more obvious.

My shoes stick in the wet ground as I walk towards the front door. I pull my robe a little tighter and wait until Nolan opens the door. When he does, I feel safe and warm. His familiar eyes, the tousled hair like he's been tossing and turning in bed all night, the old wrinkled shirt he sleeps in.

"I thought you didn't want to see me?" I ask him quietly, stepping into the house with him.

"Then why are you here?" He whispers while pulling me closer, lightly guiding my hips towards the stairs.

I shrug while melting into his gentle touch already. I'm like silly putty in his hands as we walk up the stairs, into his room, and onto his bed. He closes the door carefully with his heel before meeting me on his bed.

My lips ache for him — in a good way. I want them to. In some respects he was my first love, the first man I ever felt a real connection with. This just proves to me that our spark hasn't faded yet.

When we finally kiss, I don't even feel like I'm a human being anymore. All I see and smell is him. It gets stronger with each article of clothing he removes from me, until I'm in just my underwear. Practically naked and exposed.

The moonlight from his window casts a shadow on the side of his face. We look at eachother for a moment, lust in both of our eyes. I want him so badly, but instead I touch his illuminated cheek and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I'm moving to San Diego tomorrow..."

He doesn't move, but I feel his muscles stiffen. "San Diego? California? You're actually going?"

I nod and draw circles on his bare back, knowing this is the last time I'll probably ever feel this way with someone.

He sighs heavily, my body moving with the rise and fall of his chest.

"Would you, I guess, want to come with me?" I ask him hesitantly, our bare chests touching as he holds me in his arms. There's a cool breeze from his window which prickles my skin.

"Fuck, Nadia," he sighs. "I can't just leave tomorrow. You know how batty my mom is..."

My heart drops and I close my eyes while I nod, relaxing into his chest anyway. If this is really my last night in New Canton, I want to savor it.

"But I could tell her it's temporary. I could stop living this huge lie, because quite frankly, I'm exhausted," he tells me with a chuckle that bounces his chest.

"Really?" I sit up and look at him in the dark light, nothing but shadows casting against his skin.

His smile is sweet and innocent, just like how I remember him when we first met in school. The way he looks at me makes me blush and I try to look away, but he cradles my cheek in his hand.

"I'm not really one to believe all this soulmate stuff... all of that stupid hopeless romantic bullshit. But what I feel with you is real. I thought about you pretty much every day the past year because you make me feel happy. I want to be with you. I love you."

When he's finally done talking, there's tears wetting my cheeks in faint lines. I wipe them with the back of my hand, wrapping my arms around his neck, clinging onto him like my life depends on it.

Nolan was always my safety net. A good, Christian boy raised in the city but sheltered from all of the bad happening around the corner. A private school, four years in college a few states over, and then back home to teach the underprivileged kids he grew up with. Until he fucked one of them and his career's future. I twisted him in the sour way many girls around here do. He's got his heart in the right place, though, I swear.

We end up having sex, for the first time in over a year, and afterwards we lay in his bed with sweat glistening like glitter on our bodies. I feel this certain pressure in my chest, kind of like I need to get out of New Canton right now, but I want Nolan with me.

I turn on my side, kissing his bare shoulder. He's playing with my hair when he suddenly stops mid-twirl, squinting towards my neck.

"Why do you have bruises on your neck?"

The pit of my stomach stings. They were nearly invisible at home. Since they're yellow now, you could barely tell in the darkness, either.

I gently touch the marks from Vincent. They no longer hurt and I almost forgot about them. I draw my eyes down towards the mattress.

"It's nothing. Just got into a little fight."

Nolan's eye grow wide, tilting my head up with his finger under my chin. He's examining me like I'm some sort of lab rat. "Stop it," I tell him while batting his hand away from my chin.

"Who did this?" He asks again. Persistent. "They're in the shape of two hands, Nadia."

"It was nothing, I said. Just a little fight."

His eyes press into mine and I can tell from the straightness of his lips that he's serious as ever.

I look out the window, sighing, then back at him. "It was one of my ex's. He did it. Alright?"

Nolan sits up on the bed, the sheets tangled between us still. "Jesus Christ, where is the guy?"

I roll my eyes and reach down next to the bed to grab my clothes. "It doesn't matter. I'm leaving tomorrow, remember?"

Now sitting on the edge of the bed, I clip my bra on and pull my shirt over my shoulders. I hear him shifting behind me. "You're leaving tomorrow? Wasn't it just 'us' an hour ago?"

My shoulders are slumped while I pull my underpants up from my ankles. "I hope it's us."

The sheets shift behind me again while I slip my pants and robe back on, standing up to look at Nolan. "I love you."

He smiles softly, reaching out to pull me closer by my hand. We kiss and I eventually pull away to leave, his voice trailing behind me. "I love you, Nadia. I'll see you tomorrow at the airport."

And with that, I leave his house quiet as ever, walking back home. My last night in New Canton. The last time I'll see these streets for a while, smell this air for a while, hear the city sounds for a while. I send Nolan a text message with the airport information, my departure time, and a link that will hopefully get him on my flight, too.

I tuck my phone away and walk extra slow, breathing this god damn dirty city in and never letting go.