I first accepted that I had a crush on Yang Jungwon when we were both eleven, and we were in my bedroom, sprawled across my bed with the air conditioner on full blast, an attempt to escape the sweltering summer heat outside. I also had a pounding headache, and he didn't want to leave my side because of that.

"Did you drink any water?" he worried, feeling my forehead for my temperature. Even though it was hot outside, I couldn't handle temperatures as well as I do now—the time in the skating park was me being stubborn—so I had a blanket drawn up around me. I asked Jungwon to stay with me, so he sat with his feet tucked under him next to me.

"Of course," I mumbled, feeling a heat that didn't have anything to do with the sun or the fever I was developing because of one of his hands on my forehead, and the other gently holding my wrist. "In this heat, of course I would. It's just the heat getting to me. Maybe we shouldn't have gone to the skating part today."

That day, we had visited the skating park again, where we hadn't gone since the previous winter. Jungwon had held my hand as we darted up and down the ramps, until I, in all my infinite stupidity, told him I was ready after literal months to try it on my own. What happened was that I took the plunge down the biggest ramp, and I went along shrieking like a banshee as I did, and then my legs were shaking too badly to go for another round.

He had laughed at me so hard. "You said you were ready!" he gasped. "I can't believe you really screamed that loud!"

"I don't like heights!" I finally snapped at him. Even I hadn't yet admitted it to myself, and to hear me say it out loud sounded horribly weak. It sounded like I wasn't brave enough to handle a little thing like those ramps which weren't much higher than seven or eight feet. Child's play for many skaters.

"Then why the skates and the ramps, Yoora?" he stopped laughing, looking at me like he was concerned. "If you're scared, why?"

"My parents can't get me everything I want," I said quietly, reaching up to undo my red helmet. "And these skates are something they saved up to buy. I want to use it well."

"Then let's not do the ramps, if you don't like heights," Jungwon didn't argue with my logic or question it. He just found a simple solution. "I mean it, Yoora," he added, eyes so big and innocent and catlike staring into my own sternly.

"Yeah, well..." I set my helmet down on the ground beside me and leaned down, taking off my skates in the short silence. "...I guess I'll do that. Let's just go home for today."

So he agreed. He and his mother went to their apartment while my mother and I went back to ours; only an hour later, Jungwon, dressed in a fresh t-shirt and shorts showed up, saying he was really bored and wanted to hang out.

We spent awhile playing an online video game or two (I lost every time), but eventually I had to stop, needing to lie down because my headache was so overwhelming.

It was the way he kept to my side even after my mother came in, gave me that horrible-tasting medicine they give you when you're sick, and pressed a wet cloth to my forehead to try and stem my fever that made me feel...strange. I was only eleven, without a clear idea of what I was feeling—or as clear as having an infatuation feels, I suppose.

All I knew was that my heart was beating a little faster and I wished he didn't let go of my hand. I liked that he looked so concerned and only reluctantly left me alone when I was on the verge of falling asleep, under my mother's orders. I remember looking at the doorway of my room and thinking, as he disappeared through it, why couldn't he have stayed with me?

It was late evening when I woke up, and when I sat up, looking around my bedroom, I saw Jungwon asleep at my study desk, a book under his head. I saw it was the science textbook he had gotten after he lost his old one, much to our teacher's displeasure. He looked as if he had been studying. That made me feel bad—he'd been there for so long, while I was knocked out. My head still ached a little, and my body felt mostly worn out, but for the most part nothing hurt or ached badly. I didn't think the same could be said for his back and neck.

I got to my feet and walked across the cold tiles, coming to stand beside him and looking at the things arranged on the table. His stationeries, his notebook, and of course, the textbook under his head. I realized that he had been doing his holiday assignment, the one we were given before school let out for the summer.

"Jungwon," I tapped him on the arm. "Wake up. It's almost dark."

He jolted awake, looking around in a panic. "Did we miss the bus?" he yelped, jumping to his feet. I laughed at him, and that was what brought him back to reality: my bedroom where he was studying during the summer holidays, not a school day where we had to catch the bus home. "Oh. Um. Hi."

"Hello, there," I said, amused. "What are you still doing here?"

"Your mom and mine went out shopping together," he said, sitting up straighter. "My mom said I could go home if I wanted to—your dad is home, but he's napping, I think, he got back from work hours ago—but I said I didn't want to go because I'd be alone."

"You wanted to stay behind with me, didn't you?" I asked, knowing it was a little bit of both. Jungwon's older sister was spending the weekend with a friend, which left him by himself if he wasn't with me.

In response to this, he gave me a crooked grin. "You know me too well, don't you?" he laughed. "Yes, Yoora, I also wanted to stay behind with you. Are you feeling better?"

I nodded. "Just a little achy all over. Nothing some warm shower can't fix, I guess. Mind if I turn off the A.C.?"

"Go ahead," he said. "I'll wait outside."

Without me asking, he grabbed his glasses—he did wear them all the time back then—and walked out of the room, not before shooting another smile at me. I was happy that I didn't have to ask him to do much anymore, and the second thought that struck me was that his smile really was very cute. Another thing was that my heartrate felt faster than before.

That was when it crossed my mind that I liked Jungwon in more than just the sense of best friend. It was a scary notion; I thought then that for Jungwon to know how I felt might have ruined our friendship. Who knows, maybe it's still true. At the same time, I smiled widely, thinking about this strange new feeling that was making my heart do flip-flops in my chest.

It's amazing how a young mind can ignore how painful such feelings can come as they grow up. Especially if the subject of the feelings can't be bothered about you anymore.