"It is not a cluster fuck," Nick repeated, trying not to laugh. "At least, it wouldn't have to be, not if you'd just agree to do it." He smiled at Sumire, who sat in the onsen with him in her bathing suit, her hair piled fetchingly on top of her head.

It had been nearly a week since Minami's revelation of her impending happy event had thrown the entire production of Nick's movie, The Heart of the Sun, into chaos and turmoil. Nick and Sumire had continued to go to the set and rehearse, with Sumire standing in for Minami, putting in long hours in the stifling heat of the manor house, which had no air conditioning because it would be bad for the costumes and the antiques, before returning to relax in their suite.

Tonight, they were having hot sake while soaking in the onsen, trying to steam and heat away the stress they were under.

Every day that they were on the set, a groundswell of vocal support was growing for Sumire to just step in and take over Minami's part of Hana, the daughter of the house who, though engaged to another, falls in love with Nick's character when he comes from Edo to convince her to marry.

Sumire, of course, was against this.

"It is, too," she retorted, taking another drink of her sake. She ticked off the reasons on her fingers. "I'm not an actress. I'm not pretty. I look too young. I'm too short. And Murakami-sensei doesn't even want me."

"He doesn't want you because he thinks you don't want to do it," Nick responded, frustrated. "If you'd walk in there tomorrow and agree to do it, they could start fittings right away and we'd only be six days behind. Hell we'd be caught up in two weeks, because you know the script better than the back of your hand, you know I'm right! Martin's had the papers drawn up for two days already."

Sumire started to say something, then stopped as Nick's last words sank in. "Martin's what?" Martin Stabler, Nick's agent, had flown in from Los Angeles as soon as he'd heard from Nick that trouble was brewing.

"Come on, Mimi-chan, he's a Hollywood agent, he smells money, it's his job," Nick replied, running his hand through his damp hair. "He's one of the best in the business, you know he'll rep you really well, and get you a good deal, right?"

"Obviously I'm not worried about what kind of deal he'll get me," Sumire answered, shaking her head. "I don't even need a agent, anyway."

"What?" Nick was aghast. "You wouldn't think of signing without a agent, would you?"

"God, this is a ridiculous conversation," Sumire said, fed up. "I'm not going to step in and star in a major Hollywood motion picture, okay? Stuff like this doesn't happen in real life, so can we please just stop talking about it? I'm filling in while they find someone else, and that's all."

"Sumire." Nick put a wet hand on her arm. "Sumire. You're the one living in a dream world if you think they're going to find a half-Japanese woman in her early to mid-twenties who's fluent in both English and Japanese in the next few days who can act," Nick declared.

Sumire shook Nick's hand off her arm. "Well, you're out of your motherfucking mind if you think I'm going to agree to act, on camera, in front of dozens of people, and be comfortable, knowing that it's eventually going to be shown on  a five thousand square foot movie screen to millions of people," she responded.

In spite of himself Nick smiled as he swallowed his sake, savoring the heat and flavor as it hit his throat and warmed his insides.

"I must say, woman, that you delight me in just about every way," he remarked. He leaned over and pushed the button for more sake from room service.

Sumire looked at him with an expression of confusion.

"You really need to ring a bell or something when you're going to hit me with a non sequitur like that, Nick, really." She shook her head. "Maybe you're drunk or something," she added.

On the heels of her words, the door to their suite opened with the sake, and they remained quiet while it was brought to the pool room and poured out for them.

"Seriously, Nick-san, take it easy on that stuff, okay? You're acting weird."

"Be quiet and drink your sake," Nick answered, picking up his cup and gesturing toward hers.

They drank in silence for a few minutes, then Nick took a deep breath and looked at Sumire, nibbling on his lower lip.

"Mimi-chan, I need to tell you something okay? Something serious." He tried to set his cup on the side of the pool, but set it on the edge of a rock and knocked it over, spilling the dregs.

"Seems like you're a little drunk, Nick-san," Sumire said with a giggle. "Maybe it should wait until morning, when you're sober, or at least hung over?"

"No! No, it has to be now, when I am a little drunk," Nick insisted. "Being a lil--a little drunk," he enunciated, "makes me kinda brave, so it has to be now, 'kay?"

"Uh, okay."

"So, yeah, you know how I like my sister? Darcie?" Nick looked earnestly at Sumire.

Sumire looked back at him, brows furrowed, before nodding slowly. "Right. You have a sister, Darcie, and you like her. Is that what you're saying?"

Nick nodded vigorously, smiling.

"Yeah! Right. I mean, I don't like you like that."

Sumire's nod turned slowly into a shake of negativity. "So you don't like me."

Nick shook his head. "No. I mean yes." He nodded. "Fuck. No. Okay. This is getting all fucked up."

"See, I told you," Sumire said, pouring herself another drink. "You're bombed. Go to bed, Nick, we'll talk in the morning." She nodded sagely. "I know what I'm talking about."

"I'm not drunk!" Nick retorted indignantly. "Besides, I told you, I need to be a little drunk to say this. A bit."

Sumire stared at him.

"Fine. Go ahead, then. But you're fucking it up all kinds of ways, I think you should know."

"I am not." Nick stared at Sumire. "You swear a lot when you drink, did you know? Anyway. Ahem.

"So I love my sister Darcie," he tried again.

Sumire nodded. "Yes. You should. She's great."

"Damn right she is."

Nick picked up the tokkuri, or bottle of sake, but forgot to pour it and drank straight from the bottle instead. He looked at it, shook his head as if to clear it, and scooted closer to Sumire, who looked amazing close up. Tendrils of hair had escaped the clasp and were stuck to her neck, accentuating its slenderness and the fragile look of her shoulders. Everything about her looked vulnerable to Nick, because he was used to seeing only her face, since the rest of her was always covered. Tiny beads of sweat gleamed along her upper lip, and at her temples, and from this angle he could see her shoulder blades where they disappeared into the water under the straps of her bathing suit.

"Fuck it all," he murmured. He scooted a bit closer, so his knee was touching her leg, and miracle of miracles, she didn't move away.

"Nick? What? You're really freaking me out now."

"You think you're freaking out now," Nick said with a chuckle. "Just please let me finish before you say anything?"

He waited for her to nod before he continued.

"Just remember that I'm not saying this because I want anything from you, or expect anything, okay? It's just one friend, telling another friend something, imparting information, if you will." He nodded encouragingly.

"I love you, Sumire."

Silence.

"I'm in love with you, Mimi-chan. I have been, ever since New York, at least, I think." Nick sat back a little, exhaling with relief. "Maybe even before. Probably before? Who the fuck knows? Darcie could tell right away. Anyway, I don't want you to think I want anything, or need anything, or expect anything, because I don't. I've finally realized, at the ripe old age of twenty-seven, that those three words don't cost a thing, not when you really mean them."

He smiled at her.

"I don't expect you to say them back, because I know you aren't in that place. You may never be in that place, and that's fine with me, okay? Remember that."

Nick blinked, getting lost in how her eyes locked on him, how her jaw flowed from beneath her ear down to her chin. "You may speak now, if you wish," he said quietly.

"Nick." Sumire shook her head. "You can't love me. You just can't. I'm a broken girl. I told you that a long time ago. It's like sticking a broken vase on a table, or hanging a smeared oil painting on your wall, you just don't do that, Nick!" Her voice began to get louder and louder. "I mean, you don't waste your heart, your self, on junk, on garbage, don't you understand that?"

Nick backed up, horrified by her words. "You're not junk, you're not garbage, what are you saying?" And now his voice was pretty loud, too.

"No, I'm not saying that, exactly, I misspoke," she amended, shaking her head. "I fixed myself, I did the best I could, but I was a child, you know? You deserve someone who's whole, unbroken, Nick, someone like you."

Sumire began to laugh. "This is some kind of horrible cosmic joke, I think."

Nick slumped back, defeated. "Hold on, hold on, stop laughing!" he said, still sort of shouting. "I'm not mad at you," he hastened to assure Sumire at the look on her face.

"Why are you shouting at me, then?" she shouted back, standing up a little bit in the pool.

Nick was glad to see she had a little fight in her. Seeing Sumire cry was something he simply could not handle; it made him want to break things and kill people.

"I don't know," he answered, trying and failing to keep his voice down. "I guess it's not the response I was hoping for the first time I ever said I loved someone, you know?"

"Well, I'm sorry," Sumire bellowed back, practically in his face. "I think we're both a little drunk, if you want to know the truth--" she stopped and stared at Nick. "What? What did you say?"

"I said it wasn't the response I was hoping for," Nick thundered, nearly spitting in Sumire's face because they were so close together.

"After that." Sumire yelled as she took a step closer to him, looking at him with intense concentration.

Nick thought about his words. "The first time I ever said I loved someone?" he offered next.

"The first time?" Sumire repeated, her voice just as loud as when she started.

"Yes!" Nick practically bawled. "I've never said that to anyone before!"

Sumire blinked in surprise and took a step back, feeling for the bench behind her so she could sit down. She took a deep breath and let it out, apparently letting her anger out with it.

"Nick, is that true?" she asked in a regular voice.

Nick considered for a moment, then nodded, taking a seat himself.

"I mean, other than my parents when I was little, or Darcie more recently," he amended.

"But, Nick, all those women?" Sumire's voice was almost a plea. "You must've felt something?"

Nick shrugged. "I felt attraction, I guess? Maybe lust? Never love, though. And I never told them I did, I want you to know," he said grimly. "Lots of them wanted me to, but I never lied, I want you to know that, okay?"

Sumire nodded, looking down at the gently bubbling water. When she finally looked back up at Nick, he was shocked to see her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"I'm so sorry, Nick," she said, her voice quiet. She continued at his look of confusion. "No no, I'm not apologizing, I'm just saying that I'm so sorry you've been so lonely for so long."

She reached out and took Nick's hand, which he willingly gave. Then she surprised him by bringing it to her lips and pressing a kiss to it.

She released his hand, but he could still feel the warm spot where her lips had pressed into his flesh.

"You know, Nick? I'm not sure, because I never thought I would? I thought I was broken, dead in that way, but I think I might love you, too," Sumire said, her voice soft and thoughtful.

She rose and left the pool area without another word, presumably to go to bed.

After a few minutes, Nick, too, got out and dried off to head to bed. He could hear her moving around on the other side of the shoji, and he could see that her light was on, however, so he remained seated on the couch after he changed, instead of getting in his futon, which the ladies must've laid out when they brought the refills of the sake.

Sure enough, after she put her light out, Sumire slid the shoji open and stepped into Nick's room and came to stand in front of him where he was still seated on the couch. She made no move to sit next to him, and didn't say a word, so he rose after a few moments to stand in front of her, unsure what she wanted.

Sumire reached up to touch his face, going up on tiptoe, and pulled him down so he was sitting on the wide arm of the couch. This made them nearly the same height, brought them nearly face to face. Sumire had braided her hair  and left it hanging over her shoulder, Nick could see in the faint light of the moon from outside.

Her hand was still on his face, and she leaned in, tilting her small face as she pressed her lips to his, resting her other hand on his chest.

Nick was as shocked as he'd ever been in his life, but he was careful, not wanting to scare her away. He felt as though he were walking on a tightrope, not wanting to overbalance one way or another and end the kiss.

Her lips were so, so soft, supple and warm, and tinged with the mint flavor of her toothpaste. She didn't open her mouth, probably because she didn't know how, Nick supposed, so he didn't either.

Nick curled one hand around the back of her neck, wanting her to know he liked it and wanted to continue, but not wanting her to feel like he was holding her there. He put his other hand on her back, loving the feel of her muscles under the thin cotton of her yukata.

Sumire, for her part, was nearly fainting just from the feel of his chest under her hand. She'd meant to put her hand on his yukata also, but he'd tied it loosely, and her palm had landed on his smooth, hard flesh. She could even feel his heart beating under her hand, and the feeling was amazing. His lips felt alive under hers, moving and sensual.

She'd thought she'd hate it, that it would be part of the acclimation process, like touching people, so she was surprised at how wonderful kissing Nick felt. She broke the kiss and pressed in again, at a slightly different angle, and heard Nick make a little sound of happiness which made the muscles in her stomach and thighs tighten with anticipation.

Wow.

And Nick took this second kiss as a sign that he could maybe take things a bit farther as well. He lowered the hand that was around her neck so that it was now around the front of her, using his thumb to gently caress her jaw and pull her chin down a little, sucking on her bottom lip and touching it with his tongue.

Sumire gasped at the explosion of sensations and pulled back, trying to catch her breath. She leaned forward to rest her forehead against Nick's for a moment, and he could feel her smiling against the hand which still held her jaw.

"Oyasuminasai, Nick-san."

"Oyasuminasai, Mimi-chan."