We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening around the Christmas tree, sharing stories of our childhood Christmases and our favorite traditions or memories of the best gifts we'd ever gotten. I didn't remember many things, even though I'd always been flooded with gifts on birthdays and Christmas. I always got any toy I wanted, so after a while, maybe it just didn't feel special anymore.

Later that night, while we lay in bed, once again dressed in our flannel jammies, I told Louis, "I think the best gift I've ever received was when you bought me the necklace at that craft show."

"Really?" He asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Yes, really. You knew I loved it, and you bought if for me for that reason only. I can't explain it exactly, but that meant the world to me."

He squeezed me tightly and held on for a long time. When he relaxed his grip on me, he asked, "Are you okay with what happened in the tub? I mean, did I overstep my boundaries?"

I breathed a deep sigh. "I don't know, Lou. I mean, it was amazing, really. And you are certainly welcome to any part of me. I just...I don't get it. It didn't seem quite right for some reason. Maybe because it was only one-sided. Ugh, I feel so stupid. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Hey," he said, kissing my forehead. "If I ever make you uncomfortable, you have every right to tell me that. You know that, right?"

"I do. You make me feel safe and I trust you completely," I told him in absolute honesty.

He was quiet for a while and then he finally asked in a voice barely above a whisper, "Do you want to touch me?"

"Yes."

He wasted no time in kissing me deeply, moving his mouth adeptly with mine, causing my excitement to skyrocket. Soon, I was allowing small moans to escape through our kiss. He kept our lips connected while he took hold of my hand. I began to tremble with nervous energy. I felt my hand brush the skin of his abdomen as he pushed past the waistband of his pajamas. I was surprised by the feel of him as he tenderly guided my fingers to wrap them around himself.

His breath hitched in his throat. He covered my hand with his and slowly, together, we moved up and down. His breathing became heavy and I could hear deep moans rumbling in his throat. I couldn't believe this was happening. He clasped my hand tighter and moved it faster, his groans increasing. I captured his lips in another kiss, swept away by the moment. Only a few moments later, he broke the kiss, his breath caught in his throat and I felt him spasm. The next thing I knew, my hand was completely wet and he was breathing heavily, but starting to relax.

"Wow," I whispered. The fact that I'd just witnessed his most vulnerable moment made me feel weak and delirious.

He laughed a little as his breathing slowed.

"That was perfect."

"Yeah, it was pretty amazing," he agreed.

Sleep came quickly with the two of us entwined and content in each other's arms.

We hardly moved all night, waking up in the morning in almost the same position. It was still pretty early, so I got up, not wanting to interrupt Louis' slumber, and I went to start a shower. I half expected him to join me, but when I finished and had gotten dressed, he was still snoozing.

I reflected on yesterday's activities. We had crossed the threshold from waiting for sex to doing heavily sexual things in one day. It was starting to piss me off that I was feeling somewhat unsettled about it.

I went to see if anyone else was awake yet. Harry was snoring on the couch. I heard Carly talking quietly in her room, so I assumed she was either ready to get up, or trying to coax the little ones back to sleep.

I started a pot of coffee, and then I sat down and stared out the window. The snow was finally dwindling to just a little dusting. It would probably take some time before the snow plows would have everything cleared away, but at least the end was in sight. It had been fun to hunker down with new friends.

Friends. What a funny group of friends I had. An Irish chauffeur. A sleazeball turned sweetheart by the name of Harry. Carly and her two rough and tumble children. And Louis.

My Louis.

Then it hit me. I think I was angry because I was so ready to give everything to Louis that this playing around business wasn't doing anything for me. I wanted to be united with him in every way - wife, lover, confidante, friend, partner.

We were just playing house. Not sharing the same bed; not "officially" anyway. I wanted everything - Louis' commitment, his name, his children.

I poured two cups of coffee and brought them into my bedroom. I sat them down on my bedside table and then I climbed onto the bed. I shook Louis' shoulder gently.

He rolled over and looked at me, letting a lazy smile cross his face. "G'morning."

"Good morning, handsome," I said. I reached for the coffee and handed it to him as he sat up. He smiled a thank you and then leaned to kiss me quickly.

"So...." I began, not sure how to continue.

He raised his eyebrows while he sipped the coffee.

"I want to marry you," I blurted out.

His face spread into a wide smile that made his eyes twinkle and those little crinkles around them showed up. "Good," he said. "I want to marry you, too."

"I mean, like right now. Today."

His eyebrows pulled together into a confused look. "Today?"

"As soon as possible," I clarified. "We already said that we don't have any reason to wait. So let's not wait."

"Are you proposing to me?" He laughed.

"Kind of, I guess," I said.

"Don't you want me to surprise you with a romantic proposal? Don't you want a diamond ring and your father's blessing?"

I shrugged. "Been there, done that."

He laughed lightly and then he said, "But I want to propose to you. I want to make it some big fancy, romantic gesture that knocks you off your feet."

As crazy as it sounds, that made me frustrated. I huffed out an irritated sigh.

"What?" He asked, sounding incredulous.

Suddenly, for reasons I still didn't understand, I was on the verge of tears. "It's stupid, I guess. It's just that I finally know what I want, what I really want." I sniffled and wiped my eyes with a corner of my shirt. I looked at him, focusing into the depths of his eyes. "I want you, Lou. Everything about you, your heart, your mind, your sense of humor....your body." I bit my lip while I tried to stifle a smirk. "I want your morning breath and your smart-ass attitude. I want your children. I even want your money!" I said, finally allowing myself to laugh. "And I don't want to wait!"

"Ash," he said in that voice that told me he was going to try to reason with me, to talk my out of my silly idea.

"Don't say it," I mumbled. "You think we should wait and do it the right way. You ask my father, you propose, we take forever to plan a big church wedding with a thousand guests, all the while living together and playing house when we're not really married. We're not really anything to each other."

"Ash," he said. "You know that's not true. I'm not sure what you meant by that, but you're everything to me."

"Then why do we have to do this the way everyone else wants us to?" I muttered.

"Don't you want that Ashten? Don't you want to choose your wedding gown and have Veronica and Danielle as your bridesmaids? Don't you want your father to walk you down the aisle?"

My shoulders slumped. "Yeah, I guess so. I just don't want to wait."

"Is this about sex?" He asked bluntly.

I flopped backwards onto the bed, exasperated. "Yes, Louis, it's all about sex!" I said sarcastically. "I just want to get married so you can fuck me senseless!"

He was visibly startled by my words. "You don't have to get snippy about it! I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from."

"I don't know, okay?! All I know is that I'm not happy with the way things are and I can't figure out why!"

"Okay," he said, still looking confused. "But maybe we should discuss this after our guests have gone home."

"Shit!" I whispered. I had indeed forgotten we weren't alone in the house. It didn't sound like anyone else was awake yet, but I decided not to continue the "discussion" until later. I stormed out of the room without saying another word to Louis.

I slouched down onto the corner seat by the dining room. I closed my eyes. I was irritated at myself for being so irritated, as ridiculous as that sounds.

"Good morning?" I heard Niall's Irish voice as if he was asking a half-question.

I opened my eyes and smiled weakly. "Good morning, Niall."

He went to the cupboard and grabbed a mug. He began poured some coffee and then asked me, "Want some?"

I realized I'd left my cup in the bedroom, but I didn't want to go back for it just now. "Yes, please," I said wearily.

"All right, what's wrong?" He asked in an overly concerned voice, making me laugh a little.

"Am I that obvious?" I asked.

He shrugged and took a sip of the steaming coffee.

"I love Louis. Just a few days ago, I wasn't even sure I was going to forgive him, but now I'm ready to marry him. Like now. Today."

"And that's a bad thing?" Asked Niall, raising his eyebrows while he took another drink.

"No. I guess I'm just impatient. My whole fucking life was planned for me, and now I want some say in it."

Niall barely flinched at the fact that I dropped the f-bomb.

"You want to call the shots for once," he said, as if he was drawing the obvious conclusion.

But for me, it was like someone removed the blinders from my eyes. All of my life, someone else made the decisions and directed all my actions. I had come a long way, but I was still living in the house my father bought for me, driving the car he bought for me, living with the servants he employed, and going to the university he had chosen for me. I had broken away from my mother, but I was still living the life my father had planned.

Now, in general, I was happy with it, but I think I was realizing that I wanted to make my own decisions about something for once. How that was going to involve Louis, I still wasn't sure. I couldn't expect to just have my own way in the relationship.

I laughed as I shook my head. "You're amazing, Niall. I think you hit the nail on the head."

"Happy to help," he grinned. "By the way, I charge a fee for my services."

I laughed and said, "Maybe you should reconsider your chosen profession. Go into counseling. You'd be great at it."

Izzy came tearing into the kitchen. His curly blonde hair was bouncing up and down and his brown eyes looked up to mine. "Woo-wee?" He asked. Gosh, he was so in love with Louis. That made two of us.

"Let's go find him," I said, picking him up.

I carried him to my bedroom only to find Louis dozing again. I set Izzy quietly on the bed and let him go to work. He crawled over to Louis, and climbed over his sleeping body like it was a small mountain. He planted himself right by Louis' head and his chubby fingers pulled at Louis' eyelids. "Wake!" He shouted, making Louis shake with laughter. "Wake, Woo-wee!"

I fell onto the bed, laughing while Louis tickled the little guy.

We spent the day the same way we'd spent the last two, huddled up, talking, watching Christmas movies, playing games, eating. The plows came through late in the day, and then the guys headed out to shovel the snow.

I could tell that Harry was reluctant to leave, having spent the last 48 hours apparently falling in love with one very starry-eyed Carly. I had a feeling we would be seeing Harry in Boston again soon.

After Carly had taken her brood home and Harry had begun the drive back to New York, Louis asked, "Do you want to go out?"

"I'd love to," I said. "So, like a date? Or should we invite Niall?"

"A date," he smiled. "It's been too long since I've had you all to myself."

I got dressed and ready in record time. I was excited about getting Louis all to myself. It hadn't really occurred to me, but he was right. We hadn't been alone since before I'd left for New York.

Once we were in my car, on the way into downtown Boston, Louis said, "We haven't been on many dates, just the two of us, have we?"

"I guess not," I said. "But I don't feel like I've been cheated at all. I've had more fun with you than I've ever had in my life."

He grabbed my hand, keeping the other hand on the steering wheel.

"But I have a request. Let's make tonight a real date. Like not re-living my childhood."

"Of course."

We went to a nice restaurant for dinner and made polite, pleasant conversation. Afterwards, we found a dance club. Even though we slept in the same bed most nights, I had missed having Louis hold me close like this. One arm was wrapped firmly around my waist, the other was entwined with my hand, pressed close between us. We danced slowly even when there was more upbeat music playing. He kissed me tenderly from time to time. The whole night, we simply enjoyed being with each other. It wasn't until we were in the car on the way home that we really started talking.

"I think I've figured out why I've been feeling so agitated," I said in the most peaceful possible voice. I didn't want to sound confrontational.

"That's good," he replied.

"And I figured out that I don't like being told what to do," I said calmly.

He was silent for a long time. Finally, he asked, "Have I been telling you what to do?"

"Kind of," I said.

It was dark in the car, but I thought I saw his jaw twitching, like he was trying not to react strongly. "Can you tell me how I've been doing that?"

"For starters, I don't want you to tell me how to spend my money. Maybe some day, when we're married, then we can work out a budget together. For now, I get to choose how I spend my own money."

"Okay," he said with a bit of a question mark at the end. "Anything else?"

"I don't want to be told how our wedding is going to go and how long our engagement will be. I want to decide some things, too."

"Okay," he said, again with that questioning tone at the end, like he knew there was more coming, but I didn't say anything else until we got home.

We walked in and Niall was Skyping with Maryellen. He waved us over so we could "meet" her. She was a pretty redhead with an enormous smile. We made small talk for a bit and then left them alone.

We went to the sitting room off my bedroom. I drew a blanket over us, but I didn't move close to Louis yet.

"You have more to say," he observed.

"Yeah. I understand that you want to protect me, and I am so grateful for that. But you can't be my father, making decisions for me because you're afraid I'll get hurt."

He looked so lost.

"Okay, maybe this about sex. A little bit at least. You kept saying I'm not ready, and then that we wouldn't make love until we were married because you wanted me to be sure that you were committed to me."

He nodded.

"You made that decision for me. What if I didn't want it that way?"

"I know it's hard for you to wait-"

"It's not about waiting!" I yelled, standing up to pace back and forth. "It's about you, acting like I'm still a child and can't make decisions for myself. Sure, I'm fragile in some ways, but I'm also strong! You said so yourself! I'm learning to be my own person and I like who I am! I don't want you telling me what to do!"

He sighed in frustration, but then he smirked, relaxing his head against the back of the sofa.

"Okay, honey."

"Okay, what?" I asked, not feeling any more peaceful.

"I get it. I get that you want to make decisions or at least be part of them. I didn't think I was making the decision for you about sex and marriage, but I'm willing to listen now. How does that sound?"

"That," I said, "sounds like a wonderful plan, Mr. Tomlinson." Then I climbed onto his lap. I leaned in to kiss him, feeling a surge of power in this position. I pushed my tongue forcefully against his, causing him to moan lightly.

He scratched my back while we kissed and I shivered from the sensation. I broke the kiss and smiled. "Do you know what I want?" I asked.

"What's that?"

"I want to marry you. Tomorrow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry for the LONG wait. I think I've been putting off writing the last few chapters because I don't want the story to come to an end. It's not over yet, but I feel like I'm packing up at the end of a vacation and it's almost time to say good-bye.

I've been SO excited because with the past few updates, Underground has been ranked. The highest ranking was #599. I would love to see it move up higher, and it all has to do with the amount of activity within a day or a few days, I think. So I hope you will read and vote and comment, and PRETTY PLEASE ask some friends to check out even a chapter or two! :D

xoxoxo

*J* (that's my new trademark. don't steal it!)