Mature content ahead, Read at your own risky. TW: thoughts of suicide, depression, PTSD & anxiety

Black and blue,
I cough up red.
I feel the pressure building up inside
Me.
The pressure wants me to throw my insides out,
Anxiety is horrible to have.

The world blurs,
My hands go cold.
I can no-longer hear the voices,
Only fading echoes.
The world runs in black,
Everything fading in and out.
I'm on the verge of getting knocked out.
The air is crisp and cool,
Everyone is doing their life.
Except me.

I hold the blade in my hand,
Observing it carefully.
Skimming my hand through its
Sharp edges.
The skin starts to tear,
Another drop of blood spills.
The marble is stained,
The cries are hush hush.
The water blinds out the voice.
Only muffled murmurs.

'Sona' , a voice calls.
I throw it away,
Gathering my courage,
The mask slips on.
Thoughts of suicide--
Of not existing,
Engulf me.

I want to tie a noose and end it all,
I wont.
The heat has taken over me.
The waters are dragging me in,
Slapping and choking me.

The voices won't leave,
4 years ; I'm not there
Yet-

The clouds rumble,
Dark waters pour -
Down my cheek onto the marble.
Blood pours out ; along with glasses.
It rains.
Rains heavily,
Lightning strikes my insides,
Ending me ;
Sleep flows.

Going through an extremely bad phase. This day is the worst.

-Ridhima Joshi