Where do I go when the entire world
Is asleep?
Only ticking of the clock & my thoughts
Are alone.
Every moment I'm alone, I think of
Thee.
Every breath that I take in solitude
Is a breath of thee.
Every waking moment, every laying
Moment, there is a thought of thee.
Of our memories, of us in my mind.
Not a day passes by when I do not feel
Thy missing presence.
Even though I'm a strong lady, full of
Unfathomable capabilities, potential,
Talent, I still feel thy absence.
The void clouds the passages o' my
Heart at midnight, when I'm alone
At night in my sea of solitude.
My strength and my void for thee are
Two sides of the same coin.

During daytime, my thoughts, my
Confidence, the way I carry myself
With elegance and poise is
Unmatchable.
But at night-
When the ravens are circling the sky,
When the moon is guiding the blind &
Wolves howl in her honour, in her
Praise; I stay awake working the
Night away.
Polishing the diamond so that I can
Shine.

Every thought with every hour that
Passes by is of thee, my darling
Father.
My sun, my light, my joy, who is no
Longer here in the human realm
Makes my soul mourn and howl with
The wolves to the moon in pain.
The heartache of two hearts separating,
One leaving this realm and another
Staying to follow the plan destiny laid
Down for her causes a sheer amount o'
Pure pain.
A pain so deep,
A pain so deep that one can hear the
Heart breaking itself into a 100 slivers.
A pain so thoroughly sharp that knives
Can be sharpened & polished through
It.
A pain so dark that it feels as if the
Entire body is aflame like the bodies
Of the dead during Agni-Karan in
Hinduism.
A pain so inside the soul that it feels
As if the body shall collapse and break
Itself into a 1000 fragments of the sky
O' the universe.

I miss my father.
I miss him with every rise and fall of
Wave like breath.
It sorrows my soul that I shall never
See his twinkling eyes, his smile,
His laughter, his wheatish skin.
It saddens my heart that I shall never
Feel his touch, his affection, his warmth
Again.
It torments my mind that I shall never
Have our conversations again.
It is a tormenting storm inside me
When epiphanies strike me that I shall
Have no-one to go to in my moments of
Darkness, weakness and strength.
Plenty of people but none with the
Familiarity I long for.

When they see me,
Their mouths are agape with shock,
Awe and pride at my sight.
The way I carry myself forward;
A King never bending.
A King never begging.
A King ruling and taking care of her
Kingdom.
Light, victory, prestige follows me
Everywhere I go.
They see the analytical maps of my
My mind.
They see the light of positivity,
They see the thunderous
Self-confidence and the enigmatic
Personality, bewilders them.

They see the King.
They see the light, confidence, the
Pride, the self sufficiency.
Yet-
No one sees the lonely hours of
Torment.
Their naked eyes dont see the puzzle
Unpuzzling in my head.
They dont see the moments of
Weakness;
The rivers never unveil themselves.
The confidence and moment of
Weakness are 2 sides of the same coin.
They never see;
They only see what they want to see—
Two sides of a coin.

-Ridhima Joshi

I recently lost my father on 17.11.20 at 1:15am. My love, the light of my life
Left me too early at the age of 57 while I'm 17 now. Too early. I miss him.
Rest in papa, I miss you, I love you.
Yours,
Sona.