Review #46

Written by: Grey-Barnes

Reviewed by: romance_lover16 aka Hailey.

Cover: The cover is very nice! It definitely bluntly shows the meaning behind the title of the story, however, I would suggest changing the font to make it more visible against the black background. Also, the heart looks a little too open on the cover. It should blend a bit more with maybe some fog to give some secrecy? Also, it looks more like a horror cover than a cover for a high school romance story, so maybe you could have two girls holding hands instead? Something to show the romance in high school!

Title: The title was straightforward and common, yet it also seemed to make sense with the story since the whole premise is a bisexual girl who falls for a female classmate, yet struggles with acceptance from her family who is anti-LGBTQ+.

Description: The Description was a little wonky. There were some grammatical errors as well as some issues with sentence construction. For example, the first sentence says, “Blond hair, Green eyed Gracelyn Rogers” when it should say, “Blonde-haired, green-eyed Gracelyn Rogers.” Also, the next sentence says, “But it can she's smart and has the prettiest eyes according to everyone they all adore her.” Which is a little confusing to understand. Instead, you could say, “She’s smart and has the prettiest eyes in the school, according to everyone that adores her, but that would be redundant, since they all do.” However, it wouldn’t be really necessary to add that sentence.

Chapter 1: The chapter was a very good beginning! We are introduced to Gracelyn, who immediately thrusts us into a description of herself and her family life. We then see Gracelyn being yelled at by her mom, who apparently blames her for her father’s disappearance. While the chapter is a good beginning, there are many run-on sentences and grammatical errors that made it hard for me to understand or point out every single one of them. There is also a massive info dump in this chapter that I think could be shown instead of told to the reader. Instead of telling us how Gracelyn looks, show us. Show me the shiny blonde streaks that rival the sun’s rays or the green eyes that remind everyone of springtime. Don’t tell me about it. The same with her family background. That could be revealed subtly or in a conversation.

Chapter 2: The next chapter is also quite intriguing, but at the same time, it’s been used over and over again in many different books. Also, whenever someone new is speaking, it’s best to start a new paragraph with their dialogue in front. In general, whenever a new character starts something new, there should be a new paragraph.

                                ~**~

Cover: 3/10
Title: 2.5/5
Plot: 8/15
Grammar: 3/10
Spelling: 8/10
Personal Enjoyment: 5/10

Overall: Overall, I think this book is a very good start! The author has narrowed down the main elements of a story and has created very personable characters. However, there are many grammatical and formatting errors that can impede with a reader’s enjoyment as well as the lack of showing and more telling in the book. With editing, however, it can be a very successful novel and I enjoyed reading about Gracelyn’s story and life with her mother, as well as her journey to self-acceptance and finding love.

-  Hayley