Chapter 2: Hurts Like Hell

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"Vivian Perez," she spoke to the officer at the passport checking space. She was holding in tears as she held her luggage. She hadn't bid a proper goodbye to her friends and completely forgot about the graduation ceremony.

Her mind was a mess and she couldn't think straight for a moment. Her mother's friend had to use one of her connections to get her the next immediate flight booked. Vivian didn't really have the courage to fly back to Seoul.

She didn't have the heart to see her sister lifeless and accept the fact that it would be the last time. She didn't have the heart to see her motionless and lying without her heart beating. She couldn't believe someone who dreamed and planned all her future had her life ended so early.



"Are you sure you are ready to raise a child? Parenting is not that easy and this decision is not reversible," Vivian spoke as she looked at her beaming sister on the other side of the call. Her sister never glowed so brightly until that day.

"I know. I know. I am mature about this and I really want to be a mother. I can't wait for this little walnut to come out," Rose chimed, holding her tummy that was barely even out. Vivian sighed but felt happy for her sister.

"How is Chanyeol feeling about this? Is he ready to take responsibility? I mean, people need time to be ready. Parenthood will be a new chapter," Vivian asked and a man popped up on the screen beside Rose.

"Noona, you don't know how happy I am with this news. I've been forever waiting to be a father. I have already booked classes for Parenting for both of us," Chanyeol exclaimed and Rose giggled as her husband hugged her from behind.

"Alright lovebirds. I get it you are immensely happy with each and with your new person incoming. What would you like as a gift? Do you want a body massager?" Vivian asked and Rose showed her entire room, equipped with all the needed gadgets..

"Tsk! I forget your excitement would freak you out and I am seeing the results already. I'll just prepare gifts for the baby then. Don't expect me to come for your baby showers and all," Vivian stated in advance and the couple frowned.

"I am not even a fun person to be around. People there try their best to avoid me. Why do you even get sulky over my absence?" Vivian jested and Rose groaned.

"You will always stay stubborn, don't you? Alright! At least, please be with me during the delivery. I swear I will not enter the hospital if I don't see you in front of me,": Rose made an understatement, and Vivian chuckled.

"Alright alright Roslyn Park, I'll be there then. Don't worry," Vivian promised and the couple jumped in happiness.



Vivian wiped her tears as she boarded the plane. She definitely knew it wasn't a dream because nightmares won't last long. She was aware because she fought her demons. But now, she knew it was real, for the long unending tears down her eyes, for the void that has formed in her heart, heavy and irreplaceable.

She wished, just for once, she wished if she could tell her sister how much she means to her, how much she loves and how much she misses her. She wished for just a minute of time with her sister, at least to stare at her in silence and look at her fondly, showering all the love she could.

It just wasn't right. It just wasn't right for her to leave so early.



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Dressed in black, the color that she always fancied now seemed dull and empty, like her life, shaded in monochrome of despair and grief. Dolour blanketed her whole self, muffing her screams of agony inside her heart.

Vivian was told to arrive at the funeral straight and it was even hard for her to accept the loss. Disheartening is nothing that could describe the girl. It was worse than death, the pain of losing a loved one.

"Eomma," Vivian ran to her mother, despite her mother busy attending to the people. She didn't care. The warmth in her mother's embrace wouldn't heal the wound but could at least help it stop bleeding, at least for a moment.

"Vivi," Vivian's mother burst into tears. It was hard to contain the sorrow when the one lost had left a large footprint on the earth, in their world. It was raw pain, loudly wailing in silent anguish. In the season where the spring should have bloomed, dead autumn reigned.

"Noona," Chanyeol came running as he hugged Vivian, bawling his eyes out. The people in the room had their hearts heavy, looking at the family mourning the loss of a wonderful woman. Rose never had a beef with anyone and was the kindest soul anyone could ever come across.

"I failed to protect her, noona. I failed," he sobbed as Vivian let out whimpers. She wouldn't blame Chanyeol but she didn't have the spirit to console him and convince him that it wasn't his fault.

It would have been far better if she had someone to point fingers at. She could vent out her frustration, showcase her anger and let out all her emotions. Unfortunately, it was maternal death.

"Where is Appa?" Vivian asked. Vivian's mother and Chanyeol stole each other's glances and then at Vivian.

"Mr. Perez had been admitted to hospital due to shock from emotional distress. Don't worry, he is recovering. It's common among people above the age of 60 years," a man in a black suit explained and Vivian looked at him with a questioning stare.

"Apologies for not introducing myself. I am Park Jimin, the second son. You must have not seen me properly at the wedding," the guy introduced and Vivan just bowed her head.

"I will go and help with the guests," Vivian spoke and Park Jimin was quick to shake his head.

"It's not the time to serve others while you can't manage yourself. Please rest and leave the responsibility to me, I am family too," Jimin assured and Vivian just nodded. Vivian's mother thanked Jimin and Chanyeol patted his shoulder.

"Chanyeol, son. Go, be with your father. He didn't speak a word at all. I know he loves Rose very much like all of us but he has not even moved from that place. Take him out and feed him something," Vivian's mother spoke and Chanyeol nodded, walking to his father.

"He was probably just grieving for the loss of an heir," Vivian muttered and Vivian's mother glared.

"I am sorry. It's all too much and I don't like Mr. Park. I'd rather believe he killed her rather than this whole thing. How can she die so easily, Eomma?" Vivian cried and Vivian's mother patted her back.

"You can't blame the death on someone, Vivi. I know you don't like their family much but they are genuinely nice towards Rose. Chanyeol treated her like a queen and you know that very well," Vivian's mother spat the truth and Vivian couldn't deny it. No matter the atrocities they have done against people, they truly cared for Rose otherwise they'd have to lose a limb or two.

Vivian then walked to Rose's photo and looked at her with an empty smile. She had so much in her heart but she decided just to stare. Her sister was ethereal and a magnificent woman. She has so much to learn from her.

I am sorry I couldn't be there for you in your last moments

I am sorry I didn't love your more

I miss you so much, Rose



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"Eomoni," a guy called and Vivian's mother was surprised at his presence.

"Oh dear, why did you take the trouble," Vivian's mother rushed towards him, holding his arm.

"I am sorry for your loss. She will be missed,"

"No, not here. Vivian is here and I don't want her to put another thing on her plate. She'll need time," Vivian's mother hurried him outside the funeral hall and the guy nodded in understanding.

"You don't have to worry about it. I'll not rush anything. I just came here to convey my deepest condolences," the guy mouthed and Vivian's mother nodded.

"Thank you for being there for my family. My husband admires you for the very reason," Vivian's mother held his hand.

"Eomoni, I'll leave now as Vivian will be around. I don't want to cause any problem," the guy uttered and left the place.



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"It's been three days and you are saying he still needs to be hospitalized. Are you trying to fool us? Are you hiding something from us? Do you know I can file a complaint against your hospital?" Vivian rasped at the doctor in charge.

"Vivian, what are you doing? When did you get here? Why didn't you inform me that you are coming here?" Vivian's mother paced towards her daughter.

"Eomma, why can't I be here uninformed?" Vivian asked, suspiciously glancing at her mother.

"Eomma, is there something I don't know?" Vivian asked and Mrs. Perez stood there silently, searching for words.

"I lost Rose and I couldn't even tell her how much she meant to me before she left this world. Being here, I don't want to repeat it again. What you would be saying could be painful, and intolerable but I don't want to leave anything unfinished. Tell me what's wrong with Appa," Vivian asked calmly and Mrs. Perez looked at the doctor.

"He had a heart attack the moment he heard the news of his daughter's demise. Since he is old, he has had a weak heart and his condition worsened. We are trying our best but he can't live for long. He needs to be under constant surveillance.," the doctor explained and Vivian stood there blankly.

"Thank you for adhering to his care and thank you for disclosing it before I could lose him," Vivian said and walked aside to sit on one of the hospital chairs outside her father's ward.

"Do you want me to live my life in regret? There's nothing I can do to make his condition better but at least, I could talk to him and spend most of my time with him. Please don't hide things from me, Eomma," Vivian pleaded as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder.

"I am sorry. I thought it would be hard on you. Your graduation ceremony is ruined and we lost our Rose. I am sure it was taking a toll on you. I didn't want you to be wrecked," Mrs. Perez explained and Vivian just encircled her arms around her mother.

"Does he know?"

"Your father knows"

"How can he be so strong in front of me? How can he act like there was nothing wrong with him?" Vivian sniveled, burying her face into her mother's shoulders. Vivian's parents are a lovely couple. They started dating in college and went a long way.

They carefully planned their life and had kids only when they were mentally prepared to raise them. They treated their daughters equally and gave them every resource they needed. Vivian's dad being a successful businessman and mother being a renowned architect made their lives much easier.

Vivian loved her parents, she couldn't ask for any better. They might want her to do things but they never forced anything on her. People could say it's the bare minimum but the world is too far from giving everyone the least.

"I want to talk to him," Vivian spoke and Mrs. Perez nodded. As she walked in, she saw her father smiling goofily at her, while holding a comic book. Tears rolled down Vivian's cheek, seeing the state of her father. He was trying too hard to see her happy.

"Oh my munchkin, why are you crying?" he asked as he extended his arms, inviting her for a hug. Vivian just sobbed in her father's arms. Her life after she stepped into Seoul was just filled with nothing but tears.

"She knows, dear," Vivian's mother informed and Mr. Perez pulled her out of the hug.

"Oh! Are you crying regarding that? I am so old and I'll have to leave one day. Do you expect this sixty-five-year-old to live forever?" Vivian's father joked and Vivian hit him slowly on her shoulder.

"Didn't know you'd grow old so fast. You should have been healthier at the least," Vivian complained and the older man chuckled at her daughter.

"How are your friends? When is Hannah getting married? Did Jackson graduate? And also Mei, she told me she'll visit Seoul and I promised to make her the best chef-style ramen," he asked and Vivian smiled. She hasn't contacted her friends yet. She knew she'd break down.

"All of us graduated. They will be mailing my degree to Seoul. Mei will definitely keep her promise and so should you. Talking about ramen, what would you like to eat the most? I'll try to cook for you," Vivian asked and the couple burst into fits of laughter.

"Oh no, you do realize your father should be treated with care, and eating your dishes is not the best suggestion. The butler is taking care of him, don't worry," Vivian's mother positively declined the offer as everyone in the family knew how much of a bad cook Vivian was.

"Why should she be talented in everything? Her IQ can't be compared and my daughter can make everyone a dumbass in the room," Vivian's father commented and Vivian smiled.

"But seriously, appa. Is there something you want me to do? I promise to try my best to fulfill your wishes," Vivian proposed and the couple looked at each other. Vivian is not the one to bend easily but they were genuinely worried for her.

"Will you look after the company once I am gone?" Mr. Perez asked and Vivian took a moment. It's as simple as a cake for her to handle her father's company. She has a Ph.D. in Business Administration, the highest degree in the respective field.

"I can do that," Vivian gave her first promise. She can continue pursuing her higher studies in Seoul or could coordinate from elsewhere but she is confident she could manage.

"I am sorry for putting that on you-"

"Appa, I know how hard you have worked to build your business. Consider this as a token of respect and appreciation for your years of effort," Vivian comforted before her father could feel any guilt.

"Take care of your eomma,"

"Does that need to be said? I will make sure eomma is eating healthy and going to the dog's cafe every day," Vivian gave another promise and Mrs. Perez hugged her daughter from the side.

"I want you to pursue what you always wanted. I don't want anything to barricade your desires and ambitions. You are beautiful and precious from inside and out. I am sorry if I ever made you feel the otherwise, I always love you. Please remember that," Mr. Perez requested and Vivian smiled, holding his hand.

"I love you too, Appa and you've never made me feel otherwise. Also, do you really think something could stop me from achieving what I want? You didn't raise your daughter to give up, Mr. Richard Perez," Vivian let out a proud smile.

"I know, I know my little snake. I might have already asked for too much. But I have another last wish. I really hope you don't deny that," Vivian's father asked, hesitantly. Vivian gestured to him to continue.

"Are you dating someone currently?" he asked and Vivian glanced at her mother who was looking back at her expectantly. She knew where this was leading but she definitely knew this was not the right time for arguing back.

"No, not anyone at the moment, Appa"

"I have someone for you. I know I should not be doing this but please give him a chance. He is a nice lad and is a hard worker, an intelligent businessman, and doesn't have a bad profile. He finished his Masters and has great insight into managing stocks. We're quite close and he is willing to marry you," Vivian's dad put forward, fidgeting with his fingers.

"But Appa-"

"I can vouch for him. He's like my son. He has spent time with me and we went to many dinners. I know him inside out and he has respect for every living being out there. Someone ideal for you," he interrupted and Vivian pursued her lips.

Marriage was never a part of the plan. She was never ready to be in a mature relationship as such. She knew some sacrifices are to be made and some adjustments need to be done to survive in a marriage and she was not ready for that.

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to. It's totally your choice. It's just a request from your parents and we will always respect your decision," Vivian's mother piped in and Vivian sighed. She knew her life would be significantly different with the options present in front of her.

"I will think about it but I can't promise anything"



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It was evening and as the sunset, her life's light had faded away. She sat there, in numb silence, far from the world, lost in another space. She felt naked to the cold, invisible storm wreaking havoc in her life. She didn't want to hear from anyone, she didn't want anyone to see her so vulnerable, broken, and ruined from the inside.

She was stuck in the dusk and no light was brave enough to cascade over the horizon. It's as if the gleam surrendered to the sad colors of grief and misery, pausing the button to a new morning for a while, unable to move on, unable to close her eyes filled with nothingness.

It hurts like hell

It hurts to lose another star in my galaxy

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Author's Note: Thanks for reading!!

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