✨OF DREAMS AND DELUSION BY Keyura_V

Title and Cover:
Indeed, a very intriguing title. That makes us eager to find out about the dreams and delusions of the characters the story has stored in there for us. The cover was a simple and nice one but I felt it could be a little better.

Blurb:
A pretty good work on the blurb! You’ve tried maintaining the curiosity factor to keep your readers engaged from the beginning itself.

A brief comment:
# There’s a very fine line between dreams and delusions. This thought was brought out quite nicely in the beginning of the story.

# Like every girl, even Alya dreamt of magic that would change her life once and for all. But as the story proceeded we were able to realize that the magic we seek outside has always been there within us.

# Piku, as Alya’s guide towards fairy land, was brought forth quite nicely in the form of the catch given.

# What I liked the most about your story was Alya being the bellwether. With her books, she taught the world what happens after ‘the happily ever after’. The thought, that whatever we feel and think about the characters of fairy tales in here affects their lives in the fairy land over there, is quite an appreciable one.

Grammar and narration:
Your narration is a simple one but a little more detailed descriptions will make it even more beautiful. However, you need to work a little more on your grammar. There were quite some noticeable fluctuations in the tenses. Also, please keep a tab of the punctuation errors. I would suggest a quick proof reading and editing.

Concluding remark:
It was really a heartwarming story. Your simple, though unique ideas shine in here. You have a long way to go. All the best!

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✨ TANGLED HEARTS BY Its-priyaanka

Title and Cover:
The title was a good one but I felt it could be a little better. The cover was really beautiful and went with your story quite well.

Blurb:
The beginning of the blurb was quite catchy but as we proceeded forward, the blurb became somewhat like an introduction of the characters. Though you have managed to maintain the inquisitiveness to a certain level. Nice work!

A brief comment:
# The whole plot line was well developed. We should actually thank you for breaking the stereotype that it’s not always the prince that saves the princess, but instead the princess, too, can be the knight in shining armor. This thought is quite appreciable.

# The characters were carried beautifully throughout the story, right from the banter between Maximus and Pascal to Rapunzel rescuing Flynn. It was penned down very well.

# You have managed to adhere to the genre well. The catch, in the form of Maximus and Pascal, was carried out quite appreciably. The way they accompanied Rapunzel during the whole journey definitely gives us friendship goals.

# However, it seems that you have slightly misinterpreted the meaning of the word given. A bellwether is not a guide, as shown in your story, but a leader or a trendsetter. He is a person that sets an example for other people.

Grammar and narration:
Your narration is pretty good and smooth, neither too simple nor too tough to understand. However, I felt that at some places the detailing was a bit more than required. Not that it’s something unappreciable, but if it would have been a bit controlled, then your narration would have been even more beautiful.

Moreover, you need to work a bit on your grammar. There were quite some fluctuations in the tenses and some typing errors as well. So, I would suggest you a quick proof reading and editing.

Concluding remark:
Overall, it was really an enjoyable read. I really liked the way you have attempted incorporating the adventure factor in your story. Quite an appreciable effort. A little work on the points mentioned above and you’re good to go. All the best!

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✨ DHRUVA – THE STAR BY shespeaks_starflyer

Title and Cover:
It was a simple title. Though, I liked it but I feel it could have been a little more creative. The cover was a nice one. It gave that mythological feeling that your story wanted to convey. Both of them went with your story quite well.

Blurb:
Please work a little more on ‘how to write a proper blurb’. No matter how good your story is, you won’t get the readers your story deserves unless and until your cover and the blurb interests them. Moreover, you’ve mentioned that the Pole Star is a part of Ursa Major, which it isn’t. The Polaris is a part of Ursa Minor and the Ursa Major circles it. Just a quick rectification of your facts. 

A brief comment:
# Though, many of us have known this story since our childhood, but your take on the story, with some twists of your own, is pretty much appreciable.

# I wasn’t expecting the rewriting of a mythological tale but you’ve carried it out beautifully. The characters were portrayed quite well and the storyline was a smooth one. Suruchi asking for Suniti’s and Dhruva’s banishment, in a way, reminded me of Kaikeyi’s demand in the Ramayana.

# You’ve followed the genre given quite well and the way you’ve used the word given is beautiful.

# However, you could have used the catch in a better way. Maybe like showing a few more instances of Dhruva’s encounter with the peacock during his childhood and his stay in the ashram.

Grammar and narration:
Your grammar is a good one with hardly a few mistakes. With a little brushing up of the rules we have learned, you can do even better. But you need to work a little more on the vocab part. You seem quite noticeably confused amongst the homophones and synonyms. We can’t use all the words at all the places. Please work a little on this aspect.

In addition to this, if you need to emphasize on any particular word or phrase during your narration, then italicize it or make the fonts ‘bold’. Please don’t capitalize them as that tends to violate the grammatical rules quite often.

Concluding remark:
The story was indeed a beautiful one. A different take on the mythological tale of the star, we all have been fascinated with ever since our childhood, was quite appreciable. You just need to work on a few more aspects to make it even better. All the best!

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✨ THE RED CRYSTAL SHOE BY niyati2701

Title and Cover:
A pretty good title that suited your story very well. The cover was nice but something felt incomplete in there. I feel it can be a little better. Something that is more relevant to your story.

Blurb:
The blurb was a good one. You’ve tried maintaining the inquisitiveness. A good work at that! It just needs a little brushing up in terms of narration.

A brief comment:
# It was indeed an interesting ride throughout. Incorporation of the modified fairy tale amidst another tale was carried out pretty well.

# You’ve opted for a dark fairy tale and that’s unique in its own way. The way you have compiled the whole thing is pretty much appreciable. The way you’ve maintained the sequence of events made the whole story even more enjoyable.

# You’ve followed the genre to quite some extent and the usage of the catch in the form of a small sparrow as a guide for Elena was a good idea. But one thing that seemed a bit odd was the continuous repetition of ‘Little Sparrow’. Giving a brief description of how tiny the sparrow was would have been enough. I felt writing ‘Little Sparrow’ again and again affected your narration a little bit.

# As far as the given word is considered, you’ve tried using it nicely but it seems you’re a little confused about the meaning of the given word. A bellwether is not a guide but a leader or a trendsetter. He does something first and others get inspired from him to do the same.

Grammar and narration:
Your narration is pretty good, neither too tough nor too simple. Just pretty soothing to understand. However, you need to brush up your grammar. There were quite some fluctuations in the tenses and punctuation errors as well.

In addition to this, I would like to give you a little suggestion as well. The paragraphs in your story are pretty long but if you will break the paragraph into two or three smaller ones then that will be even more convenient for the readers.

Also, please avoid writing the whole story in italics. Italicize the words or the part of the sentence that you need to emphasize on. That will make your way of narration even more beautiful.

Concluding remark:
That was indeed a very interesting story. The whole story was framed quite smartly. As a writer, your level of creativity is pretty much appreciable. Just focus on a few more things and you have a long way to go. All the best!

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✨ SORCERER’S LAMP BY Helly_18

Title and Cover:
A really good title, I must say. It suited your story pretty well. The cover was nice but you can definitely do better in that aspect.

Blurb:
The blurb was an interesting one. It gave us a quick glimpse of the fantasy ride the story had in store for us. Good work at that!

A brief comment:
# The whole idea of combining the story of Rapunzel with Aladdin’s genie, with a pinch of Cinderella’s magic in it, was carried out beautifully. I really enjoyed it.

# The idea of making Flynn her pet puppy, who always supported in her thick and thin was indeed a good one. An appreciable use of the catch given!

# However, the use of the word given didn’t seem satisfactory enough. The attempt at it was a good one but with the plot of such potential , you can definitely do much better.

# You’ve managed the whole story pretty well but some events, including the ending, seemed a little rushed. Though it was a happy ending, but a little more description of the whole scenario would have made the whole thing even more beautiful.

Grammar and narration:
Your basic grammar is pretty good with hardly any errors, but you need to work on your punctuations. There were quite some noticeable punctuation errors. Moreover, please use proper spacing before and after the punctuation marks and also between the paragraphs. That will make your presentation even better.

Your narration is quite a simple one. So, I would suggest you to work a little more on the narration and description part. Please, don’t just mention the scenes but explain them in a way as if you’re seeing that right in front of your eyes. In short, if you can visualize a scene right in front of your eyes as you write, your readers can do that too as they read your stories.

Concluding remark:
That was indeed a very interesting story. A really good attempt at combining all the essential elements and presenting them in front of your readers. You, as a writer, have a lot of potential. What you need is a little brushing up of your skills. All the best!

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✨ DO GOOD AND GOOD WILL COME TO YOU BY Ridhi_AG019

Title and Cover:
The title carries a good moral message, but seems too long to be used as a title. You can definitely use it as a tag line but for a title, please try using something short, crisp and to the point.

The cover seems too simple for a modified traditional tale. It gives a feeling of more of a non-fiction. So, I feel you can definitely do much better in that regard.

Blurb:
It was a good attempt at the blurb. It carried a nice social message but it seems a bit incomplete. It lacked the curiosity factor that attracts the readers to your story. So, please work a little more on how to write an interesting blurb for your story.

A brief comment:
# First of all, I would like to say that for a first timer you’ve done a pretty good job. Applauses for that!

# Your story carried a message that, in a way, each one of us is forgetting in some way or the other. ‘Do good and good will come to you’, it was definitely a thought worth the appreciations.

# Ruchi’s selflessness and care towards everyone else in the orphanage was really a treat to read.

# However, when it comes to the genre, the given word and the catch, your story seems like going a little astray. You were not expected to just pick up the moral thought that a traditional tale carries and frame a story around that, instead you had to write a traditional tale in your own way, with your own twists and turns.

# You’ve tried bringing in the two sparrows in the form of the catch but I, as a reader, was not able to connect the sequence of events. It seemed a little forced in there. Maybe, a little narration and description for connecting the events together would have made it a little better.

Grammar and narration:
Your narration was quite simple and easy going, making it pretty easy for the readers to understand. Your grammar is nice one with some very minor mistakes, which you can definitely improve with time.

Concluding remark:
It was a pretty good story framed quite nicely. You have the potential and can definitely do much better in the future. All the best!

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