As I told you, Luca's death had a profound effect on me, as it would any little boy or girl. Suddenly there was a finality to life... an endpoint I had never considered. I began to think about death... mostly at night when the darkness and silence were complete. Incredible insomnia took over my life during this time and sleep became almost impossible.

I never considered my father's death in these terrified imaginings only my mothers. Her inevitable absence in my life was terrifying.

These thoughts of death and abandonment would drive me from my bed in the wee hours of the morning and I would tiptoe down the hallway to my parent's room and peek through the door to make sure my mother was there. I would listen to her breathing, almost buried under the snores of my father and sit with my back against the wall for hours.

This continued for weeks after Luca died and would have probably gone on for much longer if it had not been for my friend Sam.

Sam was a year older than me and lived two houses down. I had known her my entire life and as far as I was concerned she was the coolest girl in the world. Of course, that was mostly because she wasn't really like a girl at all. She was the epitome of a Tomboy. Sam loved to skateboard, ride bikes and get dirty. She was always up for running wild through the forest and playing war. But she would never be the 'girl' in our games. Instead, she wanted to be Rambo, tucking her long blond hair up in a bandana and wearing her green camo pants as she chased me through the trees or 'ambushed' me from a pile of leaves.

Sam had been away when Luca died. She and her mom had just left for three weeks in PEI the day before the accident and when I finally was able to tell her what had happened she did exactly what I had expected. She punched me.

We were sitting on my bed and I almost fell off with the force of the blow. It was a good punch, right in the shoulder, it didn't hurt much but I hadn't been expecting it. A shoulder punch was Sam's 'Go to' move in most situations but I didn't think the death of my dog would qualify. I rubbed my shoulder and she smiled at me good-naturedly.

"Aw, that sucks, Brownie." She said. She never called me Joe or Joey like all of my other friends, always Brownie because Brown is my last name. I had tried calling her Kleinburg once but she had punched me in a much worse place that day and so I had gone back to calling her Sam.

"Yeah," I answered, looking away as I felt the heat rise in my face.

"He was a good dog. So did you have a funeral or anything?"

"Not really... my dad and I put a headstone on his grave though."

Sam gave a start and looked at me with wide eyes. "What? You mean he's buried here?"

"Sure, my dad dug a hole in the backyard..."

"Holy shit, Brownie! Do you know what this means?"

"No... what?"

"Ghost dog! You might have a fooking Ghost Dog, Brownie!"

Now it was my turn to stare. The thought of ghosts had never occurred to me in all of my broodings over death. Of course, it was silly. There was no way my poor little Luca would be haunting my backyard. I told Sam this in my most casual voice, hoping to diffuse her excitement. But it didn't work.

"Luca was alive and now he's dead so there is absolutely no reason why he couldn't be a ghost Brownie. We gotta check it out!"

I saw the look in her eyes and knew it was no use arguing. Once same got an idea, it was going to happen one way or another. In the end, she would get her way so I took a deep breath and let her.

"We need to have a séance!" She said jumping up from the bed.

"A what?"

"A séance, Brownie! We go out to the grave tonight and we try to talk to Luca! See if he's still here or if he's moved on... y'know to dog heaven or whatever!" Sam was twirling around the room excitedly, her hair flying.

"I dunno, Sam..." I started, twisting the bed sheets in my hands. The thought of sneaking out of my house hurt my stomach almost as much as the thought of creeping around my dog's grave in the dark.

She flopped back onto the bed making the springs squeak and banging her left knee against my right leg hard enough to make me wince.

"Man up, Brownie! It's a fooking adventure!"

"Well..." I started.

"We'll have a sleepover at my house and after my mom goes to bed we'll head back here to the grave, deal?"

I let out a sigh of relief. Sam always had a plan and this was a good one. Sneaking out of Sam's house was easy. Since her parent's divorce, Sam's mom had been so distracted that the two of us could get away with almost anything.

"Okay... deal."

She smiled and grabbed my hand dragging me up from the bed and towards the door.

"Great! Come on we gotta go to the library!"

I let her pull me along smiling stupidly. It was good to have Sam back. I hadn't realized how much I had missed her until that moment, with her warm, sweaty hand in mine and the tendrils of her hair flying in my face.

"Okay... but what are we gonna do at the library? I asked as I tripped along behind her down the stairs.

"Research!" she screamed, and we were out the front door.

***

We rode our bikes to the library three blocks over and locked them together against the fence out front. Mine was a red super cycle with high handlebars. When I had gotten it for Christmas two years before I thought it was the best thing in the world. That is until I saw Sam's.

One of the many benefits I had noticed with having divorced parents came at Christmas and birthdays. While my parents were happy to make a strict sensible budget for such times, Sam's parents seemed to feel like it was a contest. By way of attack, her mother had given Sam a stereo, with huge speakers, a turntable and a cool double cassette deck, but her father had won that battle presenting Sam with 'Goldie'... the coolest bike in the universe.

It was an incredible piece of nineteen-eighties engineering. 'Goldie' was a handmade Schwinn chopper with a gleaming gold flake paint job. It had two-and-half-foot long silver front forks and high, wide handlebars. The long black banana seat was racked back so that the rider could almost lie down while pedaling.

To my amazement, Sam wasn't all that happy with 'Goldie'. She said the bike was hard to steer and the seat hurt her back, but as far as I was concerned it was the raddest thing I had ever seen.

Sam put the cord with her house key and the padlock key back around her neck and we headed up the front steps and into the library.

Now Sam's way of finding books in the Library did not involve methodical searches through the stacks or even thumbing through the card catalog. Both of these methods would have been too simple and/or time-consuming. Instead, Sam preferred a full frontal assault... on the Librarian.

The town library was small but well stocked and well used even on a summer afternoon. Mothers sat on beanbag chairs reading to small children talking with each other as their kids played quietly with blocks or puzzles. Teenaged boys giggled in the study booths, either looking at naked pictures in the photography books or stealthily necking with their girlfriends. Elderly men and women sat in the overstuffed chairs scattered around reading novels or newspapers.

I secretly loved this place, with its smell of old books and quiet atmosphere. It was soothing and felt... right somehow.

Sam was a different story altogether. Being quiet and studious was not her thing and from the moment we arrived all eyes seemed to focus on her with distaste. Instantly the thin grey-haired woman behind the check out desk looked up from her Harlequin and scowled unabashedly at Sam.

We came around the front of the counter and Sam, seemingly oblivious to those around her, began drumming her fingers on its shiny white surface.

"What's happening, Mrs. Pardoe?" She asked in a voice twice as loud as necessary.

The librarians scowl deepened, the corners of her mouth pointing directly at the floor.

"Is there something I can help you with... Samantha?" Asked Mrs. Pardoe.

"Yup! You got any books on séances?"

Mrs. Pardoe's eyes narrowed and she threw a glance at me then focused back on Sam.

"And why, if I may ask, would you two be interested in séances?"

"Well my d—," I started, but Sam stepped hard on my toes. "Ow!"

"There was this show on TV last night and they did a séance, but it looked real fake. We're just curious."

Mrs. Pardoe shook her head and pursed her lips in disgust.

"Well, you know what they say about curiosity... it killed the cat."

"... And satisfaction brought him back!" Sam crowed in a sing-song voice.

"SHHHHHH! Keep your voice down. This is a library, not a gymnasium." Mrs. Pardoe admonished angrily.

"Sorry," I whispered, giving Sam a dirty look.

She patted her grey hair as if it might have come out of place due to the decibel level of Sam's voice and smoothed the front of her dress.

"Yes... well... you might find what you're looking for in the paranormal section. Go down to the left there, five stacks in, they're at the bottom.

Sam took off immediately towards the stacks throwing a "Thanks, Mrs. P!" over her shoulder. I tried to keep up, embarrassed as what felt like a hundred angry pairs of eyes followed us until we were out of sight.

"Geez, Sam!" I whisper-screamed at her when we were clear of the onlookers.

"What's yer problem?" She asked.

"Why do you always have to make such a... spectacle?"

Sam was pulling books off of the lowest shelf one by one and flipping through them quickly "Dude, you sound more and more like your mom every day!"

"What? No, I don't!"

"Fook... these books suck!" She said ignoring me and tossing a thick volume onto the floor with a loud thump.

I shook my head and picked it up. "How can you tell, you haven't read any of them?"

She sat down on the floor cross-legged and continued to poke at the paranormal books.

"I can just tell..."

"You just don't like them because there are no pictures." This was true. Neither of us really wanted to do much reading on the subject of séances. A handy pamphlet with illustrations would have been great but apparently, that was not in the offing. However, the reason I had said it was because Sam had embarrassed me. Sam had trouble when it came to reading and writing and this was the perfect dig.

It worked, just too well.

"What are trying to say, Brown-nose?" she snapped.

"Don't call me that!"

"Why not Brown-nose? What are you gonna do about it?"

Sam was a girl. She was also half a head taller than me and in better shape. The last thing I needed was for her to kick my butt in front of a library full of people.

I lowered my head and pretended to read the book in my hands.

"Nothin'... forget it..."

"I don't need fooking pictures! I can read just fine!" she said and there was a crack in her voice.

I felt like shit. "I know... sorry Sam."

Neither of us said anything and I found myself actually reading the book in my hands. It was called "Ghosts and the Afterlife" by someone named Schumer. I flipped back to the table of contents and found a chapter on séances.

"Hey, here's something," I said breaking the silence and trying to sound as casual as possible.

Sam leaned over to look and her hair brushed by cheek. I smelled shampoo and something muskier and felt the warmth radiating from her skin. My stomach seemed to flip flop and I found myself holding my breath.

Sam ran her finger slowly along the first few sentences of the séance chapter and closed the book with a whack.

"Yep, that'll do!" She said loudly and scrambled to her feet.

I hastily put the rest of the books back on the shelf and caught up with her at the desk with Mrs. Pardoe.

She took the book out on her battered library card and we made our way back out into the bright sunshine. Sam unlocked our bikes and climbed onto her chopper.

We rode in silence, neither of us feeling much like talking. The fight had been a fairly minor one but then there was that moment when she leaned over me. I had never thought of Sam as anything more than a friend before. I wondered if she had felt it too.

Finally, we skidded to a stop in my driveway.

"Okay... um... I guess I'll take the book home and read up on séances." Sam said, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of herself. "You should go and ask your mom if you can sleep over at my place."

"Yeah... sure."

"Okay... well, see you later, Brownie." She said smiling a little tentatively.

I raised my hand and waved to her as she rode away

"See you."