Arjun's boots crunched into the snow, footprints trailing behind him with each lift of his leg "I traced your phone to the apartment, but Noor checked earlier and-".

Not paying attention he rushed over to it with Oatie at his heel. A closed door had never meant as much before, but now he understood the meaning of shutting a door to never open it again, his wife was a soul who'd forever haunt him, slipping through the underneath to reach him once more, she wasn't the type he could ever lockout, she'd stay with him regardless of whether she was actually there or not. The second Aditya swung the cottage door open, bright lights flashed before his eyes, blinding him for a few seconds till he found the strength to blink through the haze to see his wife with a present in her hand.

"Surprise" her smile was wide, hair pin-straight around her face that glowed with that pineapple cream he favoured. Placing the gift down, she rubbed from the elbows downwards, cupped her baby blue shirt sleeves, then dug her hands into her jean pockets. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was, I wanted to surprise you and I knew if I did it on your birthday then you'd work it out" approaching him slowly, her hands slowly moved to his waist as her head tipped up "Aditya, are you mad at me?"

Blinking back tears, he shook his head lightly "No, no one has ever done anything like this for me, I" he fell silent as he took in the balloons waving by the ceiling coupled with the banner atop the table of food. "I thought you left me, I was so-".

"Urgh" Noor shoved past them, "I get you want to hug and kiss, but my baby is hungry" grabbing a handful of crackers she shoved them into her mouth.

"Excuse my wife" Arjun huffed for the millionth time that day, her pregnancy hormones meant their romance was either all there or all not, now she was bombarding someone else's couple time and that really wasn't okay, "She has no manners" scowling at her, he looked between the two women. "Noor, did you know where Zoya was?" He was no fool and knew just how fun she usually found this kind of thing.

Swallowing the food painfully, she looked down so her curly hair would cover her face "Well, maybe, listen I only sent you on a wild goose chase because you took the ice cream off me last night and Aditya is all Zoyafied and I thought why not get my own back" she shrugged, moving to hide behind Zoya.

Her husband shut his eyes tightly "You were on your third tub" he screamed, he should've listened to his mother and got a divorce, she was going to cause him an aneurysm at this point!

She gasped "You let them believe I was missing?"

"Haha, yeah, why do you think I picked the code 'I'd like to report a missing person'?" Noticing the glares thrown her way by the two men, she fell onto the sofa. "Don't look at me, the baby loves drama, none of this would have been possible without me kicking Sheila out, you should all be saying thank you". Sighing again, she blew her hair from her face "You're all so ungrateful, when you annoy me I get more hungry, so don't blame me if I eat all the food".

Zoya giggled into her husband's chest "Noor, I made you your own cake" she pushed the plate towards her, "Enjoy".

Her eyes twinkled as she jumped into her arms "You're the bestest friend ever, you don't know how much I love you, I love you more than anyone" she almost wanted to cry as she rained kisses all over her face. "You better keep her around, big bro or I'll beat you up".

Aditya smiled "Looks like you have a fan" cupping her cheek, he ran the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip. "I'm so lucky to have you, Zoya, sometimes I think that my life isn't real, because nobody gets it this good, but you make it good, you make me good". He was the kind of man that knew how to run well, he didn't know how to stay put and surround himself with people capable of loving him, but his wife made him want to change all of that, he wanted to stay for her, stay for him, he wanted a family, the good kind, but had given up long ago searching for something he never expected to find, then again the best things tended to come along when you least expected it and when you stopped searching for it. Life wasn't a word search, yet somehow he'd managed to find a word he never expected to, a word he'd once vowed to never feel again.

Holding out an envelope, she grinned shyly up at him "I wanted to give you this today and the other present tonight, is that okay?"

"More than okay" he assured, running his index finger beneath the opening, scanning the inside, he pulled out two pieces of rectangular shaped paper. His brows furrowed "Tickets?"

"Well" she clenched her hands together, "I went out this morning with Noor to get them, I know our wedding wasn't normal, but I thought maybe our honeymoon could be". Noticing his stern expression, her face dropped "We don't have to go, I just thought-".

"It's perfect, I" he gulped, "I just haven't left here in years, I guess I never had a reason to leave until now, but I want to go" he cupped her face, "I want to go with you" he nodded.

"If you're sure? I don't want to force you to do something that makes you uncomfortable" patting down his collar, she rested her cheek on his chest.

"More sure than you know" he couldn't live in fear forever and it wasn't fair to expect her to stay in the cold with him like that, she deserved the heat, the warmth and to bask in a similar light that she'd brought to his life.

Noor carried the large cake in slowly, her husband holding her hair up and away from the flames as she walked. "Time for the cake" she cheered, placing it down gently, "Make a wish, make a wish".

Though Aditya wasn't exactly sure what more he could wish for, he closed his eyes, allowed the slow rhythm of their happy voices to sing him into a happy state and blew as hard as he could.

The flames all went out at once and with that came a sharp knock on the door.

Lifting his head slowly, he stood to his full height, made his way to the door and began to pull it open "How can I-" he choked over the words, feet moving backwards without his permission till he fell back and skidded toward Zoya's feet. His hands found his head, nails scraping his scalp and his palms pushing harshly into his eyeballs to cover the darkness protruding from the figure before him.

"Aditya, Aditya, are you okay?" Leaning down, she rested a hand on his formed bicep, squeezing it tightly to get his attention.

Pushing his thumbs into the straps of his jeans, he fanned his hands out and rubbed at the leather of his belt "Adi, Adi, why so scared?" Nadeem smiled politely as he always did. There was nothing abnormal about him, nothing ugly either, he was the common man you'd meet walking down the street, the kind fellow who'd smile your way and wish you a happy morning, he wasn't what you'd expect because you really never could expect a man like him, there was no valid stereotype, he did not fall into a category, he was both the kind human who helped you carry your shopping as well as the despicable kind who grunted, groaned and released into the youngest of the young.

Rubbing soothing circles on his back, she held him to her, hand guarding half his face "It's okay, it's okay".

But it wasn't. It never would be. He wanted to be stronger, to stand unafraid, but years of hiding meant he'd never faced his demons, never confronted his trauma or even began the journey of healing, she had because she was strong, he was what his Uncle always knew him to be, made him to be- weak.

Arjun gathered Noor up by her elbow "We should go" he pushed her to the door, "You too" he shoved him back, slamming the door behind him.

The echo of his voice bounced around them, swarming like flies and gnats in his face, leeches sucking at his blood and heavy jaws tearing his skin till all he could hear was: "Happy Birthday, Adi, Happy Birthday, Adi, Happy Birthday, Adi" then he was up, hands hurrying to bolt the door and shove the table against it. Stepping backwards, he grabbed clumps of hair, pulled it from his forehead and let out a crisp yell that added more coldness to the altitude.

"Adi-".

"Don't" he spun around, eyes bloodshot and hair sticking up in different directions. "Don't you dare say that name, this, all of this is your fault" he couldn't think straight, couldn't stand up either, all he could focus on was the fact that if she hadn't picked up the phone this wouldn't have happened. "I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready, you had no right to force me" he gasped for breath, fingers slapping atop the shelving unit.

Zoya sucked in a harsh breath, tears clouding her vision. This could not be happening again, not like this, not so soon. She'd got so close to happiness, to good, she refused to believe he was like the rest, he was different because he was hers. "Aditya, please just talk to me, I can help if-".

Flinging his hand back it knocked into the vase causing it bound into her cheekbone, smashing atop her face and bruising her eyelid. Turning at the noise, he froze "Zoya" his hands rose, eyes so wide and his chest so tight that both blinking and breathing felt impossible when he watched her fall to the ground onto shattered glass. "No, no" he crept forward, "No, no, I didn't mean that, I didn't mean to, NO" he screamed, reaching out for her unconscious body and pulling it to his.

I know this wasn't what you wanted, but I did this for a reason. Trauma isn't beautiful, no matter what social media tries to make it, depression, anxiety and abuse has been glorified for years, you can't just breathe and move on, you don't just put it to the back of your mind, you hurt like hell and when you're hurting you tend to hurt others, no it isn't nice, but it's human! This story is a very, very human look at mental illness, abuse, trauma, love and human nature and I want this to be realistic, they won't be fixed so quickly, it takes time and Aditya hasn't even begun to deal with his past, now he's had to face something he spent years running from, that doesn't mean he is bad for losing it, he's just human and hurting and he's not in the right state, he's terrified and when you're scared like that you either fight, flight or freeze, he's ran all his life, he froze when Nadeem arrived and now he is fighting. I hope that makes my standpoint clearer, I will not be changing the way this has gone, I adore you all, but the time is now to start talking about difficult things and facing the truth that this kind of thing isn't beautiful and can't be romanticized, but they'll make it, because I still believe good always wins, otherwise what am I fighting for if I believed anything else?