It was almost midnight, New Year's Eve 1999. Clare was standing by her mother and Frank Middleton, with a glass of red wine in her hands.

"... Five, Four, Three, Two, One – Happy New Year!" everyone cried. Balloons were tossed high up to the ceiling and streamers were popped

. . . POP . . . POP. POP . . . POP. Glasses clinked and people all over the room hugged one other.

"Happy New Year, Darling." said Kathy hugging Clare.

"And to you mum."

Then it was Frank's turn for a hug.

"I wish you all the best of everything." he said, kissing her cheek whilst smiling profusely.

"And you Frank. I feel so happy for you and mum."

He then drew Kathy, laughing into his arms.

"Isn't this exciting?" said Kathy. "Seeing the dawn of a new Century. The year 2000 I can hardly believe it!"

"And we, my precious darling, are going to have the year of a lifetime!" cried Frank.

As the refrains of 'Auld Lang Syne' faded away, Sandra called out

"Come on everyone, outside for the fireworks." Laura, Sophie and Toby were made to sit in the conservatory, whilst the grown ups trooped out onto the garden patio; all except Clare who sat down in the conservatory, with the children snuggled up close. It was kind of Sandra, she thought, to invite them to her New Year's Eve party, but she felt very bad for Alan. He'd had nowhere to go and it made her feel really awkward.

As much as she had tried to get him out of her mind, it wasn't an easy task. He was so embedded in her heart, it would take more than a few words, or thoughts or even miracles to let him loose; but at least, she had not shed one more tear...

As the fireworks began to explode in sparkling colours into the black sky, the girls scrabbled to the window to watch more closely. Toby who was sitting on her lap, looked straight up at her, his eyes black and pleading;

"Unca Ala?" he asked.

These were his words for 'Uncle Alan'. A sharp tug pulled at her heart. Toby loved Alan and was obviously missing him too. He often come to stay with Clare over the weekend and Alan had spent 'fun' time with him at her flat. "Nanny will take you to see Uncle Alan, very soon." she remarked; and those words seemed to placate him and he cuddled into her and started to suck his thumb.

A horrible, black empty feeling welled up inside of her and she suddenly felt extremely sick.

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