Journal Entries from May 2020

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Where do dreams stop and where does reality begin?

Parts of us are scattered in the mind and dreamlike worlds as we project ourselves in past memories, possible future events, and fantasies we daydream about.

Smells are so overpowering in that they can really brighten things up or disturb and greatly trouble you. Very few things are more upsetting and utterly perturbing than wretched and repulsive smells.

What is significant in psychic life always is below the horizon of consciousness.

Daytime waking reality is like a bad dream and I long for the night when my physical body sleeps and my spirit awakens.

According to C.G. Jung, the spirit is the living unseen body within, and the body is the outer manifestation of the living spirit; the two being one.

When you continually revolt against goodness and run towards darkness, you begin to have great trouble in locating the light.

Can a society be blameless and free from all responsibility from the criminals and the crimes they commit in said society? There is a saying that provocatively claims, "a society receives the criminals it deserves." Which one can agree with because it isn't difficult to find real world examples, the places considered the most dangerous typically have corrupt leaders, a corrupt government, and a large wealth gap caused by policies and legislation created and voted on by their leaders.

Death can only be accepted as a promising event if life becomes so wretched that one yearns for it in order for their life to end, or one believes in a heavenly afterlife that is far superior to Earthly reality. Otherwise death is seemingly a terrible event that one wishes to evade eternally, hence our obsession with immortality and youth, and constantly attempting to discover methods in which we can extend our lives. We are now trying to find out if it is possible to upload our consciousness into a computer, and by doing this, we believe we will live for as long as this computer exists, which can be far longer than an average human life, since we attach living with self-consciousness.

It seems to be far more intelligent to go with the stream of time instead of trying to swim against the current and to go backwards. By swimming against the current, you are only left feeling exhausted, frustrated, and you inevitably fail in this task because one cannot go back in time for time does not stand still, it rushes forward.

Music is an effective way to cast spells.

If thought can corrupt language, then language too can corrupt thought.

What if the way we slaughter our food not only affects the taste, but it affects the energy we derive from it? A tortured animal killed in a brutal manner may release terrible energy which we then ingest and it becomes a part of our nature and we absorb that negative energy.

Archetypes wrestle and battle one another in the collective and individual psyches.

Cynicism leads to despair and indolence. Cynicism keeps one from taking proper responsibility for their life with all its incumbent weight, that includes errors and greatness. The optimists are the inventors, the entrepreneurs, those who believe in the future or believe they can change the world.

The unconscious is autonomous. Internal and external entities existing in and out of the human psyche.

Love just has to touch us once in order for us to have that life long feeling, memory, and beautiful experience.

The artist can neither turn away from his time nor lose himself completely to it; a delicate balance must be struck.

Sin means without, to live a life of sin is to live a life without God; this leads to death, but a life for God leads to eternal life.

Life has the remarkable ability of turning many optimists into pessimists.

When you look back on your life, do you see it as trivial? A life of frivolous nonsense, devoid of any real meaning or significance?

Perhaps one is supposed to live nobly and bravely, full of optimism and a love of life. By loving existence, you are revolting against the suffering and devastation of the world and establishing some freedom, and acting as light in the darkness. Your existence alone can become an act of rebellion against the corrupt nature of being and against the death instinct that is so pervading. The death instinct that constantly tries, and typically succeeds, to beat one down until they become apathetic, and are in so much utter despair that they yearn constantly for an escape, they long for death, but let us long for life. Let us act in love. Let us be lights in a rather dark and gloomy world.

There is a perplexing comfort that accompanies sorrow and nihilistic apathy.

Cynicism has its comforts and pleasures.

Negativity is almost addicting, it seems to be far more addicting than positivity. Perhaps because it is easier to be negative, because being negative takes far less energy. To be positive, joyous, sociable, excited takes a tremendous amount of energy, it is why these positive people are often described as being "full of energy."

It is truly ridiculous and illogical that people are constantly in a rush to nowhere important, or rushing to places of work in which they often loathe and utterly despise. People are in a chronic state of unrest, and rush through life without ever stopping to live.

The famous dictum, "distance makes the heart grow fonder," seems to be completely incorrect to me. Perhaps this was true for an earlier age, but in our current age this seems to be to the contrary. Long distance relationships rarely work, romantic and platonic. You quickly forget about this person, even best friends, when you are not physically close to them. Thoughts of them diminish over time, and even your feelings for them fade as the feelings themselves diminish in their strength. Their importance lessens immensely when you begin to realize that your life continues just fine without them. This lack of necessity results in a lack of thinking about these people who were once so vitally important in your life and you couldn't imagine your life without them. Now that you don't have to imagine, you are living a life without them, you realize that you don't need these people in order to live, thus the relationship often ends completely, or it fades to the occasional thought, or text message once every year or so in which you are now reserved to be strangers who keep in touch. These people are then preserved for the distant fond recollection, and they become amusing characters in your anecdotes.

When you consciously see something from another person's perspective, compassion for them is far more easily obtained.

Humans differ in their virtues but are alike in their vices.

Those who think like criminals change the world and its systems. Those who obey preserve order and prevent society from collapsing into complete chaos. Both are needed, the energies of chaos and order.

How to begin an internal quest into the unconscious? Additionally, how does one remain safe in this venture? How does one keep from becoming possessed by the great and perilous forces that lie in the unconscious?

The great many of us have a desperation to feel, just to feel something that moves the soul, stirs passions inside of us. How we long for this, in which we never imagined we would be desperate for. How did life drain us of vitality and leave so many of us as hollow, false personas, automatons who perform banal tasks out of habit?

If one does not possess an aim in life, is it any wonder why life becomes aimless, and one becomes susceptible to nihilism?

The monster that terrorizes us is one in which we are often ignorant of and blind to, that monster is ourselves.

All things considered good and evil stem from the human psyche. Yet, the culture, the intellectuals, the masses, the society, and the leaders all seem to ignore it.

Can one even live a life in modern society without an anxiety or impulse to document it?

If you do not document your life, do you actually exist in this modern new digitally connected world?

The commercialized culture has pervaded all of life even the banal parts of it. People watch other people live life, even if what the person is doing is not very remarkable nor entertaining. For example, people literally watch other people opening boxes, and watch people eat food. Hyper realization continues to progress, it may eventually lead to something resembling the Truman Show, in which everyone's lives are recorded for all to observe, every second of it. Privacy has become something of the past, and now everyone shares their lives with everyone in this new-altered form of reality.

We are encouraged to share everything: our homes, our cars, our bikes, our clothes, even our lives.

Is the goal of mankind to make that which is unconscious conscious? In other words, to make the unconscious completely aware of itself? In esoteric terms, for Source to become aware of itself, to understand the totality of all creation.

One of the negative aspects of science is that it seeks to keep the world and its inhabitants simple, definable, and predictable. It obscures this desire by employing abstraction, complex formulas and superfluous jargon. In short it attempts to kill the individual for the sake of the average, to make people statistics.

The world elicits a similar response to that of when one spots an unwanted spider, though it is typically innocuous, we can't help but be gripped by fear, dread and disgust.

Lascivious behavior continues to grip the hearts and minds of our culture. The shame has been eliminated and it is now labeled as empowering for men and women to be sexually explicit.

I take sick pleasure in wallowing in my grief and sorrow. The melancholy is so addicting and paradoxically provides an odd sense of comfort and happiness.

I have an unmatched contemptuous attitude towards those who parade themselves as holy and virtuous people. Those are the type of hypocrites I do my best to avoid and never be associated with, people who are either insecure liars, or completely and utterly ignorant to themselves. The latter are the most dangerous type of man because they are unaware of their heinous desires, thus they will act in a destructive manner but believe that they are assisting mankind. They are the poor-man's Karl Marx, which is saying quite a bit, since Karl Marx was extremely poor, and this is an insult to Marx. He at least had his own interesting thoughts and ideas. This type speaks in cliches and platitudes. They have never had an individual thought, belief, or opinion of their own; they are easily controlled, manipulated, and persuaded by any type of charismatic or clever leader.

As we age, we tend to become more reserved, taciturn, and we care less about what others think of us.

I have not stared at the night sky in months, and that streak ended tonight. The brilliance, the beauty, and the mystery is so utterly enthralling that it speaks to the heart. The visceral effect causes not only a physical emotion but a spiritual sensation. I felt enamored by it, and felt a deep connection to something greater. I did not feel either small or unimportant, quite the contrary. I indeed felt empowered, important, special, energized, thankful and excited for my existence, for this opportunity for life.

Ayn Rand's novel, The Fountainhead, is a compelling read, not for sentimental and beautiful prose, but for its triumphant praise of human excellence. The book is a rational, clear understanding of her philosophy and her belief in mankind. She recognizes the fault and mediocrity and utter falseness of the majority but also points out the few, the proud, the great individuals who do indeed shape history. She writes in a manner that displays her desire to empower her readers, to set high standards, and to teach them to never bow down to anything, to not live a life serving others. Ayn Rand demands and respects excellence, competence, free thinkers, and those who are independent and responsible. She wants humans to not pity others, and to not expect or desire pity from others. For pity is a cruel evil.

Think about the people that you admire and respect, what kind of character do these people possess? We do not respect or admire victims, we respect and admire those who are competent, courageous, creative, free thinking, and those who possess values and always uphold their values and never disavow their values even when their values are attacked by the public. They do not apologize for their existence, nor do they demand that other people love, respect, pity, or have compassion for them, they just live. Those are the kinds of people we aspire to be.

It is a magnificent treat when you are granted the opportunity to experience the splendor of life.

Every single day we subtly change, so subtly, that it goes undetected. Then over time we suddenly try to become conscious of who we are and come to the troubling realization that we are complete and utter strangers to ourselves. We wonder when and how we lost ourselves, and in the blur banality of days we can't seem to pull out a single significant moment in which we can account for the change in our character and psyche. This inability to locate significant moments points to the reason why we are in this tragic situation in which we are strangers to ourselves. The vapid existence in which we chose to live did indeed drain us of all life, of all soul, of all passion, of our individuality and now we are left with a hollow, faceless figure of a person who now looks toward others to define us, to tell us who we are, and to provide us with purpose and meaning.

Nihilism is such an attractive philosophy for some odd reason. Songs like Born To Die by Lana Del Rey give nihilism a cool anthem that appeals to the youth. It is sexy, hip, dark, moody, and alluring. Rationally nihilism is a reprehensible philosophy that leads to despair, apathy, and often addictions.

Truly good music can inspire and speak to your soul, similar to a great book and film. Music speaks and moves the subconscious mind. Music is often considered the greatest art form, and it is the one thing that every single person on the planet enjoys.

To pity someone is to give someone zero respect and to have absolutely no reverence for the person. It is one of the cruelest things one can do to another person, or give to another human being, to give them their pity.

Many of us, I included, lack the necessary courage to do what we truly want.

Why are so many of us naturally intrigued by darkness? Darkness seems to possess a greater attraction than goodness, the light.

Many do not desire to be great but wish to be thought of as great.

Being selfish is not reprehensible, this idea is reprehensible because one often loses themselves trying to avoid being thought selfish. To abandon yourself for the acceptance of others is an utter tragedy that many of us fall prey to.

In the realm of values, of judgment, of spirit, of thought, people place others above themselves. Therefore in essence, they betray themselves, there is a valid reason for why Dante placed betrayal at the lowest circle of hell, for why he considered it the greatest of all sins.

It is quite easy to fake virtue in the eyes of others, but to try to fake out yourself is a damn near impossible task.

Our society cares more about a person's title than the person.

Rarely does one consult themselves to form a thought or opinion, they instead look to see what others think and believe.

"Not to think, but to repeat." - The motto of the masses.

The masses become blind and rationality no longer works on them.

We've been taught to seek ourselves in others, to look externally for an identity.

If one doesn't respect nor love themselves, they will be utterly incapable of respecting or loving another.

Humans can learn from one another, but no man can give another man the capacity to think.

Man can survive off the independent mind of his own, or he can be a parasite feeding off the minds of others and off the creations of others.

The creator originates, the parasite borrows.

The creator demands nothing, the parasite demands everything.

The creator needs no one, the parasite needs others for its survival.

Altruism demands that man live for others and place others above their own self.

Parasites have turned selflessness into a virtue, just as long as that means they can be selfish, but others must be selfless and give to them while they do not have to give or produce anything. They consume and never produce.

One cannot be selfless if they have no self to give.

Our culture sacrificed God for the fervent belief and worship of nothingness and meaninglessness.

We modern people would rather believe in nothing than to believe in something.

We are told that the world and the people in it are all unimportant and that all of life and the universe has no purpose and is devoid of meaning. Then we wonder and debate on why the modern populace suffers psychological diseases, and why we have a drug crisis, and why there is an ever increasing widespread depression and an increase in suicides. Could one of the reasons possibly be that our "experts" and "leaders" tell us that our lives are completely meaningless.

If God doesn't exist, and there is no judgment, and there are no true consequences to our actions, we rationally are granted the ability to do whatever we like. Morals dissipate.

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