I took out my phone and pretended to get a notification.

"I'm sorry, Will, but it looks like I have to cut our time short," I said. "It was nice meeting you again."

Before he could even respond, I sprinted back the way we came. I ran all the way back up to my school and called Mama to pick me up.

"Mom, I know you're at work, I'm sorry. Please come get me," I said, about to cry as I was on the phone with her.

"Calm down, little soldier, I'll come. What happened?"

I couldn't tell her. If I told her, it'd get her hopes up, and then she'd get my hopes up, and I couldn't handle that right now.

After I thought about what to say (because I didn't want to lie to her), I sighed. "I just... I need to come home, and I don't want to call my friends to drive me."

~

Mama sat me in the kitchen. She started baking some cookies, filling the dining room up with the swift kicking smell of vanilla.

I sniffled, but tried not to cry in front of her. She was too sweet of a woman, who has done too much for me, to see me break down in front of her. That heartache is one I'll never know, but I don't want her to see it happen again.

I took a deep, shaky breath. She didn't say anything, knowing that I'd just feel overwhelmed if she pushed.

"Mama?" I choked quietly.

She glanced back with an affirming smile, "Yes, love?"

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sorry that I've been such a mess for so long now."

She shook her head and smiled again warmly, "You have nothing to apologize for. We're all just learning, here."