Chapter 16

Make It Right

He can sense her nerves. Nicco knows she was trying her best not to worry about it. But she keeps on pressing her lips and she would space out for a few seconds in the middle of eating dinner.

"Sige na. Sabihin mo na. Kanina pa kita nahahalata," sabi niya.

"Ha?"

I knew it. She was spacing out. "Kanina ka pa hindi mapakali. Ano bang sinabi ni Ms. Marga sa 'yo?"

Francine sighed. "It's . . . nothing. Later na lang after ng dinner natin please? I don't want to ruin the night."

"Pero kanina ka pa kasi binabagabag. Okay lang naman kung pag-usapan natin. Ano ba 'yon?"

She pressed her lips together, gently dropping her knife and fork beside her plate.

"Sa work ba?"

Tipid siyang tumango. "Somehow."

"New project?"

"No, hindi siya new project."

"Brand deal? Na hindi mo gusto?"

"No din. It's not a brand deal."

"Interview?"

Umiling si Francine. "No."

"Problem sa colleague?"

"No."

There goes the list.

An idea was forming in his mind, but he's not quite sure about it. It's too soon if her management knows about them already, but there's only one way to confirm his hunch.

"Tungkol ba sa atin?" he asked.

He saw how the muscles in her jaw tensed at his question, and he could clearly mark her hesitation with the brief silence passing between them. Her eyes dropping on her plate, the slight tugging of her brow, and the line forming on her lips. He could recognize the look on her face.

He knew it too well.

"Okay . . . " His voice lingered.

"May kumuha ng picture natin earlier sa grocery. I really thought walang nakakapansin sa atin kanina kasi wala naman akong nahahalata and wala ring lumalapit but kinuhaan pala tayo ng picture. Isang photo lang nakita ko kanina habang kinakausap ko si Ms. Marga. Nasa poultry section tayo tapos you were reaching for a tray of eggs, ako naman nakatayo lang sa may cart. Hindi ko sure if may iba pa."

"Wala lang naman siguro 'yon? O may sinabi ba sila?"

She nodded slowly.

"Ano sinabi nila?"

"Some people were saying na I had the audacity to go out when I can't even show up sa work para sa interviews and promotions namin sa movie for no reason at all."

"No reason?" Nangunot ang noo ni Nicco.

Tumikhim siya. "Okay, sige. They don't need to know that you went through surgery kasi that's private information. Pero sa grocery ka lang naman pumunta? Unless nakita ka nilang nasa mall para gumala or mag-shopping or sa bar para sa night out?"

"Exactly! Bumibili lang tayo ng food and toiletries kanina, bawal ba 'yon? Hindi ba 'yon basic human needs para gawin ko?" Napasinghal si Francine.

The creasing on her forehead deepened and he could clearly see how upset she is now. Sure, that grocery run was a date, and it's a known fact only to the two of them.

"Hindi man lang lumipas isang araw," Francine mumbled.

I know, a voice whispered on his mind. He couldn't deny his disappointment, and it was their first date, too.

Pero ayaw niya na ring dagdagan. Given that Francine's already upset about it.

"May kailangan ba tayong gawin? Ano sinabi ni Ms. Marga?" he asked.

"Tinanong niya kanina if tayo daw ba ulit."

"Oh . . . "

"I said yes."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Talaga?"

"Yup."

"Is that okay?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Pero it's not something I'm going to deny anymore. Kasi it's true naman, we're dating again. Ayaw ko na rin mag-pretend katulad dati na hindi so other people could ask me out on dates and I would say yes for the sake of publicity and status."

"Francine . . ."

She shook her head. "Hindi mo 'yon deserve noon and clearly hindi mo rin deserve ngayon. I'm not sure paanong approach gagawin ko this time pero all I know is ayaw ko na maging unfair ulit sa 'yo."

He paused in surprise at her statement. Napasandal din siya sa upuan niya. He blinked a few times, his eyes still fixed in her direction. While Francine kept her gaze on her plate, a surge of heat rushed to his cheeks, and he doesn't know why it feels flattering and reassuring at the same time.

He didn't expect it considering her standing in the industry these days. Francine was at the height of her career. If there's a high time for her to protect her privacy and personal life, and for her strings to remain detached, it's right now.

"Okay lang naman."

"Ha?" Napaangat ng tingin si Francine sa kanya. "Anong okay lang?"

"I mean, it's okay if you tell them you're single and we're just two friends na bumibili kanina sa grocery. I understand—"

"No," she said, cutting him off.

"Pero para hindi ka na rin nila guluhin and baka magalit din fans mo kapag nalaman nila na may boyfriend ka."

"Still, no," she said firmly. Napahigit din siya ng hininga saka napailing. "Nicco, it's unfair. I don't want a repeat of what happened before. Hindi na ako papayag sa gano'n and I don't want you to compromise to that for my sake."

She paused. Her shoulders fell when a breath escaped her lips. "I don't want to sacrifice this again and lose you again."

"Francine . . ."

Umiling siya. "No."

Nicco heaved a breath. He couldn't hide the faint smile crossing his lips and the warmth slowly rushing from his cheeks to the corner of his eyes.

Maybe he wasn't used to it because he was always the one doing the adjusting and understanding before. Kasi hindi naman mahirap saka kaya ko naman, isip-isip niya.

Yes, at first it wasn't hard going out in public and pretending they didn't know each other. Na kahit sa mismong date nila e hindi niya masabayan sa paglalakad si Francine. He couldn't even hold her hand.

It wasn't hard when she was being asked by certain people about him and she would say that they were only friends right in front of him. It wasn't hard to understand she needed to date someone in their industry to boost her status. It wasn't hard getting stood up and waiting for a reason why she couldn't make it in time for his birthday and their anniversary.

It wasn't hard to pretend it was all okay.

Until every bit of those pieces began to pile up and it crushed them apart.

So, right now, hearing those things from her felt like he was seen. That she knows how he felt during those times he chose to understand, to adjust and to pretend. It felt nice to be considered.

That after all this time, and after all the years and sacrifices they made, she was willing to put him first.

Nicco reached for her hand resting on the table, filling in the empty gaps in between her fingers.

He missed this too. He missed her a lot.

He was the one who let her go, but Francine left a hollow mark the moment she was gone. Nicco denied himself every right to miss her, to see her, to check up on her, and to ask their friends how she was doing, especially when he was the one who initiated their breakup.

But each passing day was hollow. He studied and worked and passed his exams, then studied more, worked some more, until it became a routine he accepted he'd do for the rest of his life. There was no other purpose anymore. Just a life dedicated to his work and his patients.

It was still fulfilling, especially when he knew his competence in their field was enough validation to know he was doing an excellent job for a future neurosurgeon.

Fulfilling, but not quite. The hollow she left seemed like an endless void. Left untouched and reserved.

"We can keep this private," he said.

"No. Please? Ayaw ko talaga."

He smiled. "I know. Pero private naman. Hindi secret. Just private."

"Oh . . ."

"Hear me out, okay?"

"Sige." She nodded.

"I'm okay with private. Hindi natin kailangan mag-confirm o mag-deny sa ibang tao. If kila Hale o sa family natin, then of course, 'wag mo akong itanggi, ha?"

A smile cracked on her lips. "Of course! Never naman kita tinanggi sa friends and family natin."

Napatango si Nicco. "I know."

"Pero are you sure? Na this set up is okay for you?"

"Oo. Unless nasa contract mo na bawal ka ma-engage sa kahit anong romantic relationship."

"No. Wala namang ganiyang clause."

"Then we're okay."

"So we're not going to confirm or deny? Paano 'yon? Do I just give them a vague answer?"

"Yes. Okay na siguro 'yon. Just let them speculate and think. We don't owe anyone our privacy and personal life."

"Tama ka naman. Pero I want to ask again if you're really sure about this?"

He nodded, gently brushing his thumb along her knuckle to assure her everything's going to be fine.

"Yes. We can keep it that way para hindi rin ma-compromise career mo—"

"You know what?"

"Ano 'yon?" he asked.

"Somehow, I don't really care."

"Francine . . ."

"I've sacrificed enough for this. My privacy, my personal relationship, my health . . . I think I earned my right din naman to be selfish kahit ngayon lang."

"But not at the expense na masisira din career mo."

"I know. Pero I know din na I don't have to make my life revolve around this job. It pays well, but this isn't my whole life."

"Kaso alam mo rin naman 'di ba? I won't stand between you and your dreams. Hindi rin kita papipiliin do'n," he replied.

Most especially when it took her a long time to figure out what she wanted to do. Standing between her and her dreams was the last thing on his list.

"You know, somewhere down the line I realized na this isn't everything? Lalo na no'ng naka-confine ako after surgery. Dati kahit nilalagnat ako dahil sa pagod at puyat, pumupunta pa rin ako sa taping kasi nahihiya ako kila direk pati na rin sa iba kong kasamahan sa project? Na kahit hindi ako okay, pinipilit ko sarili ko magtrabaho and mag-improve para makita and malaman nila na deserve ko 'yong mga binibigay sa aking project kahit baguhan pa lang ako?" Her voice cracked.

"Thankful ako sa privilege ko dahil sa name ni Tita Marianne sa industry. Na palagi akong favored dahil sa kanya. Na hindi ko na kailangan mag-audition para sa ibang roles ko dahil sa connections niya. But at the same time, alam ko rin na ang unfair ko sa iba. Na they're trying really hard to land a job na kusang binibigay sa akin then I'll just screw it up? I know maybe I'm not even half as deserving as them. But I want them to know na I'm equally passionate sa field namin. That's why I kept on working and striving na kahit may sakit ako, okay lang. Na kahit laklakin ko na lahat ng glutathione pills para lang mabawasan pagiging morena ko kasi gusto nila maputi, okay lang. Na kahit nagugutom na ako, basta kailangan kong magkasiya sa costume, at ma-achieve 'yong body requirement ng character, hindi ako kakain, titira na lang ako sa gym."

"Ginawa mo lahat 'yon?"

She nodded in disdain. "Oo."

His shoulders fell. "Delikado 'yong ginagawa mo."

"I know. Pero for someone na uhaw sa acceptance, and validation and recognition nila, I did what I had to do."

"You're straining yourself. Magkakasakit ka talaga sa ginagawa mo."

"Oo. Naospital na nga ako 'di ba?" Her smile was ironic.

Nicco was lost for words. He was just suddenly stewing and angry at everyone who made her feel undeserving just for her to push herself beyond limits.

But his anger snapped off when he noticed a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Baby . . . " he called. Tumayo siya para hilain ang upuan papunta sa tabi ni Francine.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him when he sat beside her.

"Sabi mo kanina you wouldn't stand between me and my dreams?"

"Oo. Hindi talaga."

"This career is not my dream. Hindi pala ito 'yong gusto ko."

"Ha?" he asked, confused."

"Na-realize ko na this is not everything. It's just a career. Trabaho lang siya. Unconventional man and hindi katulad sa inyo pero kagaya n'yo lang din ako na nagtatrabaho and I realized this isn't everything." Francine rested her chin on his shoulder.

"This isn't the dream I was talking about before," she said in a whisper.

"People treat us differently and I know it comes with the job. I'm still thankful for it pero this isn't everything."

He didn't know what to say next when his mind was still fixated with all the things she did just for them to accept her. He couldn't even begin to imagine how much she endured just for the sake of the spotlight.

He secretly sighed when Francine reached for his cheek just so their eyes would meet.

"Do you want to know what everything is?"

"Hmm?"

"My everything is this dinner. My everything is you and me kanina sa grocery. My everything is when you took care of me before and after my surgery. My everything is waking up in the morning beside you and cooking breakfast for you. S'yempre kasama na rin sila Hale and Idriss and lahat ng friends natin. Sila Mama and Papa and Florence. My everything is my contentment, and happiness, and peace, and you."

His eyes became blurry, but he still saw how she smiled at him.

Francine leaned in to reach his lips for a kiss. "I love you, okay? And I also want to make it right with you this time."

He dipped his head to kiss her again. "Okay. We'll make it right this time."