River O'riley

-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-

"Ah feck.. Better untie me, would ya, baby? I gotta get the door.." I chuckle as she jumps in surprise by the sudden rapping at the front door..

"Shì de." Without hesitation she complies, stretching up with two hands, tugging at the knot.. Once my hand is free, I untie the first knot with ease, jumping to my feet and adjusting my sweats back into place..

Lilly slips into my hockey Jersey, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed.. Impossibly lovely and intricately wired, she smiles at me with a different kind of affection..

Lighter.. Less inflicted and more affected..

God.. She's the sweetest kind of treat to my eyes..

"Don't ye' go anywhere.." I wink and she giggles, falling back against the pillows to snuggle down comfortably.

Grinning to myself like an idiot, I pull the bedroom door half closed behind me and head up the hall..

-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-

"Aye! I hear ya, I'm bloody comin!" I grumble, irritated that my time with Lilly is being interrupted. I flick the lock and pull the front door open, fully expecting to find Nessa looking for her rent-cheque..

"Hey River."

Panic, doubt, betrayal, hurt, rage and bitter disappointment.. I feel them all in one powerful potion that vents violently from my mouth as anger.. "Amberley-- What the fuck are you doin' here?"

With her fake tits and teeth on show she gives me a sickeningly false smile as she tries to step inside.. Her facade falters for a few seconds when I move to block her entry.. "I just came to talk--"

This bitch thinks she can show up on my doorstep when it suits her and that I should fall into line, allow my life to revolve around her and her flakey fuckery.. What kind of pathetic piece of shite does she take me for?

"Oh? Now ye' wanna talk, eh?" I laugh, a bitter horrible sound, even to me.. But she deserves my contempt..

Doesn't she?

Fuck..

Yes.. She does.. I have to remind myself of the things Amberly has done.. Not to me, but to Lovey.. It's one thing to lie to me, to rob me blind and fuck with my emotions..
It's another thing to drink, party and fuck strangers just for some rock to smoke while pregnant..

Cherry was right about Amberley.. She is trash..

Incredibly hot, well toned and tanned trash.. But garbage nonetheless..

Amberley shrugs, attempting an innocent appearance that couldn't be less authentic to my eyes.. "I would have called, but you wouldn't have answered." Loose and beachy bleach blonde waves frame her fine, unreadable face, her expression one of blank practiced nothing..

"Bullshite, you've been the one avoidin' me--" My gaze trails down to the tight black dress she wears that covers next to nothing, before I notice the down a thick yellow envelope that she folds in her hands.. "What is that?"

"Custody papers.." She holds up the envelope but I don't accept it..

I bite defensively, but I don't budge.. "You've got some fuckin' nerve trynna hand that shite to me, Amby.."

"That's what I want to talk to you about, it's important, River.. If you'd stop being such a self-righteous asshole for once and just listen--" She squeezes past, shoving me with her bony shoulder to force her way through the door, freezing in place when she sees Lilly standing at the end of the hall.. Watching everything unfold with wide, worried eyes..

"Oh, real fucking nice, Riv! You're gonna guilt trip me while you're in here screwing your new ho? Who the fuck is she?!" Amberley glares at me through brilliant blue eyes.. Wild..

I know that look.. Dilated pupils, and gritted teeth.. Its the same expression Beckett had been wearing a when I shot him in the face.

She's flying, off her fucking head..

I throw up my hands in disbelief, ignoring her unfounded jealousy.. Seriously, she is the one who left me and now she wants to vilify Lilly, the only person who is actually helping me to provide Lovey with some semblance of normalcy and routine.. Un-fucking-believable..

"That's yer' first fuckin' question? Not a care for yer' daughter? Are ye' fuckin' high rite' now, Amby?"

She grinds her hyper-white teeth.. "Ugh, fuck you! You're such a diligent fucking dick!"

"Aye.. And you're a cracked out cunt." I fold my arms..

"You don't fucking own me, River!"

I shake my head, doubling down on her.. "Wouldn't buy it on sale, Amby."

She crinkles the envelope in her infuriated fists.. "Ugh.. WHATEVER! I didn't come here to fight with you.. I know what you think.. What everyone thinks.."

I have to resist every urge in me not to roll my eyes at her expert self-victimisation.. "O'Aye? Do ye' now? Tell me gypsy woman, whaddya know?" I scoff, sarcastic and doubtful that she has any idea what anybody has ever thought ever.. Because to do that, she'd actually have to think about somebody other than herself.

Not exactly Amberley's strong suit..

"You hate me.." The way she says the words is disjointed, unaffected and indifferent.. As though she doesn't care how I feel about her one way or another..

My pride bites and my ego growls, unable to take the disrespectful disregard for her own actions.. "Ney.. Cus to hate yer', that'd have to mean I ever gave a fuck about ya.. N' I didn't.. When I look at you Amby, I don'ae feel a goddamn thing."

Her harsh expression fluctuates to one of hurt before she turns to Lilly.. "Don't make the same mistake I did.. Falling for his shit.. You have no idea what kind of animal you're sleeping with, sweetie."

"She knows, alrite'." I glance over to Lilly who props herself up with one hand against the wall, not speaking a word..

"Wallflower, dài bǎobǎo dào wòshì?
I ask Lilly to take Lovey into the other room for me and she nods, crossing with quick steps to collect the baby.. Lovey doesn't wake, stirring in her arms as she scurries hurriedly up the hall and into the bedroom..

"You're letting some random ass hooker take care of your kid?" Amberley turns back to me, completely disregarding her daughter.. 'Your kid' she says, with not even a flicker of maternal recognition in her tripped out eyes.. "Does she even speak English?"

"Why should she have to?" I tip my head, baiting her to reconsider her racist bullshit while depriving her the satisfaction of knowing that Lilly understood her intended slight on me just fine.

Amby sniffs in disgust, turning up her nose .. "I was going to be fair about this.. But seeing what kind of life you've set up here.. Maybe I should just report you.. You'd never see either of them again.. Isn't that what you really deserve?"

Now she's gone and done it, taking her taunts a threat too far for my patience, which had really only been tempered smooth by Lilly's presence..

"Careful, Amby.." I stride forward with a dark warning.. "Nobody would think much of it if you were to disappear again.."

Amberley backsteps, her plump plastic lips agape in shock.. "You fucking psycho!"

"If I'm so terrible, you'd best watch the way you talk.." I snarl..

"You don't scare me, you dirty fucking dog!" She straightens her shoulders, telegraphing her fear.. Like blood in the water I can smell it.. Amberley is afraid of me.

I take another prowling step.. "Don't I?"

Something about her is different now.. Weaker..
The capable and commanding domme I'd known, is now shying away from me?
It doesn't make sense.. Something happened to her.. Something has shaken her confidence.

I played a submissive role to her, throughout the entirety of our exchange.. I have never lifted a finger towards her, given her reason to expect physical harm, or even harsh words from me..
My only conclusion is that she wasn't prepared for the switch that exists in me.. The one that was always there, she was just too self-absorbed to see it.. She came here, ready to make me beg her back into my bed, without consideration for the duality of who I am.

Yeah sure, I liked it when Amberley would boss me around and break me down.. Barking her commanding orders at me and making everything easy.. Something about it reminded me of a time when I had clearer directives..
.. But on the opposite side of the same coin, I also enjoyed the company of another cute little Foxxy blonde called Candy, she'd let me tie her up, talk nasty and and take whatever I wanted.. And before them there was Aspen and Bambi, Lola and Crystal, Dominique and-- well, you get the idea.. I could keep going, It's a long list alright.

I mean-- I like a bit of everything I guess.. So Amberley trying to use sex as a weapon against me is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline..

Sure it's hot.. But fucking pointless..

I could get laid any day of the week without having to pay for it. Don't get me wrong, I know that.. If I'm honest, I've always had a way with women.. Call it a gift, whatever, they just like me.. And yet, I chose to sleep with hookers because the detachment is so easy.. Easier on me at least..

The fact that Amberley thinks her pussy is somehow valuable enough to change the fundamentals of who I am is fucking laughable.

The idea that I would want her back, is even wilder..

She makes a retreating stumble away from me.. "FINE, I'll go, I'M GOING! But we're not done--"

"We're fuckin' done alrite'." I take another intimidating step, reaching past her and pulling open the door.. "Get the fuck out."

Amberley shakes her head as she shuffles in her stilettos out into the stairwell.. "Wait! Wait! I imagined all this going differently in my head.. It wasn't supposed to happen this way.. I didn't want this, River.."

I take a step, herding her out.. "Aye, you established that when ye' left."

She stops, placing her long glittery claws in the door frame so I can't shut her out without breaking her fingers..

She obviously knows I won't do that..

I don't want to hurt her.. I wouldn't.. I just don't want to fucking look at her..

"Your soul can't take another sin.. I did it for you." She wobbles in her heels becoming more upset, and a little more genuine..

I scoff at her.. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"If it was anyone but you.. Lovey wouldn't be here.. She's here because of your faith, what you believe in.. Not me.. I'm sorry this isn't what you wanted to hear, River.. But I didn't want her.. I don't want her." Amberley shoves the envelope into my hands.. Turning to leave.. "I just didn't expect you to be as shitty a person as me.. I expected-- better.."

I follow her out.. "Err, this is all my fuckin' fault 'issit now?"

She stops at the bottom of the stairs.. "No.. But it's what you wanted me to do.. What you needed.. Even if you won't admit it.. Because the alternative.. Well-- you know you never could have forgiven me for that.. And even if you don't care about me.. I cared about you, River.. In my own way, I always did.. I never wanted you to hate me.."

The way she twists my faith against me is cruel.. "You don't know what I would've done, because you decided, Amby.. Not me."

She acts as though I forced her decision to have our baby.. As if I would have condemned her for having the abortion she now claims to have wanted..

A convenient story to tell herself, since she didn't even tell me she was pregnant..

I fail to see how I persuaded her to do anything, and any guilt she feels is between her and the good lord.

I will never get to know how I might have handled the situation, because Amberley denied me the opportunity.

She sneers up at me, teeth tight and eyes armoured.. "I know you, River.."

"No you fuckin' don't.." I drop the envelope at the door and stomp down the stairs..

She pouts, a savage snarky smirk.. "Oh sure.. Maybe you're right.. Maybe not.. But I know you think you deserve to suffer.. I know you hurt all the time, so now you need the pain because it's the only thing that gives you a rush.. Does your new Geisha Girl punish you just right, the way I do? Does she make you forget about how you hate yourself?"

Rolling my shoulders back, drawing myself to full height I take another piece of her control and she hates it. "Leave her outta it.. She's not like you-- she's not--"

"What, A SLUT?!" Her sapphire eyes darken to slate..

I was going to say 'not like us'..

Christ almighty.. She's all over the place, jumping to conclusions, attacking me one minute and defensive the next..

I shrug, not giving a fuck either way, I can't allow myself to be sucked into her self-pity.. I have enough of my own.. "I never said that.."

"But that's what I am.. Right? Just a whore?" She folds her hands, niggling about erratically with narcotic fuled energy..

I scrub a hand down my face.. "Amberley, ye' wee eejit, whaddya want me to say?! Yer' literally are a whore!"

"So are you, you dumb-Irish-fuck!" She cuts me down fast, spinning on her heel to stride away..

Well, damn..
The trashy trick isn't wrong..
I am as cheap and easy to buy as her..
A mercenary who deludes himself with disingenuous acts of redemption that really only serve to mask the truth..

That I am more bad than good..

Something I have been forced to to face, with Lovey coming into my life, Amberley leaving and then finding Lilly..

I can't just want to be better.. Or say it..
I have to actually fucking do it.. Even if it hurts..
Even if it makes me feel like shit..

"Fuck.. Amby--Wait." I grunt reluctantly.

"What?" Amberley comes to a stop a few feet away, impatiently tapping her toe..

I force my hackles down and try to reach deep into the cold repressed well within me, searching for some compassion.. "Next week.. We'll make time to talk.. When I'm not so--"

"So pissed off?" She smirks.

I frown, displeased and definitely not ready to make light of it all.. "Aye.. And when yer' not high as fuck."

"I'm not--" She argues though those grinding teeth that give her away..

I wave her off.. "Don't deny it.. Yer' only pissin' me off more.. I really fuckin' tryin' here Amberley, ya gotta meet me halfway."

Her shoulders fall in resentful admission.. "I was nervous about coming here to see you, so I smoked a little--"

There she goes again.. Blaming me for something she has done..
Now I made her light the pipe? It's almost enough to make me change my mind.

"You're a junkie, Amby.. And it's a fuckin' problem.." I state flatly.. "But you're the mother of my daughter.. So, we'll talk, alrite?"

She sighs, giving up her combative attitude, finally seeing this is the best offer she is going to get out of me.. "Really?"

"Yeah.. I'll call you." I nod, already doubting myself, and believing in Amberley even less..

I honestly don't know if we will talk.. But I have to give her the opportunity to explain herself..

Don't I?

She smiles, a little greatful and a lot pleased with herself.. "I really am sorry, River.."

"Aye.. I prob'ly shouldn'ae've called ye' a cunt.." I shrug, conceding to her that wasn't exactly my finest moment..

She laughs.. "Or threatened to kill me.."

"No, I meant that." I grumble dryly, turning to climb back to the top of the stairs, tired and off tempered..

"Dick." She shakes her head, scoffing at my atrocious humor.. "Goodbye, River."

I stop to watch her walk away, striding on long legs down the street towards the train station, ass wriggling with a sexy confident sway.. Zoey was right about one thing.. Amberley looks damn good.. "Fuckin' shite.."