River O'Riley

My apartment is chaotic carnage, Lovey cries relentlessly, Lijuan sings in an attempt to placate her and Nessa rushes around muttering in a sour mood looking for her missing car-keys as she gets ready to leave for work.. All of it gives me a blinding migraine and exacerbates my perpetual state of fatigue..

I strain and hold my breath to compensate for some of the pain in my broken ribs and rearranged gizzards as I turn myself over on the sofa that I have been relegated for the duration of my recovery..

I'm so fucking tired these days, all the goddamn time..

-BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ

When my phone rings on the coffee table I ignore it, closing my eyes and trying to block out the cacophony of sounds that exacerbate my every ache..

Screaming.. Singing.. Complaining.. Ringing..
It's too much.. Too fucking much..

When the phone only stops ringing to start up again I realise there is no point trying to avoid it.. Stretching out my arm I pick up the cell and press it to my ear.. "Aye?"

A sultry, unmistakable inflection greets my ear.. "River, darling! Is now a good time to talk?

I scoff at her suggestion.. "Sure Iris, now is just grand.."

"I know you're on leave so I'll keep things brief.." She chimes.. "There is a job offer that I think would be perfect for you on the way and I'd like you to consider it-"

"Are ye' firing me, mam'?" I sit up slowly, dread sinking in my stomach.. I had broken about a hundred different protocols over the last few months and the consequences couldn't catch up with me at a worse time.. I really can't afford unemployment while I'm laid up like this.. "If this is about the medical compensation, I'd be willing to drop the request.. Please, I- I need my job-"

"No! No, don't be ridiculous.." Iris discounts my concerns with a dismissive chuckle.. "Specter will cover the surgery costs and your recovery time.. River, I'm not letting you go, you're an invaluable member of Bravo.. No, this is about an unorthodox contract that only you can fill- long term.. I can't discuss it in depth just now, but do promise me you will think about it when the details arrive.."

I'll admit she's officially got my interest.. "I'll think about it- but I haven'ae been cleared to return to work for a few more months.. What's the job?"

"All I can say is it is an organisation that desperately needs somebody like you to mediate and implement some long overdue reform.."

....

In The afternoon Lijuan takes Lovey to the park and Nessa disappears to work a late shift at the downtown district hospital.. Now the apartment is silent and I am alone, medicated and hard up..

Goddamn, the quiet is so nice.. But it's also lonely..
So fucking lonely..

I never used to have the problem of feeling alone but the Wallflower's absence can be felt in the form of a constant dull ache in my chest, ever present and worse when there are no distractions around to keep my mind from wandering..

In all the weeks of surgeries, scans and beeping monitos, in between being babysat as if I were an infant myself and sleeping off heavy doses of painkillers, It's been so long since I had a clear enough head or a minute to myself.. Now, with a moment to reflect, to really stop and think, I don't entirely like the self loathing thoughts that begin to manifest in my mind..

What if this is the rest of my existence?
What if I feel this useless and depressed for the rest of my life?

Each time the doctors cut me open they seem to find a new cause for concern and the cycle starts all over again.. I just keep waiting for the day to come when they tell me they can't fix the problem and that I'm stuck this way..

After all, that's how it had been all those years ago after the mountaineering accident, the first time I was taken apart and put back together again, I was never the same..

Fuck..

I don't want to be a miserable old bastard withering away to nothing while my body breaks down for lack of action..

Half bent over I limp from the shower out to the bedroom.. With my hair still dripping wet but unbothered by it I sit on the end of the bed and begin the agonisingly slow process of wrapping my ribcage and fixing fresh bandages to all the scarred places left behind by scalpels..

When it comes to getting dressed, I struggle in a pathetic effort to lean over far enough to get my leg into into my sweatpants, a fucking daily occurrence that I have now become accustomed to..

Just one more surgery to go, they'd said, and then I won't have to suffer the agony of being cut open again.. Then I won't have to live like a fucking invalid anymore.. Honestly, I'm so damaged that it makes me feel worthless and weak.. I groan to myself in frustration when in a fumbled blunder I drop the pants to the floor and can barely bend over to retrieve them..

As I reach down with a strained breath, something silky snakes around my fingers and catches along with the cotton and as I retrieve the sweats, lifting them to my knees entangled with them emerges something else..

Something that doesn't belong to me..

Pastel pink and pretty, the floaty light fabric of one of Frankie's sundresses.. Instinctually and without thinking I lift it to my nose and inhale the sweet scent of her.. Fuck me, it smells so delicious.. Like floral candy.. Of course it's creepy and I feel like a fucking pervert, which only makes the act even hotter and before long my cock is achingly hard..

I'm not proud of myself for what happens next, or for the way my body reacts and my thoughts turn pornographic.. Something unhinged in me takes over, animalistic and driven insane by her absence, it causes me to act like a dirty dog..

I wrap the silky soft fabric around my cock, close it in my fist and start to stroke.. I just want to feel closer to her, to feel better.. Even if it's just for a second..

My head falls back and I close my eyes to see her in my mind, the picture of her perfection imprinted deep into the walls of my memory..

The way I remember her is as a goddess, she is stunningly beautiful and dainty like a doll.. Her little limbs and lithe figure would wrap around me so tight..

Goddamn, she's so fucking hot.. So fucking sweet.. So impossibly lovely..

Everyday is torture without her and I miss her so fucking bad, all I do lately is lay around and punish myself by thinking about her..

I miss those satin strands of cotton candy coloured hair that tickled my chest and shoulders when she'd bounce up and down on top of me, leaning close to whisper both cruel and kind words in my ear..

I miss the contour of her willowy silhouette, the slope of her long neck, the curve of her waist and hips, all coated in a vanilla cream complexion that I could've spent all day licking down to that dark little patch of fur between her thighs..

I miss the squeeze of her softness in my hands, the supple roundness of her petite and perky tits..

I miss her pink lips and the taste of her on my tongue. The perfume of her pussy and that fruity-syrup sweetness drugging, like an intoxicating dose of her..

Losing myself deeper into the reverie I pull and jerk at my dick, growing hungrier and less restrained by the second..
My blood simmers under the surface of my skin and tension tightens my aching balls.. The smooth fabric of her pretty dress makes for various textures, heavenly warm and soothingly cool against my cock as I work it against my skin..

I piston and pump like a machine.. Faster...And harder.. Harder.. And faster..
Closer and closer..

I remember the wonderful way she'd hurt me and I savour the sensation..
I think about the way she'd treat me so tender after every session..
I recount the times when she'd bite and claw at me.. Then kiss me and cuddle me..
When she'd slap me.. When she'd spoil me..
When she'd beat me.. When she'd care for me..
When she'd burn me.. When she'd love on me..

God, yes.. Everything about the woman was miraculous.. I loved everything she had for me and everything she did to me.. I loved her with my whole beating heart, my broken body and my sinister soul..

I fist my cock up and down, savage now, panting and prime, about ready to cum all over her cute little coral coloured dress when I am interrupted by a knock at the front door-

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK

FUCK!