Frankie Xiao

... THE NEW DAWN ...

"It's really great that ye' wanted to get out of the apartment today but--" River grabs a hold of my elbow to stop me outside the rundown hospice that houses his father.. "Frankie-- I-- I really don'ae want ye' to do this.. I don'ae want ye' to hear anythin' he has to say--"

The anxious Tiger pleads with me to reconsider, again and again, but my resolution is sound.

I will know everything..
There are some fears that must be faced and this is one of them.

"I have to see, River.." I state surely.. "For myself.. I have to know."

I become more certain of who I want to be each day, or rather who I don't want to be..
I don't want to be the kind of person who hides forever..
I can't live in fear and guilt alone, not now that I know how much more there is to living..
Not now that I know how it feels to love.. To have love.. And to be in love..

The Tiger sighs, releasing me and tucking his hands into his pockets as he blows out a reluctant breath.. "If I do this-- If I take you in there.. Will you let me talk to your father too? Does that sound fair?"

I narrow my eyes on him suspiciously.. "You tricked me?!"

River chuckles softly.. "Ney, there's no trick.. I'm askin' for permission.. Maybe a compromise?"

"If I say no? What?" I fold my arms..

"I dunno.." He mumbles.. "But this is difficult for me-- yer' have to understand, yer' askin' a lot of me here.."

I shake my head.. "I don't want to go back to a life I don't decide, River."

"You keep sayin' so, Wallflower, but Fei is your Da', you can'nae mean that.. I know you miss him.."

"I know what I mean when I talk.. I'm not stupid!" I poke him in the chest and he grabs my finger, bringing it to his lips to kiss it softly..

"I know that.. Believe me, baby.. I know. Ye' speak two languages and read more books in a week than I make it through in a year.. You're so smart it scares me.. Cus I know there's still all these secrets in ye' head.. If ye' really trust me to be your slave, then ye' should know I'd do anythin' for ya.. That my intentions are to make you happy.. I only wanna talk to him, baby.. Tell him that ye' alive.. That ye' safe.. If ye' still wanna stay with me after hearin' what he has to say, then.."

He trails off to nothing.. Like he doesn't believe I will choose to stay with him..

"Then what?"

He takes my face in his warm hands and I melt.. "I can'ae say no to you, Wallflower.. Whatever you tell me to do is what I'll do."
I chew on my lip and he sighs.. "Ye've been upset with me ever since we left Lovey.. What did I do, Lilly?"

"Cherry said you have been around the block." I push at his chest for some distance because I can't breathe his scent and think straight at the same time..

He winces.. "Did she now?"

I take a step back to examine his guilty expression.. "I think she was saying you have sex with a lot of women. Women who aren't me."

He glances around the parking lot, taking a small step back.. "Had.. Past tense.. I told you I'd be faithful, I have been yours since the night we met, Frankie."

"That is what I said.." I chew on my fingertips, worried that it was rude of me to say something so bold to his friend.. "That you are mine."

He smirks in pleased disbelief.. "Princess! You did?!"

I giggle.. "Why are you so surprised?"

He shrugs a sheepish shoulder and his cheeks flush with a quiet kind of embarrassment.. The sweet, strawberry hue looks so gorgeous on him.. I like to make him blush.. "I dunno.. I thought maybe you wouldn't want people knowin'.. Maybe you'd be ashamed of me.."

Its unimaginable to me that I would ever feel that way about my Tiger.. No matter his faults or past mistakes.. He deserves kindness and forgiveness.. He is not bad, no matter what bad things he might do.. They don't change what is in his beating heart.. "Never.. River, because of you, I am not ashamed of anything.. That's why I don't want to go home.. Don't you understand?"

"I do.. I really fuckin' do baby.."
He sweeps my bangs aside with rumbling purr, leaning down to give me a gentle kiss that kills my doubts and fears.. Slow and adoring, his tongue tickles mine as he holds me close to his powerful chest..

My hands grasp at his inky arms for support.. "Say you love me, River.."

His grip on my waist tightens and my breath is squeezed out.. "I--uh.. You're not s'poze to do that.."

I peer up at him with a pained whimper.. "Why?"

The Tiger winces.. "Lilly-- I've never said them words before.. They're sacred.."

I shake my head, denying his claim.. "Yes you did say them.. Last night.. You said them to me."

"That's-- I did?" He let's go of me, stumbling back to run a hand through his hair, confused..

"You don't love me?" I wrap my arms around myself..

"If I say it because you tell me to, how will ye' know that I mean it?" He reaches up to brush his thumb over my cheek.. "You can't demand love... It doesn'ae work that way, baby.. It's gotta be given freely.. Let's--uh-- go inside.. Get this over with.."

.....

The gnarled old man hunched in his grotty little lounge chair glares across the room at us as we enter.. River closes the door to the ratty bedroom and moves to stand before him with his arms folded and his teeth clenched.. "Aye, Da.. You alrite, then?"

I hide behind The Tiger, seeing the hatred in Ronan's cold stare and knowing it deep in the place where I keep my fears..

One of his eyes is a milky void of cataracts.. and behind the other there is nothing but a vacant, vile stare.. Cold, empty and green like glass.. His gaze is malicious and so steeped in hate I can feel it..

His horrible face and throat are covered in scars, from his forehead to the collar of his stained shirt and he is missing three fingers from each of his hands..

He doesn't look like a well man.. Not at all..

"Me' mongel son has come back for another pound of flesh.. Take it ye' weak wean bastard. Still won't make ye' into a man.. Ye' the son of a hoor an'll never be nothin' moor." Ronan sneers through a toothless dribbling mouth..

River looks at me dispondantly and shrugs.. "This is him.. Happy?"

"Yeh'll still be a good'fer'nothin when I'm gone an' god knows all what ye' done, boyo.." Ronan wheezes from beneath his long wispy, white hair, sucking air through a tube fitted to a blue oxygen tank on the floor beside him.. "Ye' soft-cock cowardly shite, kill me already!"

I take a careful step closer to the old man and then another, his hatred turning on me.. "Who's this then? Ye got ye'self a filthy wee Oriental hoor, huh, son?" He coughs at me.. "Bet her pussy is tight-- Asian pussy always is.. Ye' know what they say 'bout Chinese but, it nev'r satisfies, an' hour lat'r ye'll be wanton' more!"

River growls.. "Houl yer whisht, aul man, or I'll cut out ye' tongue."

Ronan splutters with a sick smile.. "Hmm.. Yer' first fuck was an Oriental hoor-- waddnt she son? Ye' rememb'r what I told ye' that day, boy?"

Rivers' face scrunches in disgust, taking an angry prowling step forward.. "I told ye' to shut yer' mouth."

"Still didn't make ye' into a man, did she?! I didn'ae get me' moneys worth outta the bitch! Ye' a bastūn-- a spineless whip.. Isla shoulda swallowed ye', son."

"You will stop talking now!" I step in front of The Tiger, outraged and sickened by Ronan and his foul mouthful of disrespect..

The old man sneers at me mockingly, bringing a finger to his lips and pretending to sew it shut while River puts a protective hand on my shoulder, wrapping my skin in warmth.. "Frankie, don't--"

I turn to take his hand and kiss it softly, to show him my empathy.. "Will he hurt me?"

He looks over the top of my head at his father behind me, his narrow stare assessing everything.. "He's sick.. But he's still dangerous."

I let go of River's hand and smile.. "Then I will be careful."

The Tiger takes a following step after me as I move to circle around behind Ronan's armchair..

Leaning down to the old man's ear, I whisper the truth I know in him..

He is nothing more than a coward who uses his son's strength to make himself feel big..
But I can see he is as weak and worthless now as he ever was..

I recite to Ronan a prophecy in three parts that I will see come to fruition.. "May you live in this time of change.. For now.." I hear his breath stutter as I breathe the first curse into his wrinkled ear.. "May you be seen by people in high places." I rasp cruelly.. "May you find what you're looking for, Ronan and may the Dragon deliver it to you himself.."

As I step back, Ronan gapes at me in shock, terrified by what I'd told him..
If he is at all superstitious as River seems to be, then the old beast will understand my meaning.. And if he doesn't know who the Dragon is, he will know soon enough..

I have heard these curse uttered many times over.. My father would threaten his Triads with them.. Li Jun would use them on me..

On the surface it might even seem kind to some.. Untill you think about it and realise the ominous undertones..

Ronan begins to cough and cry, gasping through thick blubbering tears that on any other would cause me to feel pity, but he is not anybody else.. He is a villian.. Pure evil.. Just like Master Li.. "No.. No, no.. Lies! Ye' lyin' hoor! Don'nae put ye' filthy gypsy hexes on me!"

"Bullshite!" River wraps an arm around my shoulders to pull me away.. "What in the name o'the holy ghost did ye' say to him?"

"I told him I have decided." I blink at River innocently as he takes me by the shoulders..

"Decided what?"

"His fate." I look down at the disgusting shell of a man.. Feeling nothing for him..

Understanding now why River had to kill Li Jun.. Because of this feeling..
It is deeper than hatred and darker than destruction.. Ronan had hurt the person I love the most in this world.. And I despise him from deep in the blackest parts of myself..

I want him to die..
Slowly.. Painfully.. And filled with all the regrets he has passed onto his son..

I want River to stop punishing himself for things he had no control over and not to suffer his father's cruelty anymore..

River looks back at Ronan who is shaking with tears, weeping with sorrow.. "What is his fate?"

I shrug.. "Disgrace.."

"What does that mean? What exactly did you tell him, Frankie?" He squeezes me tight, as if trying to compress the answers from me..

I smile, hiding from him the ache in my heart.. He is so much goodness, he has given me so much and still he doesn't believe it.. Because of this horrid monster who sucks his oxygen through tubes.. "I cursed him, River.. This is what you wanted-- Isn't it? I made him afraid.. I made him hurt.."

River watches his father cry, stunned stupid, almost speechless.. His expression is somewhere between satisfied and confused as he mutters.. "Aye.. This is-- what I wanted."