River O'riley

.. one week later ..
.. THE NIGHT OF THE FULL MOON. .

"Hey, it's Amby! Leave a message, maybe I'll call you back!" Amberley's stupid voicemail recording chirps in my ear for the tenth time today and my blood runs hot with irritation at the repetitive loop I've been stuck in..

I call.. She doesn't answer..
So much for talking..

"Lyin' bitch." I grumble to myself, tucking my phone away as I reach the entry to the club..

The last week has been nothing but chaos, between moving Lilly and Lovey to the Central-Quay safehouse, scouring the Chinatown streets for information and trying to fulfil my Specter contracts, I'm worn..

Fucking exhausted.. I'm not a young man anymore.. I'm thirty fucking seven and I feel about fifty.
My body doesn't work like it used to, before the accident.. Nothing feels right, it's all stitched back together, but everything is out of place..

The constant drone of the pain makes me into an irritable asshole on the best of days and on my worst, dragging myself out of bed is only becoming increasingly difficult..

The prescription drugs make me too dumb to take and at a certain point don't even work anymore..

Nah.. The only thing that makes me feel any better is the sweet smile on my little girl's face..
Or when Lilly does that thing she does, with the magic in her fingers..

Fuck, I love that thing she does..

Except I can never actually ask her to do it..
I don't deserve to feel better, or to use her hands to do so..

So instead, I suffer..
I let my scars burn and my muscles ache and I live with it..
Because I am lucky..
Lucky to be alive to feel anything at all..
Unlike Qing Shan's mother.

The bouncer, JJ, a big smiley bear, built like a Kiwi rugby player grins at me as he pulls open the door.. "Ey, River, my man! Long time no see, where you been, bru?"

I give him a friendly salute.. "Everywhere and nowhere, Jay! Cherry in tonight?"

He nods, giving me suspicious eyes.. "Yuh, she's working room 6.."

I stop, turning back to grin at him.. "What about The Wolf?"

He puzzles, looking at me as though I've lost my mind.. "Uh-- I ain't seen him.. You looking for trouble or something?"

"No trouble! I'm feelin' lucky tonight, JJ!" The thud of a heavy bassline thumps through my wounded chest as I step into the club.. The place smells like a hundred different types of perfume, some sweet, some floral, some fruity.. The floor is scattered with scantily clad women shimmying around and half drunk soldiers spending their paychecks to see it..

"Hey Riv! What can I get you babe?" The hippy sweetheart who calls herself 'Juniper' smiles at me from the other side of the bar, where I put in my drink order and make a request for a private room.. Room 6..

Once settled inside a den that looks like satan's red-leathery insides, I only have to wait a couple of minutes before the doorknob jiggles..

"Heya big b--" Cherry wanders in, wearing less than something and a little more than nothing.. Candy red strappy silk is wrapped around her succulent curves, covering her sexiest secrets.. The glittery soft skin of her bare belly a hard sight to avoid.. "--River?! What the fuck dude?!"

She's a fox.. There's no two ways about it..

But she's also something more to me.. A friend.. A sister..
Cherry gets me..
And I need to talk to somebody who understands..

She folds her arms, her expression turning pissy as she spies me sitting on the sofa.. Ambushing her in the middle of her shift.. "I'm NOT givin' you a lap dance!"

I hold up my hands, feigning innocence as I smirk back at her.. "Aye? But you're so obviously in love with me, Cherry!"

She takes one look at my face and knows that I am joking, a smile cracks her scowl and she drops her arms, kicking off her platform shoes to sink down on the sofa beside me.. She takes a cushion and tucks it over her lap.. "You're jus' lucky I really do love ya, you dirty Irish dog! I could have you put down."

"Awh, I appreciate ya lettin' me live, Ash.." I shrug out of my jacket, handing it to her and she wraps it around her shoulders..

"Thanks.." She smiles, crossing one knee over the other.. "So.. What's up? I thought you weren't comin' back here anymore?"

All week I've been attempting to do exactly as Lilly had suggested to me..
Yǐdébàoyuàn.. That is what she'd told me to do..
To return good for evil.. Return kindness is for injury..

Amberley hurt me, but that doesn't mean I should do the same to her..
That is what Lilly had meant.. And she is right.

That means no more vices, no more bad habits.. I'm going to change..
I have to..

I rub my palms together, unsure that what I am about to ask isn't too much.. The last thing I want is to upset her.. But just in case I do, I thought it would be better if I did it here, in private.. I won't expose her secrets should she decide to keep them.. "I'm not really here, I just wanted to talk to you about somethin' and-- Look, I dunno if all this is gonna cause stress that you don't need-- if it's too much you only gotta say so, but--"

"Jeezuz, River! Just spit it out already!" She groans playfully..

Spit it out I do.. "If somethin' were to happen to me, Cherry.. Would you take care of Lovey? Be her guardians.. You and Killian."

After Ambey had given me those custody papers I realised I was out of my depth, the crushing responsibility of becoming a single parent, so officially, well it freaked me out.. So much so that the next day I contacted an attorney to get some clarity on what it would all mean.. When he started asking me questions about my will and estate, forcing me to contemplate a whole bunch of shit I'd been avoiding..

Like, what happens to Lovey if I die?

Cherry gapes at me, blindsided by the sharp left turn of our conversation.. "Me? What about Patrick?"

I shake off her suggestion, sipping at my whiskey.. Patrick is a good man, I know that.. He'd done more for me than he should have and I'll always owe him for the opportunity to find a new life.. But apart from the shared blood, I really don't know the guy.. And we are related through father's both of us would rather forget..

Cherry is the family I choose.. Her and Killian both.. "Ahh, he's already got two kids and god only knows how many more he's plannin'.. Aisling, you're my best friend.."

"Awwe, I am?" She smiles knowingly, still enjoying hearing me say the words out loud..

Like I said, ladies like me.. I might not be a good man, but I think I am an emotionally honest one and somehow that translates to an affinity with women..
And they are undeniably the fairer sex..
They're smarter..They're tougher.. And they work twice as hard for just about everything..

I laugh.. "Unbelievably enough, Aye.. I wouldn't have gotten through these last six months without you, you were there for me like no one else, you taught me the difference between burpin' a baby and shakin' it.. And I just know you'll be a great mom.. There's no one else I'd trust with this.."

A sudden expression of terror widens her sapphire blue eyes and she clutches her chest dramatically.. "Oh my god.. River, are you dying?!"

"From the day I was born.." I grin and Cherry rolls her eyes.. "Ney, I'm not dyin'.. Just trynna get my shite in order.."

She breathes a relieved breath.. "River, if heavens forbid anythin' were to happen, Killan and I would welcome Lovey into our home, you know we would.. I'm gonna cry!"

"Gross, don't." I make a face to ease the heaviness and she chuckles, a lighthearted song..

"You're my best friend too, Riv.. Jus' so you know.." She smiles at me, sincere and kind.. Cherry really is like the little sister I never had..

"O'Aye, I know." I wink at her.. "Nobody else in this country will ever get ya like I do, Lassie.. Half of 'em dun'even'no what yer' sayin'.."

She laughs.. "Well that's not fair-- Patrick--"

"Ah, he's a Cat.." I snort.. "Summit' wrong with his head.."

Cherry giggles.. "That's true, they make 'em strange as shite down in Kilkenny.." She chews her thumb nervously for a moment before glancing my way.. "Hey--um.. About the other day, when I yelled at you.."

"It's really alrite'.." I shake my head, not wanting to hear another word of apology from her mouth, trying to make a joke instead.. "I kinda liked it anyway."

"Shut up!" Cherry chuckles.. "It's really not alrite.." She persists.. "It was rude and insensitive.. And I should know better.. I guess I have some things left over from my own messed up mother.. I shouldn't have made such a harsh judgement about Amberley.. And I hope you don't think anything I said reflects on you.. You're a great dad.."

I understand why it triggered her anger, hell, Amberley had set me off the second she showed up at my door, trying to give me those fucking custody papers.. The ones that relinquish all rights to her daughter.. The ones I still haven't signed..

Leaning back I reach up to rub at the twinging tension in my shoulder.. "It's not that I'm not pissed at her, Cherry.. I am.. I just--"

"You don't hate her." She finishes for me..

I scoff, wishing I could hate Amberley because that would be a hell of a lot easier than how it is I really feel.. "O'course I don't.. I can't.. Cherry, I don't wanna be that guy.. I don't wanna be the bastard me da' was.. I want a better life for my daughter than what I had.."

Cherry gives me stern eyes, leaning forward to put her hand on my knee in comfort.. "You're nothin' like him, River.. You're so much better, and that is the best kind of revenge.."

I want to believe her.. I try..
But I don't know that a life well lived is enough when it comes to penance.. Ronan still has to pay for what he did to my mother.. For what he did to me.

"I said some shite--" I admit quietly, ashamed now of my memory of that day.. The things I had said to Amberley.. None of it felt right..

"What kind of shite?" Cherry prods me curiously..

I drain the remainder of my drink before uttering a reluctant response.. "It was'nae too friendly.. And I maybe kinda threatened her.. I was only half serious, but-- it left a bad taste."

"Wait-- you guys talked?" Cherry gasps, living for the drama that is my life..

"Aye.. An I thought it went alrite' in the end.. But she was tweakin' so who knows.. Now she's ducking my calls again.."

She frowns, fiddling with the ends of her ruby red curls.. "Melody said the same thing.. Seemed really annoyed about it too.. Amby missed her shift yesterday.."

Something uncomfortable worms away inside me.. "So nobody's seen her? Since when?"

Cherry shrugs.. "I dunno, a few days maybe? But Riv, it's not your responsibility to run around trying to clean her up, or you'll burn ye'self out entirely.. At some point, you have to prioritise ye'self.. Otherwise, how are you supposed to take care of Lovey?"

I lean back, considering her perspective.. "Aye.. Yer' rite'.. She just seemed like she wanted to talk.. To tell me something.. Now I'm thinkin' I shoulda let her.. Instead of bein' a prick.."

She shakes her head.. "Fine, then if she means so much to you, go chase her.. Better yet, why not get addicted yourself?! Get murdered by a cartel while you're at it, see if I care!"

I know she is fucking with me for levity, and I see her point.. Still, I don't entirely like it..

I'm not addicted to anything.. Least of all Amberley..

But women..
Maybe?
Maybe I use them to feel better..
Maybe that's why I feel obligated to pay?
Shite.. I dunno.. Don't wanna know..
Don't wanna think about it..

I chuckle, trying to fake unphased while the uncomfortable thoughts haze me.. "You're just sayin' that to get me outta the picture."

Cherry laughs.. "Anything to get my hands on that gorgeous baby!"

Too quickly, the smile falters on her face and the opportunity to escape from my own head is a welcome relief..

"Hey? You okay, Ash?" I reach across to poke her in the knee..

She sniffs, blinking a little too hard and fast.. "I'm.. I'm starting to think this is it for me, River.. Like I'll never really be happy-- or like complete?.. I know it's selfish but I'm just so angry.. Why me? You know? I don't even know what I want anymore.. I should just count the blessings and stop my stupid obsessing.." She swipes at the corner of her eye with a careful finger, unimpressed with herself.. "Oh, god and now I'm fuckin' rhyming?! Seriously, these hormones are makin' me crazy.."

The injustice of our opposite realities isn't lost on me.. I know how unfair it is that Amberley and I could mistakenly do what she has been so painstakingly paying for with no success..

"I dunno about stupid.. Or selfish.. Maybe it just feels that way cus you're doin' it alone.. Crazy-- on the other hand, Aye! Whaddya doin' cuttin' Killian out? You know he wants to go to those appointments with you--"

She clicks her tongue to dismiss the argument.. "And have him hear over and over again all about how this is all my fault? Yeah.. No thanks.. It's bad enough that I can'ae give him everythin' he should have.. I jus' don't wanna be a burden.."

"You think you're a burden to him?"

She shrugs.. "I'm a lot o'things, River.. Sometimes.. I still don't even know how I got him.. You know? Like, I look at him and I just think-- holy shite, this man is so out of my league.. Like compared to him, what even am I?" She chuckles embarrassedly, casting her eyes downward to the floor..

If I didn't know where Cherry had come from, I'd probably never be able to understand how she could ever get such a backwards idea in her brain..

But I do know.. I know her..

I know the places she comes from bare a striking resemblance to the places I came from.. And in the most unlikely of ways, that's what makes us friends..

"Cherry, that sounds like the sub-drop talkin'.. You're the only thing the wolf cares about.. You make him what he is, without you, he's just a powerless lonely man, same as the rest of us.. And yer' halfway mad if you think he sees you as a burden.."

She sighs.. "Sometimes I just feel like a project.. Ya know? Like he thinks he has to fix me.."

She's so easy to read, the most open of books, Cherry wears everything she feels in her expressive ocean-blue eyes.. "Fix you? Have you told him that? Cus from where I'm sittin' Cherry, it seems like he just wants to go with you to a fuckin' doctors appointment.. Wouldn't you? If it were the other way around.. Don't be so daft, Lass.. You're better than that.. It feels like that 'cause you let it.. 'Cause you can't trust in a good thing not to go away.. Cus you don't think you deserve to be loved the way he loves you.. Which is disgustin', by the way.." I pretend to gag on her marital bliss.. "Ugh.. Makes me sick.."

She grins, relaxing back against the sofa with a humming chuckle.. "Okay I see your point.. Seriously, how can you do that?"

"Do what?" I shrug..

"Be so fatherly and wise, like.. You give me such frustratingly good advice, yet I still have to watch ye' applying none of it to ye'self?" She smirks, pleased with herself to have turned the conversation back to me..

"Ah, piss off.. You're just jealous cus I still get to act the maggot and fuck about." I tease..

She laughs.. "Less jealous, more bored.. It's time to grow up baby-boy.. You know I'm right."

I nod, lifting a hand to swear an invisible oath.. "Aye, I know.. And I am.. That's what all this is about.."

"Not to be a nosy-nelly, but, what brought on all this sudden newfound maturity?" She looks me up and down with a suspicious, squinted stare..

I chew on my tongue, unsure how to explain myself.. Sure, some of it makes sense.. But most of it doesn't, not to me.. Because despite having one of the most terrible weeks of my life and working like a dog, there is one reason it's also been the best.. "I kinda-- met someone.."

Cherry freezes, mid inspection of her immaculate reflection in the mirrored wall opposite her.. "Uhm, s'cuse me bitch?! Who?!"

I shake my head.. "Just a girl.. A nice one.. Way too nice for me.."

Cherry grins at me like an idiot.. "Oh my god, River, you're totally blushing.. You actually like-like this lassy! I never thought I'd see the day.. Tell me everything?!"

"Wind ya neck in will ya? We're not doin' that.." I glare back at her mockingly.. Not about to sip cocktails and gossip like I'm one of her girlfriends..

Cherry holds up her hands.. "Alrite', alrite'.. But if you ask me, River, there's no such thing as 'too nice' for you.. You're fuckin' great.. No, you're a fuckin' hero!"

I screw up my face at the word.. "Ugh.. Don't start ye' wee devil.."

She rolls her eyes.. "Yeah, Killian hates it when I say that.. But it's important, Riv.. They don't give medals to strippers.. I mean, they fuckin' should.. But they don't.. They give them to heroes.."

"Yeah, they'll pin a medal on ya right before they toss ya in the trash.. Pfft, you can have 'em.." I shrug.. "It's not who I am anymore.. I dunno if it ever really was.."

"Okay, so you wanna be a new and improved man? Then, do somethin' about it, River.. Tell this girl how you feel.. Don't let Amberley control you and don't come back to the fucking club again.. I don't wanna see you here no more, got it?"

I nod, with nothing to say.. There might not be such a thing as 'too nice', but there's such a thing as too much exposure, and right now, I'm at my max.. Feeling like I've been sliced up by Cherry's straightforward honesty.. "Okay.."

"Good.. I'm glad to hear it.." She shuffles forward, reaching down to pick her shoes from the floor and return them to her feet.. "I better get back to work before Mel comes in here to give me a lashing--"

I rise alongside her and in her towering high heels, she almost stands eye to eye with me.. I honestly don't understand the physics of how women manage to stay upright in those things, it's impressive.. "Wait.. Uh.. I was meaning to ask you.. There was a girl, Chinese-- she had a rose tattoo on her neck-- worked here a while back.. I think her name was--"

"Lucy?" Cherry untwists one of her silky straps, checking her scanty outfit is in its place..

I click my fingers.. "Aye, Lucy, that was it.. Where did she go?"

Cherry sighs, turning to tuck the cushions back into place, straightening them with care and an attention to detail that literally nobody will appreciate.. "Last I heard she was working over at The Factory.. Poor girl.. She never really seemed to find her step here, you know? She was kind of a lonely soul.."

A lonely soul.. Those words remind me of someone else.. "Did she ever say anythin' to you? About where she came from or the like?"

Cherry stops to think, tapping her red painted fingernails against her matching lips.. "Just that she was part of some 'private collection'.. I don't know, she didn't speak a lot and it was difficult to understand when she did.. She was so quiet.. I kind of assumed she was a harem-girl of some sort.. Why?"

The words 'Private Collection' stick in my head, creating more questions..

Is it possible there are more women like Lilly?

Has Li Jun been collecting girls, keeping them like dolls for decades?

How did Lucy escape and why would she return to The Factory?

"No reason, I uh-- she was fine, is all.. I was hopin' she'd come back.." I lie, having no interest in dragging Cherry into a Triad shit-storm...

"River! Christ, what did we just talk about?!" Cherry rolls her eyes at me one last time, just for good measure..

I shrug.. "I'm a dude."

She wriggles out of my jacket and hands it back to me, putting on her game face as she prepares to return to the club floor.. "You're a dude who needs Jesus."

I chuckle, following her to the door.. "He can't save me."