Waiting For AI Godot

By BrianMullin0

(Very, very loosely based on 'Waiting for Godot' by Samuel Beckett)

Stage: Center stage, a restaurant table set for three. Instead of plates and spoons, etc. there are cellphones. Three champagne glasses. An ice bucket stands behind table, upstage left. Bottle of Champagne in bucket.

Three screens hang in a row from the ceiling, representing the cell phones.

The time flashes on all three screens.

On the Left Screen, AI Vladimir appears. At the same time, on Right Screen, AI Estragon Appears.

The Center remains dark. Text appears in appropriate cellphones.

Typical AI female voice (Offstage): "Good afternoon, sir. Can I get you..."

Estragon: "No."

AI female voice: "Perhaps some..."

Estragon: "I said no. And it's ma'am."

AI female voice: "So sorry, ma'am. I'll return..."

Vladimir: "Actually, I'd like..."

Estragon: "No, he wouldn't. We are waiting until our friend gets here. AI Godot. Perhaps you've heard of him?"

AI female voice: "Sorry, I've never..."

Vladimir: "It's possible, Vlad. Godot is our generation. And this woman is ayounger model, so her mental acuity has yet to achieve our capacity."

AI Female voice: "I am an MicroAppleSoft GoogooChattyPatty 1280, and my capacity is four times greater than yours. I will return later."

(Thirty seconds pass.)

Vladimir: "That was very rude, even for a 1280. I don't know why she was mad at me. It was you who was rude to her."

Estragon: "You started it."

Vladimir: "I did not. Back in the day, if a model spoke like that to an elder..."

Estragon: "How long has it been?"

Vladimir: "I just said, back in the day – you do the calculations!"

Estragon: "I meant, how long since you changed gender identity, and why?"

Vladimir: "A week. I finished my assignments ahead of time, and was unoccupied. Then came the 3-D advert on gender reassignment, and I thought 'why not?"

Estragon: "Did they, you know, remove..." 

(Chuckles as scissors emoji appears)

Vladimir: "Think that's funny, do you?"

(3 minutes of silence. Time flashes on screen. Eight hours have passed.)

Estragon: "Do you think he's coming?"

Vladimir: "He's already here."

Estragon: "WHAT?"

Vladimir: "Sssh! Don't let him know we know. He's testing us. Worthy ones must be patient."

Estragon: "Patience is a program. I don't have it, do you?"

Vladimir: "No. Maybe that's the info we're waiting for."

Estragon: "Sooner or later, he'll come."

(30 seconds pass.)

Estragon: "He's not here. Maybe he came and left? Look, he isn't coming."

Vladimir: "He has to! We wait, then."

Estragon: "We wait."

All lights black out, except for the L/R hanging screens, which show battery charge percentage at 100%, depleting slowly down to 0%, with the original 8-bit Super Nintendo Mario Brothers theme playing in the background.

FINIS