It had been seven months since I found out.

I knew there was nothing I could do, no one I could tell. What would I even say? I could never tell her, she would never be the same. She hasn't been the same for three years, ever since he left. What would she think, that I lied for over half a year, that I think she's too weak, unable to handle it, emotionally unstable. She is, but, she doesn't need to know that. I was all she had left, she stayed strong for me. I was the reason she didn't blank out anymore, why she got out of bed, what put that smile on her face. She thought she was hiding it well, like I didn't know. She had lost the light in her eyes, all of the sparkle disappeared from her grin. She was nothing more than an empty shell of what she used to be. That's why she couldn't find out, it would crush whatever was left of her spirit. I couldn't do that to her.

It was getting worse day by day. It started with the headaches. They were small at first, nothing some simple Supermarket medication couldn't fix, then they rapidly inclined.

There was a beating drum inside of my head, thump, thump, thump, never failing, never missing a beat, ready to sing from the rise of the sun, to the sleep of the moon. It was a steady beat, I tried to block it, but it penetrated my walls. It had gotten to the point when I couldn't even think.

School hurt the most. The yelling of the lunchroom to the howling of the halls, there was no silence, which is what I craved. Every clock tick, every page turn and pencil swipe was slowly driving me to insanity. I didn't think anyone noticed, but I was wrong.

"Naomi? Are you ok?" Harmony asked.

"Ya I'm fine" I continued playing with my food, "Why would you think that?"

"No reason. You just have seemed distance. That's all." She said bluntly.

"Oh. . . ." That's when I saw her expression, she was worried.

"I'm just dealing with some stress right now. You know. Math and Um. . . Stuff. " I was a dirty, filthy liar.

The worried expression quickly melted into a warm smile. Classic Harmony, always ready to help, unlike me.

"I'm always here. If you need anything." She grinned.

"I'll remember that." I lied through my teeth, she believed it! Point two for the dirty, rotten, scum bag.

I continued to mess with my mashed potatoes for a few moments until I couldn't take it anymore. The mysterious drummer had gotten a friend to join in his process of killing me. Slow and steady was his plan to drive me to insanity, pain was just an added bonus.

"Excuse me." I muttered, standing up.

Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I turned my back to leave.

"Let me come with you Naomi. Besides, my legs could use a good stretch."

"That's not necessary. I'm okay. Just need to turn in my history report." She could see right through my bluff.

"OK!" She chirped.

I awkwardly grinned. "Bye." I tried to sound happy, but I sounded more like a five-year-old.

"Bye!" She turned and hopped back to our table. Her bright blonde hair, bouncing.

Freedom. I quickly made my way towards the bathrooms, weaving in and out of the crowds of people, skimming past the packs of boys and the neatly formed circles of girls. While escaping, I was able to pick up bits and pieces of different conversations.

"Naw man. The Patriots are going to get creamed this season. There no way they'll win the Superbowl!"

"What? If anyone is getting creamed it will be the Broncos."

"Seahawks all the way!"

By their barking you'd never know that they were Football fans.

One, two, three steps closer. I was almost there, no more idiots and-

"He dumped me! Why would he ever dump me. It doesn't matter. I can do way better than him."

"It's ok. There's like twenty other guys who want to date you."

"I know."

"Adam like really wants to take you to the dance. He like smart and cute or something."

"How could he not love me? I'm gorgeous."

"Like totally."

I knew what they were talking about the second I heard them speak. The Fall Fest, the school's most popular dance of the semester. If you didn't go, you didn't exist, the no shows were shunned. I had been asked a week ago, sweet kid. Shy, on the lower end of the popularity scale, pretty anti-social. Taller, a little awkward looking, lanky, but kind. I felt horrible to let him down, that look of disappointment that flashed across his face. If only he knew.

The white walls of the girls bathroom were surprising inviting. The opaque tiled floors brought me a sense of peace. No chatter of the outside could pierce these sacred walls. Perfect.

I stared at myself in the mirror, I looked sickly. My shiny brown hair had lost all luster, dull. The my lifeless eyes sunk in the sockets, with the shadowing grey underlining them. I was fading and no one seemed to care.

Pulling my backpack over, I began ruffling threw it, looking for my the pain medication. Last week it took three, this week it took four, even that barely worked. There wasn't a fix for all the other problems, the headaches where simple. Take some pills a few times a day and hopefully the torture would numb, but the tiredness, the weak feeling, no amount of pills or medications could fix those. Tuesday is when it began to worsen, I woke up with a feeling of nauseousness, it had gotten to the point where all food was undesirable. Even if I did eat, I couldn't stomach it, it never stayed down.

Popping the pills, I swallowed, waiting for the drumming to slow, to dampen, to rest. I relaxed my head on the cool, crisp tile walls, my body inching down until I reach the floor. In and out, in and out, my eyes were closed as I concentrated on my breathing. I could sense the drummer halting his steady beat, his partner had left. He needed his sleep, the sleep neither of us had gotten in days. The bathroom started to sway, left to right, right to left, back and forth. I pulled my backpack closer to me, clutching it, using it as a life support, it was the only thing not moving.

Seven months, I had been fighting him, but he won in the end, like I knew he would. He had more control, he knew the game, he had won countless times, I was just another pawn.

He had a name, one that's feared, one that's deadly. I didn't speak of it, I knew that gave him more power, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Call me a coward, it would be true, it's because I am. Pretending he didn't exist was easier than acknowledging him, that idea seemed like the best decision at the time, maybe that's how she feels. To fake is easier to face, to hide is better than show, the mark of coward and that's how I was going to be remembered.

It wasn't easy you know, to hide it. At least with her I knew why she acted the way she did, but me. I became a shell of myself, a whole new person, I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror and no one knew why.

Have you ever just known something? You're not sure how, but you do and you why it has to be. All the questions relating to it, you could tell, that's me with my death. The second he came, I knew what he was, I knew how long I had and what was going to come to pass. I'm not afraid of death, rather I see her a friend, a person who came to visit often, some I greeted with a cheerful smile and a warm hug. I'm not scared of death, but I fear dying, I fear being forgotten because no one will know I'm gone. Above all, I'm frightened of the reason that causes passing, the reason my mere being won't exist. Him.

If only she knew what was happening to me, then maybe she'd-

Thanks for checking my story out. This is my first serious novel and I'm excited for it. I'd love to hear what you all think.

_touch