7 | the woes of youthfulness

Màu nền
Font chữ
Font size
Chiều cao dòng

"What is the meaning of this?"

Adrien and Marinette stood frozen in place, the duo covered in arrays of colored paint, as the king scrutinized them from head to toe. A few of the artists lingered behind the king with their expressions apologetic. Apparently, they hadn't been able to stop the king from entering, and it probably didn't help that the prince and the princess had been laughing to the point where their voices probably echoed off of every palace wall.

All the color in Adrien's face drained in a matter of seconds... as did his happiness. Of course, Adrien shouldn't have expected this rush of happiness to last. When did anything good ever last for him?

Adrien quickly sprang away from Marinette and straightened his stance. He crossed his arms behind his back. "Father, I can explain—"

"Is this how I raised you?" The king interrupted with so much as a scoff. "To be so improper—so immature that you would douse yourself in paint?"

"No father." Adrien bowed his head and fixed his gaze on his shoes. There was no point in trying to explain to his father that they were just having a bit of fun. His father wouldn't understand it, and Adrien knew this because he hadn't understood it himself at first either.

Although it had been his idea, Adrien never used to do things like this—not until he met Marinette; not until Marinette started to show him her ideas of fun. He'd never known true fun until he'd met her. He'd never known freedom before he'd met her, either.

"Clean yourself up at once."

"Yes, father." Adrien quickly said, "I apologize for my behavior. It will not happen again."

The king didn't even acknowledge his son's apology. He left as quickly as he came, and the few remaining artists scurried after him. Adrien only hoped they were trying to ease his father's fury on his behalf.

Adrien's shoulders slouched forward as soon as his father was gone. Now, he was once again irritated, for reasons that completely differed from his sour mood earlier.

"Are you all right, Adrien?" Marinette asked from somewhere behind him. Her voice sounded soothing, cautious even, as she tried to approach the subject with delicacy. He flinched ever-so-slightly when he felt her hand on his shoulder.

He should've appreciated her comfort. It felt... nice... and yet, he reacted in a way he wished he hadn't.

Adrien pulled away harshly and whipped around to face her. He didn't even allow himself time to process his words before he spoke them. "Do I look all right to you?"

Marinette flinched back, and he watched as her eyebrows furrowed slightly. "I...I did not mean to speak in offense. I just wanted to make sure his words did not—"

"Did not what? Hurt me?" He scoffed, hoping the pain of his father's words surely didn't seep through. He didn't need Marinette knowing that his father's words had indeed hurt—so much so that it felt like a dagger had gone right through his back. "You can rest assured that they did not, but they did open my eyes."

Her eyebrows furrowed further. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that he is right. I do not know what I was thinking—as a future king, I should not be acting so childish."

"There is nothing childish about having fun, Adrien. You are allowed to have fun, especially when you are in the privacy of your own home."

His eyebrows furrowed deeper, and against his will, his anger rose by the second. She didn't understand... and he would never expect her to. Marinette had no idea what it was like to live under his father's roof—to be the successor his father expected him to be. To be the perfect son; to be the perfect heir; to be the perfect ruler.

"You would not understand." Adrien averted his eyes and scoffed. "Your parents are kind and loving. They treat you with a bit of respect at the very least—"

"You know nothing about my relationship with my parents—"

"I know enough!" Adrien interrupted her with a shout. His raised voice echoed through the art room, bouncing off of the walls instead of soaking through them. "If your parents were anything like my father, you would be just like me: cold, callous, and unhappy."

"You are only those things because you have convinced yourself that you can be nothing more," Marinette argued. "But over these last few days, I have gotten to know you, and the man I have been spending every day with can actually be fun to be around when he is being himself."

"You do not know me." Adrien found himself seething despite his better judgment. He didn't want to be mean to her. He didn't want to push her away... and yet... "You only know bits and pieces that I have shared, and for all you know, those parts of me could all be lies."

"Are they all lies?" Marinette didn't miss a beat. With her arms folded over her chest and her brows furrowed deeply, it was clear that she didn't buy anything he was saying.

Adrien didn't answer her. Instead, he turned on his heel, ready to escape to the safety of his chambers so that he could simply breathe. The room was feeling suffocating, not just from the embarrassment his father had shed on him, but from the fact that, perhaps, he wanted comfort from the one woman he was supposed to hate with all of his heart.

"Where are you going?" She called after him, her tone implying she demanded to know, but he didn't answer her. He didn't even look over his shoulder. He stormed out of that art room utterly embarrassed and angry, allowing the doors to slam behind him.

He was met with dreaded silence, and the empty, endless hallway he stood in only seemed to stretch further the longer he stared down it. The paintings of his ancestors which hung on those walls only seemed to scrutinize him. Suddenly, the room felt smaller, tighter even, and he found himself cowering as if he were trying to hide from their painted gazes. His breaths felt shorter, and his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.

Adrien knew what this feeling was... even if he didn't know what to call it. The first one he ever had was after he was old enough to understand his mother's passing. His father had thought it to be an illness when the episodes continued even years after her passing. Even the physicians hadn't known what to make of it. There didn't seem to be a cure for these panicked episodes.

And so... Adrien usually had to suffer through them until they passed.

Alone.

He fell to his knees in the middle of that hallway and shrunk even further until his forehead touched the marble floor. It almost looked as if the young prince were bowing... and perhaps he was. A part of him felt that he needed to prove himself to his ancestors who hung on those walls, as if they could still see every mistake he ever made and could judge him for it. He sometimes felt as if he wasn't even worthy of their legacy, of his father's title, or any of this life.

But there was no one he could tell any of this to... not even Kagami. Kagami wasn't soft and understanding. She wouldn't pull him into a hug and assure him his swarming thoughts were nothing but lies. She wouldn't let him pour out his heart to her without offering some kind of unwanted opinion. She wouldn't support him in the way he needed to be supported.

She would just stare at him, her gaze as cold as ever. Her expression would be just like the ones of his ancestors who hung on these walls. Callous, scrutinizing. She would probably tell him that he needed to grow up; that he needed to toughen up; that this was something he just needed to accept and endure.

Assurance that he was good enough wasn't even on the table. The only one who ever assured him of anything in his life had always been his mother... and she was gone.

His loneliness only grew, as did his panic. His breaths quickly turned to gasps. His heart began to beat so fast that it raged against his chest—

"Adrien?"

In the very back of his mind, Adrien faintly heard his name. But he couldn't react to it. He couldn't even lift his head. He wouldn't even be able to acknowledge whoever was there until his episode passed. Until he could breathe again.

But then he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders and his breath hitched. His head lifted automatically, and his eyes widened when he realized that the person kneeling in front of him was Marinette.

All he could register was that it was her and that her eyes conveyed her concern. At first, he felt even more embarrassed knowing that she had found him in such a predicament and wanted to pull away, but Marinette kept him steadily in place.

She simply looked at him, and her gaze never once showed any scrutiny. She held nothing but concern and somehow... understanding for him, and he couldn't understand how that could be because he didn't know anyone else who had episodes like his.

So how could she understand what he was feeling right in that moment?

How could she help?

But somehow, Marinette knew exactly what to do. Her grip on his left shoulder tightened ever-so-slightly as her right hand moved downward. She placed an open palm on his chest, right over his pounding heart, and began to rub gentle circles over his shirt. When she spoke, there was no judgment laced behind her words. Her voice was soothing and confident as she said, "Just breathe, Adrien."

The solution sounded so simple that it almost seemed unbelievable, but Adrien decided in one split second that he would trust her, and did as she said nonetheless. As he tried to take a steady breath, Marinette began to demonstrate how she wanted him to breathe. She inhaled one deep breath and exhaled slowly and repeated that process, coaxing him to follow her lead.

And so, despite the fact that this had never been an option for a cure for his episodes in the past from his physicians, Adrien tried Marinette's method and simply breathed. Adrien did his best to mimic her breathing techniques until he felt his heart rate start to slow down.

As he finally began to regain himself, Adrien did something he never thought in a million years he would ever do in front of Marinette out of all people.

He started to cry.

The tears started to cascade down his cheeks before he could even think of stopping them, and then he was sobbing, pleading with his eyes as they bore into hers to help him.

Marinette didn't say anything. Somehow, there was nothing that needed to be said. She helped him by pulling him towards her and wrapping her arms around his neck.

She simply embraced him.

And that was all he needed.

He buried his face further into her shoulder and simply cried. Marinette held him there. She caressed the back of his head like his mother would have done when he was a boy. She was like the rock he needed while also being the comfort he craved. She was somehow giving him all the assurance he needed without saying a single word.

It didn't matter that they were on the floor. It didn't even matter that they were both still covered in paint and that his damp, green bangs stained her cheek even further. In that single moment, nothing else mattered but the comfort Marinette was able to give him.

Eventually, he finally calmed down, and he felt relaxed and content just to be held in her arms. Somehow, her presence and touch alone had brought a wave of peace that had washed over him so fully, and he hadn't understood how that had happened. So, he lifted his head from her shoulder and met her eyes, his expression radiating his confusion.

Marinette quickly matched his expression. "What is it?"

"How did you know what to do?" Adrien did not miss a beat. Despite the fact that his head was no longer resting on her shoulder, he still held onto her tightly, refusing to let her pull away if she dared to try it.

Her expression turned soft as she seemed to understand his question. Her hand continued to caress the back of his neck as she asked, "How long have you had these episodes?"

He opened his mouth, prepared to press for answers to his own question that she had clearly skipped over, but instead, he huffed sadly, and admitted, "Since my mother passed away."

"Well... that is to be expected." Marinette's voice was gentle and soothing, so calming that his eyes fluttered shut, and tiredness suddenly hit him like a plaque. "These episodes are a result of your anxiety, Adrien. They are often triggered by stress, anxiousness, fear, or trauma."

He opened his eyes and met hers once again, a bit of his remaining anxiousness swirling in his irises. "Are they curable?"

Marinette pressed her lips together and slowly shook her head. "I wish I could say yes, but unfortunately, there is no known cure. However, there are several methods to get through them quickly... like how I showed you."

He huffed again, this time out of frustration. "I do not want to 'get through' them. I want them to go away."

"I know."

At that moment, Adrien felt drained, and he was certain it was noticeable to Marinette. But somehow, even despite the fact that he tended to keep his episodes a secret from everyone around him—even from Kagami—and his father being the only exception, he realized that he wasn't ashamed knowing that Marinette now knew about them.

He moved to lean against the wall and sighed, letting his head loll back. At that moment, he didn't even care if he accidentally got paint on the palace walls. With his eyes closed, he asked, "How did you know how to calm me down?"

Marinette shuffled, and he felt her presence beside him as she moved to sit next to him. "I...I knew someone who suffered with something similar." She admitted rather quietly. "That always seemed to help them whenever they experienced an episode."

Adrien wanted to press her further... like who this mysterious person was who seemed to suffer from the same nightmare as he. But as the silence stretched on, Marinette didn't elaborate, and he didn't find it appropriate to push her. So, instead, he supplied his thanks. "Well... thank you for helping me."

Marinette smiled in response, but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. In fact, if he hadn't known any better, he would've guessed that she seemed uneasy.

But before he could question her, she beat him to it with a question of her own. "Do you... do you want to talk about it?"

He furrowed his brows in confusion at that. "Talk about what?"

Marinette shrugged idly. "It could be about... anything. What triggered the episode? How you are feeling. How your father's words made you feel."

He felt his annoyance starting to seep back in. He didn't need to talk about anything in order to feel better. Just getting over the episode was good enough.

"I am fine."

"I do not doubt that," Marinette assured him as gently as humanly possible. "But you should know that talking about it does help. You should also know that I am a great listener and I would do so without judgment."

Adrien didn't doubt that. He knew Marinette wouldn't judge him. What bothered him mostly was that he had been caught in such a vulnerable state. Even though he knew Marinette would never judge him for it, it had still been a bit embarrassing.

However, he honestly believed that if Kagami had found him in that state instead of Marinette, he wouldn't have been embarrassed. He would have been humiliated.

Adrien let out a heavy, defeated sigh. "I know. But I do not spill out my heart to people. That is not who I am."

"But you already have spilled out your heart to me." Marinette tilted her head slightly to catch his gaze at a better angle. "You told me about that one time when you were homesick as a boy. You even expressed how you felt."

He shrugged somewhat absently and shrugged. "And what of it? That was just a snippet of a childhood story. It meant nothing."

"It meant something to me."

His expression instantly softened upon hearing her words. He hadn't expected her to say that. In truth, he didn't expect Marinette to care so much about him or anything about his life.

How could she already care so much for him when they hadn't even known each other for a whole week?

Adrien sighed and leaned his head against the wall once more, leaving a green stain to smear on his father's perfectly pained off-white walls. His eyes were closed as he extended his hand out to her, his palm open and upward, inviting her to take his hand.

He didn't see Marinette's reaction, but he didn't need to. Marinette took his hand instantly and squeezed as if she understood exactly what he was thinking in that moment. It was somewhat weird holding her hand in complete silence... considering it wasn't something Adrien was used to. This wasn't something he did even with Kagami.

But... it was nice. And he found himself idly wondering why he and Kagami never did.

"Tell me something else about your homeland." Adrien broke the silence softly. He desperately needed the distraction.

The last thing he wanted right now was to have Kagami on his mind. Currently, his heart and his mind were at odds with one another regarding his love, unsure of what to even think about their relationship.

Marinette didn't seem to mind that he was still holding her hand. She didn't try to pull away from him, which he was grateful for. Instead, he heard her sigh wistfully, as if she were recalling all the many fond memories of her homeland in her mind. A part of him wished that he could dive into her mind just to see it for himself.

"We have beautiful valleys that stretch to the horizon." She began softly, a soft thud shortly following to indicate that she had rested her head against the wall as well. "Because it is so cold, it is usually always white, but very rarely, when it gets just a tad bit warm, all of these beautiful purple flowers bloom."

"It sounds beautiful." With his eyes closed, Adrien could practically picture it himself. It sounded so serene. It sounded like a place Marinette would spend a lot of time in.

"It is," Marinette said. "The best part of it all is getting to run through it."

Adrien chuckled at that. "I can definitely picture you running through a field of flowers."

She chuckled too, causing his grin to widen involuntarily till his cheeks started to sore. "Why is that?"

"Because that is totally a Marinette thing to do."

"'A Marinette thing?'" Marinette openly laughed at that, her laughter echoing down the hall in a sweet melody. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

Adrien shrugged, still smiling. "I could not say. But it makes sense, no?"

"No, it does not make sense. Not at all."

Adrien chuckled softly and opened his eyes, slowly turning his head to look at her. Much to his luck, Marinette was already looking at him, smiling just as brightly. They gazed at each other for what felt like quite some time until Marinette broke the silence. "When we go to my homeland, you must run through a field of flowers with me."

He sputtered out somewhat of a disbelieved laugh. "What on earth for?"

"To experience the joy of it, of course."

He shook his head as he chuckled. "I would look like an absolute fool frolicking through a field of flowers."

"So what would I look like when I do it?"

"You are a woman, Marinette. You would make it look majestic. I would probably trip over my own foot and plummet face-first into the weeds."

Marinette threw her free hand over her mouth as she snorted. "I can actually picture that happening."

"Can you now?" Adrien couldn't help but laugh at the prospect of it happening. The truth was... so could he.

Marinette giggled and shook her head at him playfully, even rolling her eyes at his rhetorical question. She shot him a wistful smile. "I think what I quite miss most about my homeland are the mountains. You can see them from here, but only as distant silhouettes."

"I cannot imagine being surrounded by mountains," Adrien said. "My homeland must look absolutely bland compared to yours."

Marinette scrunched up her nose at that. "Nonsense. There are many wonderful qualities about your homeland."

"Like what?"

"Like the warm weather, for starters." She didn't even hesitate to list something as if she'd already had the answers on the tip of her tongue. She hadn't even needed to think about it. "Sure, the really intense, dry heat can be gruesome, but the warmth? The warmth is wonderful."

He simply smiled as he watched her talk. He liked the way she spoke about the world.

"What else?" He found himself asking fondly.

"You have wonderful valleys too, that stretch as far as the eye can see."

"Sure, but they are all used as farmland. No beautiful flowers grow in them."

"Maybe not, but other beautiful things do." She said with a wide smile. "Like vegetables and fruits. Wheat and grain. Wonderful foods that make your country known for its delicacies."

He found himself in awe for just a moment at how she could see the beauty in such common things that were often overlooked.

"Also, I quite like your gardens." She added gleefully. "Even if flowers do not grow out in the fields naturally, whoever planted your gardens is truly an artist."

Adrien's smile only fell slightly, but there was still wistfulness there, enough to mask just how precious those gardens were to him. "Those are my mother's gardens."

"Oh..." Marinette's soft smile dwindled as well, but only to reveal her sympathy. "Well, my statement still stands. Your mother was an artist. I would have thought you would have inherited that talent, but your performance in the art room was devastating."

It didn't slip past him just how effortlessly Marinette was able to avert the conversation back to something humorous. He found that he rather appreciated that ability of hers.

Feigning offense, Adrien gasped and placed his free hand over his chest. "I will have you know that just because you won at painting does not mean mine sucked."

"At least you could tell that my painting was a vase."

Playfully, Adrien nudged her with his shoulder, snickering as he did so. Marinette laughed alongside him. Their hands were still conjoined, neither of them caring to let go. Adrien was just happy to have her there, bantering and sharing laughs with her that he knew he needed. It was so refreshing to have someone like Marinette in his company.

As their laughter died down, he let out a content sigh and gave her hand another squeeze. "I suppose I ought to apologize for the way I spoke to you in the art room. It was not right of me to take my anger out on you."

Marinette offered him a soft smile. "I accept your apology. I understand you were frustrated."

"That does not excuse my actions, though." Adrien offered her somewhat of a pained smile. "I also would like to apologize for what I said about your relationship with your parents. I should not make such assumptions. I am sure they are fine parents."

"They are." Her smile still remained soft as she kept her eyes on his. "But you should know that just because they love me, does not mean that our relationship is perfect. My father tends to put many things above his love for me."

"Well..." Adrien knew exactly how she felt. His father did the same. "I suppose that is just another thing we have in common then."

Marinette pressed her lips together to suppress a frown. "You know, when I was just a child, my father began to teach me the ways of how a future queen should be. He has been preparing me ever since I could walk—everything that he has done and continues to do is for the sake of his kingdom. His priority is only his kingdom. It has never been me."

Adrien couldn't help but frown as he listened to her words. It was almost as if they were two halves in a whole, both carrying the same burden that rulership brought on their shoulders.

Adrien had always known that his father's priority had always been the crown and never him... but he hadn't known it had been the same way for her.

"My father has been preparing me for marriage all my life..." Marinette smiled sadly, her gaze falling to her lap. "But you know what he never prepared me for? The responsibility of uniting two kingdoms through marriage. He never prepared me to marry you."

"I would have thought the opposite," Adrien said truthfully. "You seem to know exactly what you are doing."

Marinette scoffed at that. "Well, at least I do not look like a complete fool then."

Adrien pulled up a knee to his chest and rested his arm on it, allowing his free hand to dangle between them. "If it makes you feel any better, despite all of the preparation my father gave me, I was nowhere near ready for ma—uh... this."

He was going to say marriage. But at the last second, he held his tongue. Because saying he wasn't ready for marriage would have been a lie. He was ready to marry Kagami. He would do so in a heartbeat if only she agreed. So, he wasn't hesitant to marry... just hesitant to marry anyone who wasn't Kagami.

Marinette offered him a tight smile. "I hope... I hope that despite all of our differences, you will not mind having me as a queen."

Adrien smiled at her softly. "I think you will make a great queen."

And he meant that. He really did.

Marinette had all the good qualities of a future queen. She was kind and generous. Bubbly and carefree. Serious when she needed to be. Level-headed. Strong.

He had no doubts that she would do well helping him rule.

Marinette perked up slightly at that. "You think so?"

Adrien nodded. "You have not said or done anything that would make me think otherwise. You have a good head on your shoulders, Marinette."

Her widened smile told him all he needed to know. She was appreciative of his words.

He matched her smile. "Perhaps we should probably clean ourselves now." He raised his free hand between them to emphasize his point, his skin still sticky from green paint.

Marinette chuckled and released his hand. For an odd moment, he found himself wishing that he could hold it just a little longer. But before he could even consider that thought to be bizarre, Marinette had stood to her feet and was extending her hand down to him.

With a cheeky smile, she asked, "How would you feel about going for a swim?"

_______________________________

Welp... there's that. I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! Hopefully I wrote the panic attack okay???

Also, we can schedule automatic updates for our books now??? I have been waiting for this feature for AGES.

On another note... Adrien and Marinette are only getting closer hehe. Things are going to get better, but they're also going to get worse. I advise buckling those seatbelts ;)

See you (hopefully) next week (9/8/23) for the next chapter!

Vote?
Comment?
Share?

Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen2U.Pro