Dear Boy...

I know you know me and who I am to you. But not how I feel about you. To be honest, I'm scared, that's why I know I'll never give you this letter. So why the hell am I writing this? Well, just for the sake of my own sanity.

I like you, I don't know if I'll ever love you but I know I like you. You're someone I know I'll be safe with and someone I can laugh with. Someone I can see going on a date with.

I imagine going for a lunch date. Somewhere cheap but somewhere date worthy. I'd wear my jeans and my favourite shirt with my jacket, minimal makeup on and canvas shoes. And I might feel like I'm not pretty enough to go on this date with you but you'll say I'm beautiful and take my hand as we walk to our lunch place.

That's what I like about you. You see past how I look and treat me like I'm worthy.

You'll ask me how I am and I'll say I'm great even though I would probably be a nervous wreck while preparing for this date. I'll look down at our joined hands and can't believe that this is happening. When we get to lunch, I'm trying not to think of all the bad things that may happen and you notice. You'll tell me its okay and I'll laugh nervously. We order and talk about books and movies while we wait for our food. I relax, reminding myself about who I'm with. The boy I love. I'll ask you about your sister, the kindest soul I know and you'll tell me how annoying she is even though you're smiling. The food comes and I'm trying not to stuff my face. You laugh and eat as fast as I do so that I won't feel nervous. After lunch, we go for a walk and the weather is perfect. You take my hand again and we both just enjoy the company in silence. You'll kiss me on the cheek and I'll blush like a ridiculous idiot.

This is my perfect fantasy that I know will never happen. You're happy with her and I know that. I'll never tell you how perfect you guys are together because I know won't be able to tell you so with the truthfulness you deserve. You deserve perfect and that's who you're with. Not me. Never me. That's why I know I'll never give you this letter. I wouldn't ruin the perfect for you. But I'll be fine looking at you from a distance like I have been. I'll be jealous of course, with the way you look at her. The way I wish you would look at me.

I love you. I know that now, after writing this letter. I love you, I always will. In both my head and my heart. I always will.

To the boy I will always love forever, Fish Lee