Leaning over the arch of her room's window she found a solace for sometime, work and worldly activities never left her, tiny- miny times with self is always to be theft from time, but complaints never uttered, it's just, self time were very secondary, sometimes happiness of your loved ones lets you forget so many things about yourself. Annika is thoughtful today, the descending sun is bidding adheu for the day, leaving  a thought of something which never took attention in her life. Love! Love, which she is unsure about, She knows what love is ; looking for your happiness in someone else's, loving someone more than your life itself, that's how love is defined by people, well she knows this but never experienced it. Sometimes she wonders why loving is categorized in this or that? Love is love- be it mother's love, family love and even, between two non related people's, it's nothing different, love is love after all, feeling are same also the intensity is same then why we judge them?. Why it has to be categorize and how they distinguish it anyway? What are the parameters of defining your love from another's. When she tries to understand this,her whole life's understanding becomes a heap of nothing.

Why suddenly this thought? There is a reason for her emotional vulnerability, She is not insecure, off course, she won't agree to that, not even when Tia hugged Shivaay, not even when her lipstick mark was shining in the evening light of the restaurant, which, looking at that , she has an urge to wipe it off but she dreaded the consequences, off course she could have  easily do it, she has full right on him and it will not be her first time too, she has done a lot more than that but today she felt awkward. Strangely, but awkward.

Why? Why today Shivaay's hands looked far from her reach.? Tia's hands were entwined with his, her entire focus was on his hands which, not even for once left Tia's hand! Why? Is it normal to get jealous of your best friend's girlfriend? Is it normal to feel uneasy looking at their comfort, which once you flaunted. Because you were the only possessors of his love and affection. Shivaay has been to many relationship but Annika never felt so insecure. Why this time?

Tia seems to be a very nice girl, infact almost perfect, being born in a elite society, she is not corrupted, she believes in making your own identity, career oriented and down to earth, that's what she wishes for Shivaay and Tia is perfect for it. She even agreed and understood Annika shivaay's relationship, which was in itself a miracle, she agreed when Annika told how their relationship sometimes gets more passionate than a friendship should, even accepted that she had to ignore certain things which may not turn out to be ignored.
It was a happy moment, even Shivaay was satisfied with the talk they had, its only Annika, whose attention was captured by the closeness of them. She was fighting with herself, continuously scolding her mind, this is is selfishness! She told herself. She can't just sit and reminisce I've rahe fact that now Shivaay is leaving her, she can't cage Shivaay for her own, his love and care has to be shared and now she had to understand that fact.

Her chain of thought were broken by a series of knock at the door and she very well knew who it was, Shivaay stood at the foot of the door with a Happy grin, his eyes were shining, coat tiredly resting on his shoulder, jet black three piece suit looked pale like his tired face, but his eyes shined there was a glimpse of happiness in them, however Annika's eyes travelled straight to his cheeks, still searching for that blush pink shade which occupied half of her attention that afternoon, Suddenly she hated pink colour.

He said 'hey' in a low voice, Shivaay enters  room and straighten himself over the bed with a loud moan, he is hell tired today, after lunch with Tia and Annika, he worked, finished three consecutive meetings and before returning back he has managed to wrap up things with his subordinates on next days presentation. Annika is still in her unknown, whence of dilillusion stood there silent. Shivaay was resting on the bed and was blabbered his days incidents. When he got silence in reply his attention went to Annika, she was lost, "Is everything fine, Annika?" He uttered in an expectant manner. Her cold demanueor compelled him to sit abruptly in full attention something is wrong! She is lost, way too much than required.

"Huh...um..yeah, actually i was thinking" Annika said in an apprehension, her mind was battling with her heart, why she is  uttering this, she had no clue but in the complete distress she said" I was thinking about Tia! I mean she is a good girl..but..huh, let it be you have already choose her so no use." Annika changed her mind, but it didn't work with Shivaay, he was intrigued already.

"What do you mean? You didn't like Tia?" Shivaay was disappointed but he was eager to know what his best friend feels about Tia, her choice matters to him and this time he is pretty sure about what he wants, in his workload and excitement he forgot to ask her, mentally scolding himself for such blunder, he stood, to meet standing Annika face to face, Annika can see he cuaght her hidden words and now she can't escape it.

"No. actually I liked her, she is smart, not self obsessed also very low profile but somehow I felt she is not good for you, certainly Annika's mouth is not coordinating with her mind but definitely with her heart, it is so unlike her, she is never too direct to Shivaay, specially when it's about his dates, even if she didn't liked someone of his choice, she would always felt happy to think Shivaay has got someone of his choice, but today her heart is bouncing with joy to oppose his choice, it's a complete jigsaw for her, mind is continuously scolding her for her bluntness, Shivaay will be disappointed, knowing even that she continued.

Annika knows Tia is a nice girl and also very unfortunately suitable for Shivaay but her heart is not complying with this common sense. She wants Shivaay to not meet Tia! She wants him exclusively for herself. This is so unlike her, she is never too stringent in her life, and after doing all of this, she is not even feeling guilty.

Shivaay is in state of shock, for the first time when he thought everything is working out for him, is actually a deep illusion. After Tia - Annika meet he was so satisfied, he even started to plan his future, after so much of chaos around him he was able to make a coherence between his love and Annika. His sole purpose in his life is to find a perfect partner, who can understand Annika and his relationship, everytime he failed, he knew this is Hercules task, it let alone the thought of being happy, nobody actually understand this. Today, when he thought his search was ending it seem it's not end after all.

He was confused too, because Tia was very happy after meeting Annika, she found Annika very understanding and mature, which she is, but unlike other times Annika has problem. He knows she will definitely have valid reason, and he trust her intelligence completely, but this is disappointing that his efforts are going in vain. He had to start all over again.

"Wh... what do you mean? I mean I thought she was good, did she say something which you didn't liked?" Shivaay's first thought revolved around Annika being hurt, he got a negative response to that, which confused him more. "So....what's the problem then?" Shivaay asked still in dazed with the events.

"Let it be Shivaay, I know you have already decided also its not a big problem, also doesn't matter, what if I find something not right, you're  happy around her, that's enough right?" Annika was not playing around, she is genuinely think her thoughts are being biased and she can't ruin him because of that. But to her surprise Shivaay was fuming, his desperation can be seen looking at his pacing figure, he was walking in long strides in the room.

"How can you even utter those words? Your choice doesn't matter to me? Really? Can you hear yourself? You very well know if there is anything that matters to me in this world is you! Don't play that game with me okay, just tell me why you feel like that?" He breaths a desperate air and stopped to page around, to see her, he can guess she is  distress too, may be this is also very hard for her or may be Shivaay panic stricken eyes stressed her, calming himself a bit, he closed the distance between them, holding her, by her shoulder he said, " You matter to me the most okay, now tell me why you're saying that she not good for me! I have not committed to her yet, off course it will be disappointing but better than broken relationship right. Tell me what did you see?" Shivaay asked genuinely, and with that Annika's heart sank, what will she say now? Why she didn't like her? Because she hated his holding her hands or that lipstick mark? How stupid of hers to distress her best friend because she can't handle a mere thought of being second in his life.!

Stupid Annika she thought and calming her sense's she said," Why are you stressed so much Shivaay? I said I think she is not suitable for you, it doesn't mean she is not right for you....." She paused a bit, and said morr calmer" What I mean to say is..., do you think with her Passion of making her career she'll be able to handle a family too? Remember she said she liked nuclear family! Also the level of dedication you have for your family, will she  able to match up to it?" Annika said half heartedly, she wanted to tell him about her insecurities but she didn't, because she know he will be disappointed. She can guess he loves Tia, only because she is not able to handle something, she can't ruin a relationship. This is also a fact that if Shivaay gets a slightest of hint that Annika is uncomfortable with Tia's and his relationship he will definitely leave Tia, any day any time he will choose her over anything or anyone even his own happiness. So she controlled her emotions.

"Oh god Annika, some day  you'll be death of me. " Shivaay said with line of relief followed.

"I have already thought about it, nuclear family- she can't get that, but she is not burdened with any family responsibilities right! Also as long as she is cordial with the members I don't see any problem there, she can happily live her life as long as she doesn't hampers my way of life" Shivaay said very straight forward, he didn't sound a lover here, almost like a businessman.  Annika gave it a thought, is he just collaborating with her because he is looking at this relationship as a business deal? Tia's parent's are influential after all, but she bruised her thought off, he has his priorities straight, he knows love is not to be dealed, many times they had this discussion about love and life. Shivaay knows, he can't mix love with business, but Annika is sceptical as he spoke, why he is so sure about Tia will follow everything he claims that she will? Again she spat herself thinking rather doubting Shivaay and Tia's relationship.

Her heart was disappointed, she couldn't  convey her thought to him, but felt relief looking at his rathee calm figure

"Then, that's great Shivaay, I was just tense, you know I can't see you hurt also I know how important your family is to you...so..." Annika finally dropped the idea of telling him about her so called stupid confusion.

"Is it really Annika? Are you sure this is the only thing you're confuse about? He asked, Annika just nodded and Shivaay stopped the conversation.

Shivaay just nodded in response and left her room, for the first time he walked up to his room when he was not willing, the whole conversation looked so incomplete to him, as if Annika is hiding something! She was tense, she said  that, also he noticed and he wants to belive it's because of Tia, but she didn't said why she is tensed? She said all of that but he is not convinced, her face told that it's not enough , may be she is fearing something. May be which will hampers their relationship.
May be!

Does she love him? A thought passed his head, but spatted himself other second.  There is something which is bothering her he knew and he had to find it out anyhow.

********

Days passed unexpectedly, suddenly everything looked routine, Shivaay's waking Annika up in the morning looked too regular, no smiles ,no excitement, the cheerfulness which they would share was missing, nothing has changed though, Annika's sceptical mind was still bothering her but she hardly gave any hint to anyone, let it be Shivaay! while Shivaay didn't show any difference in his approach, knowing Annika is hiding something. Yes, he can easily demand an explanation from her he has that authority, with her but he also knew if this was something to be told, then surely she would have said it by now. Annika never hid anything from him. Why today? There has to be something behind this. He thought. 

A week passed in this confusion, Annika was enable to handle this distraction and was avoiding everyone around even Shivaay, " I need to understand that after few months this is how it has to go". She would tell herself that.

Tia's has to be in the priority list of Shivaay and she can't expect him to keep her on top in that list, the quicker she understand this better for both of them, she thought. She is unaware that her judgement on this regard is completely wrong, Shivaay will never let her leave like that.

********

Note:. Change of plan..I don't know why but the whole story looks deliberately done. I am not feeling good about it. I Don't know what to do, sometimes my mind wants to end the book here itself or leave it in middle, on second thought I feel I am Cheating my readers by ending it abruptly, so I am compelled to think to continue it. I don't know where I am lacking...please suggest....don't know what I wrote here.  It's such a difficult task to get through this...

I'll try writing few chapter if there's no clear idea where it is heading then I will give this book a call. I may unpublish whole book. But if it turns interesting enough then will continue.

Please read and suggest.

Sorry no precaps......

Krishna