lana's POV

the movie was pretty great, but i liked the first one more. i didn't even hear about the second one until we got here, though. almost a year and a half ago, i saw someone named savannah post about the first one and i wanted to see what it was about.

at least hannah had a good time. they needed to get out of the house. 

i checked my instagram inbox as soon as we walked out of the theater. 

skylar's text read:
"today's been alright i guess, just a normal boring day. i don't really do much. i hope yours is going good."

another said:
"oh, the greatest showman 2? the first one was better."

second thing in common. 

hannah saw me smiling. "maybe you do like this boy."

i scoffed. "you don't have feelings for everyone you smile at, do you?"

"no, you're right. but that smiles different."

we got into my car and headed over to get milkshakes at seneca falls.

"thank you, lana." hannah said with sympathy.

"you know it's no problem."

"no, really."

"hannah, it's just a milkshake." i said, chuckling.

"that's not what i mean. ever since we reconnected, i've felt a lot better about my life." they took a sip. "you're always the person i can count on to be there for me. if that boy ever gets a chance to be in your life, and i know whenever you get into a relationship you're always treated like trash, i swear he's going to become the luckiest person on the planet."

maybe hannah was right. i was everyone's shoulder to cry on.

but i knew once i got home, i would have my normal anxiety attack.

i'd become scared.

i didn't want to get involved with more people.

more people meant i had to care more.

which meant more stress.

which meant more crying.

which meant even less help for myself.

every day more and more was lost.

no, don't listen to hannah. they're wrong. do you know how many people could care less whether or not if you were in their life? they only said that so it doesn't seem like everyone takes advantage of you.

"thanks," i replied. "you feeling alright enough to go back home? you can text me if anything happens again."

"yeah, i should be fine. my dad was just drinking again and that's when he always acts the most dickish."

"what even was he yelling for?" i asked, curiously.

"the usual. "stop telling everyone to call you them! you're one fucking person."

i rolled my eyes. discrimination would never end.

-----

"oh, and wear your black ripped jeans to the concert!" i yelled out of the car window. "i forgot we never actually finished picking out your outfit."

"alright, i'll text you a picture of me in it so you can tell me how it looks! later." they closed their front door.

i exhaled and rolled the window back up.

during the drive home, i guess i zoned out so much that i barely even noticed nothing was playing on the radio.

there was too many thoughts.

why did my past always have to get in the way of the present and future?

why do i make everything into a big deal?

other people never really notice it, but in my head, i overlook and think everything. every situation, every conversation, every person, and every action. i freak out because of this.

and i knew i was going to once again, once i got into my bedroom and closed the door.

i was used to it though.