Did you know how much it hurts to feel betrayed again? Did you know how much it hurts? 

Did you know how I always felt like I was a hole in other people's lives? Everyday, I felt I wasn't enough. I always thought I was a dust in a corner waiting for people to notice me. 

Did you know how I felt? I feel like I'm always suffocated. I always feel I'm surviving. Surviving to live with happiness. I just want to be happy but why can't you just let me? 

It really hurts.

Please...

Just take my pain away.

I want to be happy.

Did you know how I feel like I don't belong anywhere? Did you know how hard it was to have the courage to enter other people's groups? How hard it was trying to fit in? How hard was it to change to be better for me to fit in?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for not being considerate.

I'm sorry for being bad.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I'm typing this and I can't stop these tears. It hurts...

It hurts to be broken twice for the same reason. It hurts.

What did I do wrong to be in the same situation again when I felt so done? I'm so tired. I feel so tired to breathe.

I don't know anymore.

10.23.19