So, I'm still procrastinating writing on both Pave and Katie. Oops. Sorry Shay. Pwease forgive me. I'll do it tomorrow. Hell, there's still two full days and some odd hours left. I'm confident. I can do it. Just not now. Not after the ten thousand plus words. I'm so crashing hard from that.

Is writing addiction a real thing? I think it is. Yah. I have it. I get on a writing high and then crash so bad.

Guys this is serious.

I realize you aren't all guys.

Brings this is serious.

Timer is not set. My pinkie hurts. I dunno why. I didn't hurt it. :(

*

I have a bit pet peeve with beauty, standards, and people who "don't give a shit about standards".

Let's break this up, shall we? To save time and effort I made this entirely about my Wattpaddy friends because I was too lazy to use real life people and besides I don't have a life. :p SO HERE GOES NOTHING!

Being skinny does not mean you aren't beautiful.

Being average does not mean you aren't beautiful.

Being curvy does not mean you aren't beautiful.

Being big does not mean you aren't beautiful.

Being short does not mean you aren't beautiful.

Being average does not mean you aren't beautiful.

Being tall does not mean you aren't beautiful.

None of those fucking matter. Okay? I said it. I cussed it. And it's fucking true. That shit doesn't mean anything. It's only useful when you want to describe a person. Otherwise? It has NOTHING to do with beauty. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.

When I think of beautiful one thing comes to mind:

Katie.

Not because she's sexy (but Eve says she is so I'm inclined to believe it) or beautiful or pretty or has really nice hair/teeth/eyes/foot size/waist size/etc. I don't care about that idiotic shit.

I think of the fact that her writing makes me CRY. I think of how she laughs and how when I'm sad she makes me laugh. I think of how stubborn she is and how she picks at her nails until they bleed and how she gets quiet when she's upset and how she snaps and how she'll call you out on your bullshit. I think of how she loves to cuss but rarely does it.

Then I think of Shay.

I think of Shay's writing, which is damn beautiful, and I think of Shay's personality. I think of how Shay expresses Shayself and has a weird sense of humor and is kinda odd at times and how they never reply but how they're super freaking kind and how they have this amazing talent for writing at such a young age.

I think of Rose.

I think of how her writing makes me cry and how funny and sweet and random she is. I think of her words and that darn poem that goes through my head because of her. I think of her comments on my entries and how she helps me become a better writer. I think of Dark Horse and how I love reading it and critiquing it because it is raw and unfiltered and so pretty.

I think of Karla.

Mostly about how she lies if she says she'll talk to you. :p I think of her characters and the way they stir emotion up. I think of how flawless they are. I think of the envy she stirs up and the fact that even though I hardly talk to her she's fantastic.

I think of Garrett.

I think of how his poetry brings me to tears. I think of how he'll never shut up in his entries if you give him no word count. I think of how amazing his writing is and how he's so creative.

I don't even know what you guys look like (aside from Katie) and I think of you. Looks don't mean shit. You mean shit. You mean everything. You are perfect because you aren't. You are amazing because of and in spite of your flaws.

If you think looks matter, you need to stop and actually LOOK AT YOURSELF.

What's beautiful?

Go grab yourself a mirror. Look deep into those eyes. Then break that damn mirror, stand up for yourself, and shout, "I am beautiful! Not for this body that shall fade but for my mind and everything in it!"

Don't be fooled by idiots who feed you lies. You are the image of beauty. Do not be upset because others don't look like you--for they too are the images of beauty. Do not be envious of them. Envy stirs envy and if you are envious then you set the path for others to be so too.

Love yourself.

Love your writing.

Most importantly, don't think of your body when you think of beauty. Think of you. You are not your body. You are not the shell you reside in. You are like a Darlek--the creature inside is not the creature outside. Get over my Whovian reference, Katie.

If you really, really, want to know what I find beautiful...

Go look at your writing.

There's your answer.

*

I did no include Eve. I do not and will never love her for her outside so that was not even considered. Eve is beautiful and special and amazing and it has nothing to do with what she looks like. She knows how special she is to me. :)

*

I don't know where the idea came from, but way back when some idiot decided that beauty should be on the outside. I imagine he had a conversation with a drunkard and they decided it. Like this:

Idiot: Hey!

Drunkard: Yeah, hubbub gnus? *hic*

Idiot: Beauty! It's external! How you look decides who you are!

Drunkard: Whoa! What a *hic* fan *hic* tastic idea!

Idiot: Yes! Someone agrees! Now let's brainwash our babies and ruin humanity!

Drunkard: Oh, we're off on a secret mission...

The ending kinda became Galavant there. Oh well. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Dear lord, now I'm singing country music. When does the horror end? My Brian is so frazzled. I think that was *supposed* to be brain. Darn it. I broke my Brian.

Guys, this is what a writing crash looks like. D: Can I get a Writers Anon group? Please? I need one. This is problematic.

Whoa, now my arm is numb. I think I've typed too much. The word count, with this, is now 11,445 or something like that. Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa. I'm going to break something. Probably my achy breakey heart.

Ever get too many songs stuck in your head? That's how I feel, only with words instead of songs. But some songs too. Like this song called "Rio" talking about a girl who's like the river and oh my god guys it's so fantastic.

Only you're not all guys.

Beings, it's the bomb diggetie.

So...um...this was Tess. Sorta. Kinda. I may not post this. I think I sound a bit drunk. Or tipsy. I'm neither.

-Tess-

[Written on 1-20-16]