Chapter Twenty Nine: Surprising Kindness
River Jenkins

I lingered for too long on Sophia's porch, struggling to find the will to actually move forward and to go home, but I couldn't get my feet to work and to step down the small set of wooden steps. It felt as if my feet were glued onto place.

My subconscious told me to stay and to be there for Sophia because she clearly needs me more than she's letting on, but she doesn't want me there anymore.

After a few more seconds of debating whether or not I should leave and go home, I started to hear Sophia's painful sobs echoing through the empty house.

I didn't hesitate when I turned around on my heels and entered her house again without knocking. I don't think she would have answered the door anyways.

Sophia was still in the kitchen where I left her, but instead of standing, she was now lying on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest as more painful sobs escaped her lips. She didn't notice me running into the kitchen, or even when I lifted her up from the cold tiled floor of the kitchen to hug her to my chest.

She was in the same trance she was in when we were at the hospital when her grandmother was first admitted for the heart attack. Sophia's eyes were open and filled with unshed tears, but she was unable to react to her surroundings. She was inside of her own mind again-the most dangerous place someone can be locked inside of.

"It's all my fault." She mutters under her breath. Her words came out so soft, they were barely audible. And it would have been if I wasn't sitting so close to her. "Daniel's death..." She sniffles, swallowing hard. "I murdered Daniel."

I never knew how to sympathise with anyone before, but I still tried my absolute best to rub soothing circles over her back, and made sure that she knew she wasn't alone. I just held her against me, letting her break down in front of me, but also letting her know that I would be here to pick up the pieces after.

I won't make the same mistake of not being there for someone when they need me ever again.

• • •

When Sophia has finally calmed down enough that she wasn't erupting into sobs anymore, she sniffles once more and pulls away from me. She then sits with her back against the island, and turns her head just slightly to look at me.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes.

"For what?" I ask, knitting my eyebrows together out of confusion.

She swallows hard and licks her lower lip. "I am sorry for chasing you away, River." She starts to explain. "I just... I was so overwhelmed that you knew what happened to... to, uh, to Daniel and I just... I started to panic. I was scared that you would be like my mother, calling me a murderer and pushing me away after you knew the truth to what really happened to Daniel. I forget sometimes that not everyone's as shitty as my mother." She chuckles, only lightly.

The amount of hatred I have for that woman and we didn't even officially get to know each other was so overwhelming that if I were to ever see her again, I'd probably spit in her damn direction, and have no remorse therefore whatsoever.

She was a fucking asshole to Sophia.

Her mother felt absolute no remorse toward Sophia and what happened to her. She was heartless, apathetic, evil and cruel. All those traits were propped into a single woman, with fake nails to add to her already-fake personality and being.

I hated that woman so damn much already and I've only engaged with her once.

"You don't have to be sorry." I tell her. "All of us have our bad days."

She wipes the wetness of her cheeks with the backs of her hands and releases a heavy sigh. "I didn't think that you'd come back." She looks at me intently. "You didn't have to come back... but you still did. Why?"

"I won't make the same mistake of not being there for someone when they need me ever again." I tell her honestly and see her eyes flash with confusion. "Just like how you blame yourself for Daniel's death... I blame myself for not being there for Beck when he needed me the most. I won't make that mistake again."

She smiles at me pensively. "Thank you." There's silence for a few seconds before she starts to speak again. "For everything. For calling Ana so that I won't be at the hospital alone with my mother. For driving me to and from the hospital so that I wouldn't walk alone in the snow." She swallows, hard and visibly. "And thank you, River, for not judging me... about what happened to Daniel."

"I have made a lot of mistakes too." I bite my lip so she won't see it trembling. "So it would be very wrong of me to judge someone based on what they did in the past when I am just as guilty for the mistakes I have made in the past."

She nods in understanding and tucks a strand of her loose hair behind her ear.

"Are you okay?" I ask her the question many people have failed to ask me.

I know that Sophia was everything but okay, but I still asked nonetheless. She knew I was here for her, so she could be honest with me, and I needed to hear it come from her mouth that she was okay.

I wanted her to be okay because no one deserves to feel guilty because of one accident they have made in the past. What happened to Sophia and Daniel was just that: an accident, and the fact that her mother is trying to make Sophia believe otherwise just tells us what kind of person she truly was underneath that fake façade she was keeping up.

"It happens to me a lot..." She admits. "I just break down sometimes and relive the awful memories of the past."

"Like the first day, in the bathroom when Ana ran after you?"

"Yes." She admits again. "And that night, at Ana's party... I wanted to end it all." She swallows hard when tears started to fill up inside her eyes again. "I wanted to die that night. I wouldn't have stepped out of the way if you weren't there to pull me out of the way." She nods slowly, as if she was ashamed. "I didn't even think... for one second... what big of an impact my death would have on my grandmother, because she's responsible for me, you know? I should have thought about her, but all I thought about that night was the fact that I wanted to be reunited with Daniel. I couldn't care less about anything else."

When she blinked, the tear ran down her cheek.

It took every fibre of my being not to wipe it away, but my hand failed me, and before I knew it, I was wiping the tear that ran down her cheek with my thumb.

She looks at me like she did earlier; intently.

I lower my hand and crack my knuckles. "It happens to me too." I nod, slowly, clearing my throat afterwards. "I know you know that I fight in that abandoned barn." I tell her, seeing her cheeks warm up almost immediately that I have caught her out. "My last opponent, the one who broke my rib, I wanted him to end it all, and he probably would have if Myles didn't pull me out of the ring." I pause, only for a few seconds before speaking again. "I needed him to end it all, to rid myself from the pain, but I didn't think about my aunt and uncle, either. I just wanted to lessen my own pain. I just wanted to make myself feel better."

She gives me a pained stare. "It's okay to break down sometimes." She says; her eyes glistening. "Even though it sometimes makes you feel too exposed." She releases a heavy sigh. "Everyone breaks down sometimes, even guys..."

Every time I broke down in the past-the bathroom and at my house when Sophia lifted her hand and I thought she was going to hit me-I felt exposed and weak, but sometimes weakness shows that you're still alive... pain shows you that you're still alive and that you're still here to survive for another day.

"After Beck... I, uh, I started to get more panic attacks." I start to explain. "I had them before but it became worse and worse after a while..." I tell her. "It feels as if though I can't breathe on days when I think about him... about them. My heartbeat is faster than everything else and sometimes I just feel too weak. Some days it would infuriate me that I feel so completely weak, but then there are days when it makes me feel better. It gives me an advantage sometimes."

I feel my heart shattering inside my chest mentioning Beck, but I focus on Sophia and her eyes on me and I feel slightly better.

"It gives you an advantage in the ring?" She asks.

I nod.

"I'm sorry." She says.

I shake my head at her. "It's not your fault." I tell her, ignoring the fact that she had pity written all across her face. Instead of fighting it, I decided to embrace it. She felt bad for me, I can truly see it written across her face.

"I meant sorry for everything." She says, looking directly at me. "Sorry for always prying about your life. Sorry for being annoying sometimes..."

"Sometimes?" I tease.

She swats my arm playfully and hisses when she hits a little too hard. "You're such an ass... sometimes." She shakes her head.

"I was just joking, Sophia." I tell her, feeling my lips curve upward in a smile.

"Yeah... right." She rolls her eyes at me.

• • •

Sophia Crawford

River left right before the clock struck five, and I was now seated in the living room, watching the sun start to set through the blinds.

I didn't feel alone anymore, even after River has left. I felt good for the first time in a long time, just to get every single thing off my chest felt like a huge relief, and the fact that River never once judged me made me feel even better.

River was there for me, just like I was there for him countless times before, but helping someone should be countless-you should help someone because it makes you feel better, not because you want to look good in front of everyone.

I felt good because River was there for me without having to prove himself in front of everyone. He was there for me-the two of us were alone and we bonded and there wasn't anyone to see. And what truly surprised me was the fact that River mentioned Beck, his brother, without freaking out. He mentioned Beck out of the blue and didn't fight with me after like he usually did when the topic came up in the past.

My phone vibrating against the couch made me snap out of my thoughts-which was mostly River and how he was so nice to me without being rude once.

ANA ANDREWS: How are you doing? Should I come over?

SOPHIA CRAWFORD: I'm fine, Ana. I'm just relaxing a little bit before my grandmother comes home tomorrow. I smile, loving how Ana was so sweet and caring, even after the talk I had with her about Daniel. She never blamed me once. She didn't judge me once.

I wanted to tell her that River walked me home and that he took care of me when I burned my hands, but I kept it to myself instead. He was being nice for the first time in a very long time and I didn't want to ruin what we have by telling everyone about us.

ANA ANDREWS: Drink a cup of tea and relax. Treat yourself, you queen.

I smile at her message yet again.

SOPHIA CRAWFORD: You're the queen here, Ana. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow.

She sent a smiling emoji and I let out a deep breath before deciding to get up from the couch. It was dark out now and I needed to take a shower before getting into a nice and warm bed.