Number One: Appearances.

If you've read my message board (oh this one was about three weeks ago) you know about my rant involving Cybertronians and appearances. And the way Cybertronians somehow perceive our fleshy little beings as 'attractive', 'sexy', etc.

Um. What? I thought it was important enough to make this rant a bit more accessible as time passes and immortalize it. Because for the love of Primus, how does this giant, metal being, look at a fleshy little blood-bag and think "My Primus, she's hot/sexy/etc." And blushes or does something that seems utterly out of character for such a . . . well, stoic being?

How.

How.

How?

I really, really, really, just DO NOT get it.

Now, I'm not saying that I haven't looked at a Cybertronian and gone "Son of a BITCH that is one hot metal-based dude," and had to refrain myself from pretty much drooling on the carpet. Some of these mechs . . . DAMN. But here's the thing:

Our society, as shallow and terrible as it is, sculpts and molds us to appreciate appearances and looks as something wonderful though horrible. And frankly, that's an entire rant in it's own right, but for another day, and probably another book.

Anyway, back to the present. And a comparison: Cybertronian society. What's it like? While I can't give a real, solid answer, other than they definitely had a thing for watching mechs kill each other in the Pits of Kaon, like Ancient Greece, I really doubt they had magazines, TV shows, advertisements, etc., saying "Look at this femme/mech, they're so sexy based on their body alone!"

Um. No. Just no. Even if they did, how would that carry from Cybertronian to human? It carries from human to Cybertronian quite well, but we don't have to worry about stepping on them and having their energon get on our shoes/peds! Big difference there. We're more like bugs to them than anything.

If I were a Cybertronian meeting a human for the first time, quite frankly, my first thought would probably be something along the lines of "Oh scrap, make a mental note not to step on the squishy thing. . . . Unless it gets on my nerves . . . But I'll warn them to knock it off first . . . Maybe . . ."

But hey, maybe I'm a crazy bitch. I dunno.

Another thing about Cybertronian culture: to them, things like (spark) bonding and interfacing are SACRED. These things aren't taken lightly. They're permanent. Serious. They don't just interface with someone they've known a night and move on the next morning. They take these things with heavy consideration.

Us? Well, compared to them, we're kind of a bunch of sleeze-bags. How often do we have one-night stands? How often do we have marriages that last less than a year? Six months? One month?

Too damn many.

Them? Well. As far as bonding, they don't get to just say "This isn't working out. Let's get a divorce!"

Nope. Once they're bonded, they're stuck until the bond burns itself out. If it was the same for humans, wouldn't we take it just as seriously?

I think it's ridiculous how these two vastly different cultures become more like the slutty human one and all of a sudden we have Cybertronians in fanfics jumping into relationships like it's no big thing.

"Yup, she's hot! I'm going to obsess over her until we finally hook up and have a happy-ever-after!"

Excuse me? Where'd this come from?

Because honestly, I can't remember where in the world this makes sense. I really can't. Is there some dreaded, dark corner of the Earth where these people just sit and make up these terrible appearance/interface/shallow-based fanfics just to torture the rest of us thinking "Oh, this looks like a good fanfic," only to later go "ABORT, ABORT. MISSION ABORT MY BRAIN IS MELTING!"

Seriously. Please. This is ridiculous. And torturous. And some of these are just flat-out painful to read. They really are.

Do your research if you're going to get involved in the Transfan universe.