Culture Shock

I'm staring at my phone, studying all the steps and directions I need to take to get to the cafe Taeyoung wants to meet at. I keep repeating the different street names, but they all kind of sound the same after a while.

What if I get on the wrong bus? Just the thought makes my throat clench in fear. I haven't dared use public transportation yet. Partly because I don't feel particularly excited to explore and also because everything I need is within walking distance.

Plus Seoul is a colossal giant in comparison to the relatively small city I'm from back home. There are people everywhere, at every corner, and the traffic seems to be non-stop. I haven't quite gotten used to the cityscape either. The immense amount of buildings and compact housing are a bit suffocating to me right now, but I know it's probably just culture shock. I'll get used to it. I hope.

My phone beeps, pulling me away from my bus route studies.

태영: 캠퍼스에 있어요?
[Are you on campus]?

소희: 네
[yes]

I lied, because really I'm sitting at the bus stop. I was planning on trying to find this cafe really early, just in case. It isn't far from the school gates though.

태영: meet me at the gate, we can head to the cafe together

I let out a big sigh, the puff of air that was suspended in my lungs. I had wanted to ask him if he could come with me before, but being the timid person I am—and especially at this moment in my life—I couldn't bring myself to do it.

So with a lighter conscience, I stand up from my seat and head back down the street. I lean against the wall once I reach the gate, playing with my phone case and observing people. I feel like such an outcast, I can't help but feel like I stand out like a sore thumb. People here stare quite a bit, and I learned that staring isn't seen as rude here like back home so I try not to think too much of it, but it's still unsettling. Do I really look that different? I've even been wearing darker clothes in an effort to camouflage.

"Sohee?"

My blank stare breaks as I finally notice the figure beside me.

"Oh sorry, I didn't see you," I mumble.

One side of his face twitches with a slight smile.

"Here," he hands me a particularly cute card with a bear on it, a character I see quite often around Korea. "You said you didn't have a T-money card yet."

"Oh, you didn't have to. I was going to buy one," my hands slightly wave in an effort to say it's not necessary, but he grabs them and places the card on my palm.

"Don't worry, it's cheap anyway. There's 10,000won on there. You can reload it at the subway station, or even CU and other convenience stores. I can show you how later."

"Thank you," I stare up at him, very grateful for his guidance but unsure of how to show it.

"Let's go." He pulls a fabricated smile before heading to the bus station, his hands in the pockets of his pants.

I softly follow him, staying back a bit, like a shadow.

He looks back at me. "Am I going too fast?"

"Huh? Oh no, sorry." My cheeks flush red and I stare at my feet as I jog up to him. Why am I so nervous? I can't even walk beside him without acting like an idiot.

Maybe it's because I keep thinking about the last time I was at his place, when I saw Minjun naked. You'd think seeing a bare man would be the part I'd focus on, but instead it's the way Taeyoung reacted. The way he pushed me against him like a shield. The way he got upset at his friend, like he was genuinely disturbed by me seeing him naked. But mostly the closeness of it all, so close I could smell his body wash and whatever other products he uses.

"It's here."

I snap back into reality as he walks up to the bus. He turns his body in a way that allows me to see what he does, he taps the card against something on the bus and it shows his balance. I do the same and watch as the numbers appear.

I follow Taeyoung to a seat on the bus, in the aisle. He's staring out the window. Unsure of what to say or do, I just watch the people on the bus. An elderly woman with a greying perm taps on her phone with one finger. Another old lady is asleep with her mouth open with an old man beside her, watching me as I stare. I quickly turn away, my upbringing of "staring is rude" overruling these new customs.

I look down at my lap, but the silence is deafening so I look around some more. A few high school girls talk with each other quietly. Girls my age are dressed up very differently than me, and I then realize that my attempts to "blend in" in fact may mean an entirely different thing in this country.

"Taey—"

"Sohee—"

We both turned to look at each other at the same time. He smiles and gestures for me to go first.

"Is it not normal to dress so casually here?" I hesitantly ask, referring to my black sweater and jeans.

"Uh, I guess you could say that. People dress up a lot when they leave the house. Koreans put a lot of importance on physical appearance." I nod in understanding, immediately regretting my choice. "But don't worry, I like your clothes."

"Really?" I say skeptically.

"Really. Dressing casually is cool, don't worry. It's becoming more popular."

I can't help but interpret that smile of his badly, like he's making fun of me as an adult would a naive child. I don't like not knowing these simply mundane details about the culture, things people don't really tell you.

Another thing I have to get used to—the lack of personal space. In Canada, personal bubbles are a sacred thing. It doesn't matter how many people are waiting for the bus, only so many will get inside if it's already full. Each person takes a handrail, not daring to stand so close as to touch the other. Of course, I've heard it's different in the city on busy mornings, but where I live, bubbles aren't popped.

It's a different story here. There is no concept of a personal bubble, as I've had to learn. Like now, as the bus grows busy, people smash in like canned sardines, with no looks of awkwardness or uncomfortable gazes. It's normal. But it still isn't to me. A guy is basically leaning over me, a girl's bag is almost on my lap, and I can't even see out the other side of the bus.

I coil into myself a bit, wondering if I'll ever get used to this.

"Sohee?"

"Hmm?" I look at him with questionable eyes.

"Let's switch." He says this just as the bus hits a bump and the guy breathing on top of me hits my head.

Another thing. Sometimes people don't say sorry. I'm way too used to Canadians saying sorry all the time, even when it wasn't their doing.

"Get up," Taeyoung says rather sternly. He awkwardly stands and holds onto my arm. I scuttle over, momentarily brushing against his torso as I move to the window seat.

I already feel much better, like I can breathe more all of a sudden.

"Thank you," I say to him with a small smile.

"I know you aren't used to it," he says quickly while rubbing his neck.

I can't help but smile the rest of the ride. I survive the bus ride, my very first so far, and we're back out on the streets, covered in the sun's light.

"This is a busy area, so try to stay close."

He isn't looking at me when he says this, but I notice his ears reddening.

I quickly notice that he's right. Myeongdong—this part of the city—is infested with mostly tourists. Everywhere I look I hear different languages—mostly Mandarin and Japanese. I thought Hongdae at night was as busy as it would get in Seoul, but I was clearly wrong.

We pass by a small street lined with street food carts. Dodging people who abruptly stop in the middle of walking is hard to get used to and causes me to trail behind Taeyoung like that time before.

I'm suddenly startled by a deep, guttural sound from right beside me, so much so that I reach forward to clutch Taeyoung's arm, so naturally, as if by habit.

The source of the noise is an old man, who then spits onto the sidewalk. I've seen this happen before, but not so closely, and it causes me to lightly push into Taeyoung. I know he's staring down at me, but I'm too humiliated to look back.

"아 귀엽다, 어떡해? [ah cute, what do I do?]" Taeyoung says this to himself, unknowing that I learned these simple words the other day. I look up at him and let go of his arm.

"죄송합니다 [sorry]," I say to him with a lowered head. I realize then that I spoke too formally, but he doesn't correct me this time like he usually does.

"It's okay. I guess people don't spit in Canada," he begins to chuckle.

"Not, not in public like that. And that loudly..."

His eyes crinkle at the sides as he laughs at me. I can feel myself pout as I grow annoyed.

"Don't laugh at me," I mumble.

"It's just cute, to see you experience all of these things I don't think twice about."

Cute. Now he's said it in both languages.

"Come on," his hand clutches mine and I startle, "the cafe is past this busy street." I guess after sleeping on top of each other a little hand holding isn't so bad.

I see the mass of people slowly trail off near the end of the road, but it only gets worse before it gets better. Feeling brave, I tighten my grip on his hand. I try not to focus on how nice it feels to have his warm hand engulf mine, but it's admittedly difficult.

He leads the way through the crowd, and I just follow, saying sorry way too much, especially since people don't seem to mind.

"Why is this cafe so important by the way?" I ask above the noise around us.

I'm taken aback when he turns his head to look at me. He has one of those faces that continuously shocks you. There's something so unique about it that moves beyond just an attractive face.

"They have the best cheesecake there," he says with the brightest smile I've seen so far.

I nod my head and continue to squeeze through people. The line in the cafe is huge, but Taeyoung seems to be excited now, and he's smiling more than ever.

The cheesecake really ends up being amazing. I don't even know if I'd call it cheesecake, as it tastes so different from what I know back home. It's light and fluffy, basically melting in my mouth.

After the dessert Taeyoung tries to teach me different food words and how to order for myself. He makes me order a drink on my own, all in Korean and without pointing at the pictures like I usually do. I constantly turn back to look at him, as if to get reassurance, and he shoots me a thumbs up each time.

By the end of the day, it becomes all too clear that I have a massive crush on this guy.

. . .

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Love,

Sooaura