Father

It's the end of the day now. Taeyoung is sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall with me between his legs. His hand mindlessly strokes my hair as we chat.

"You have been getting your period regularly, right?" He asks me this for the third time now.

"Yes you idiot. We haven't even had sex that much."

"Okay, okay, just making sure," he chuckles.

"Who's that?" I ask while pointing to a photo collage beside his bed. He picks up the large frame.

"Which one?"

I point to the specific photo, which has a young Taeyoung, about thirteen, next to another boy. This other boy is shorter but looks more mature than Taeyoung. His skin blinds in paleness beside the tanned Taeyoung, and his eyes give him an intimidating vibe.

"Oh," a smile grows on his face. "That's my old neighbour and sunbae."

"You two look close."

"We were. He was a bit older than me but never looked down on me. We lived close together so we naturally became friends. Sometimes I still call him up for advice on my music. He always had great taste in music."

"I see." I stare at the photo a bit longer. I take in the cute uniforms, something that I never got the chance to experience.

"You were a cute kid," I say while looking at the other photos in the collage. He has the same exact face, equipped with those sweet eyes and that goofy grin. The only thing that seemed to change was his size.

I put the photo back down and turn over so that I'm facing Taeyoung. I smile at him, taking in his facial features. I tap on his lips with my finger and move a bit closer. My eyes flicker from his mouth to his sparkling eyes, my smile growing even wider as he begins to grin back. Then he quickly pecks my lips. I laugh a bit in response and he pecks me again. He does this again and again, getting faster each time. I start full-blown giggling as he attacks my mouth, sitting upwards and threatening to make me fall backwards onto the bed as he chuckles against my lips. Eventually, I do fall back and he comes over top of me with a hand on each side of me.

His funny smile matches the mischief in his eyes, but the expression changes within seconds. He comes down slowly this time, kissing me deeply. I groan against his mouth as I try to push him back.

"Stop—" I get out before his lips come over mine again. He moans against me and I start to kick my legs around. He finally leaves my lips, an annoyed look on his face.

"No. No making out at your parent's house," I say sternly.

"Why?" He pouts.

"That's inappropriate."

"No, it's not. It's a natural part of life Sohee."

"What's up with you and initiating this stuff in situations where we can get caught?"

"What do you mean?" I smirk forms on his lips.

"You're so bad," I laugh as I sit upwards and grab onto his face.

"I'll be a good boy, I promise," he pouts at me now like a little child.

"Sure—" and just like that he grabs onto me and falls onto his back, bringing me down with him. I can't help but squeal and laugh at his playfulness.

"Taeyoung," I say in a high and melodic voice.

"Yes my baby," he responds with a glowing smile as he holds my face.

"Hey, don't do that," I whine as he squishes my cheeks.

"Baby Sohee must have had chubby cheeks hmm? Just like now," he coos as he moves my face back and forth with his hands. I frown at him as he baby-talks to me, but it just heightens his ridiculousness.

"Aw my baby Sohee is so cute when she's mad. What a little peanut," his lips are pursed as he speaks now, his words harder to understand as he talks as though I'm a puppy.

I grab his wrists and pull his hands away from my face. He finally gives up, but a silly smile stays on his face. He looks so happy, a complete change from the cold and distant man he was months ago.

We end up lying down for a while in silence.

"Sohee?" He asks.

"Yeah?"

"What were your Christmases like? It must have been very different since it's a big deal for Westerners right?"

The feathery feelings of love that were making my heart sore moments ago vanish into thin air. I feel a giant lump form in my throat, cutting against me like a block of ice.

Someone knocks on the door. I sit up, my face still feeling numb.

"Taeyoung?" The door softly opens and to our surprise, his dad's face pokes in. "Can we talk, please?"

Taeyoung looks a bit worried as he nods his head. He hesitantly gets off the bed and turns to look at me once, as if he's still wondering about his question, but then he turns back and I'm left alone.

I go to the bathroom to wash my face, then I put on my pyjamas and crawl into the small bed. The room is dark, but my eyes remain open, staring at the ceiling above me. I'm not thinking about anything, instead my mind feels numb and I can hear a loud buzzing in my ears. I know this isn't good, I know my brain is purposely blocking thoughts about my mother to protect me, and yet I don't have the will to fix it. Instead, I've become obsessed with being around Taeyoung, since he takes all those memories away and replaces them with new ones. When I'm alone, I grow scared of my wandering mind.

After a while of staring at nothing, the door opens. I look towards the door and recognize Taeyoung's figure. He changes in the dark, and walks over to the bed. He sits on the edge of it for a while, too long. I begin to wonder what their chat was about. I sit-up slowly and put my hand on his shoulder. His body shakes from my touch.

"Oh, I thought you were asleep." His voice sounds distant.

"What's wrong?" I ask him. I turn so that I can get a better look at his face. Even in the darkness his eyes shine brightly.

"Oppa, why are you crying?" I scoot beside him abruptly as my worry grows.

"It's nothing," he laughs a bit before sniffling. I wrap my arms around his body and lay my chin on his shoulder.

"Tell me."

"I just wasn't expecting that I guess." I wait for him to continue. "My father and I have been on bad terms ever since I left to Seoul and went against his wishes of going into the medical field." He sniffles again and wipes his eyes with his arm.

"I'd just gotten used to him ignoring me. I thought he was going to yell at me. But he didn't." I feel his shoulders tremble a bit and hold onto him tighter.

"He cried. He started crying. I've never seen my father cry—" he hiccups. "He apologized. He said he witnessed his best friend go through the sudden death of his son, and it made him realize how precious time is. He's sorry for wasting this time on being mad at me."

"That's good that he apologized." I rub my hand in circles on his back. He just nods his head as he stares at the floor.

"I want to prove it to him, that I can live a good life doing what I love. I want to show him."

"And you will, I'm sure of it."

"You think so?" The look in his eyes is so vulnerable as he asks me. While he often puts up a tough exterior, he's really quite soft.

"Of course," I respond. Eventually, he lies down. I keep my arms around him as we drift off into sleep.

. . .

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Love,

Sooaura