Hongdae

I've been staring at my phone for much too long, lips pressed together in uncertainty.

Can you meet again today at 2?

As much as I should accept Taeyoung's offer—learning the language I am so overwhelmingly surrounded by is a good idea—the memory of last time still makes my cheeks burn.

Why couldn't it have been a girl? Or a guy that I don't find attractive? His face seems like one that belongs on the ads I see around Korea—on the side of city buses, on posters at the convenience store windows, and even promoting very feminine, pink makeup brands. There is no lack of attractive korean men in the marketing here, and also vice versa. Beautiful k-pop girls promote soju? It baffles me to see how much Koreans love alcohol, and not just the students surrounding campus.

But before I can talk myself into making an excuse, my fingers type an okay.

I sigh to myself, unsure of what I've set myself up for.

Hours later I'm standing on a sidewalk, dodging the eyes of the people who walk by, waiting for the mystery that is Taeyoung. He arrives without even giving me a reassuring smile.

"Let's walk a bit today."

So we do. He seems to be quizzing me on Hangul, which makes me incredibly embarrassed every time someone walks by. The only positive commentary he gives me is that my rieul pronouncing is now at least comprehensible. How reassuring.

I can't help but feel overly self-conscious in every way; of how loud my voice is, of how I'm walking, of where I'm looking, how often should I turn my head to look at him? How long is too long when it comes to looking someone in the eyes? How much distance should I keep between us? These spiralling thoughts just make it harder to converse with him. They even cause me to lightly trip over a crack in the sidewalk. I recover quickly though, it's not like tripping over nothing is something new to me.

Taeyoung slightly pauses though, catching my slip.

"You alright?"

"Hmm?" I raise my eyebrows and finally look over at him. "Oh yeah, fine." I look away, those few seconds being enough to make my cheeks burn with fury.

He suddenly stops drilling me with Hangul questions. I can feel his eyes analyzing me, but I force my gaze forward. My heart feels like its climbing up my chest and I don't know what to do with my hands. I decide to take out my phone from my pocket and just hold it with both hands.

"This is the main area of Hongdae. It's always busy, even more on the weekends."

I watch as young people with impeccable and unique fashions walk from every direction possible. There are suddenly many makeup shops and small clothing stores. Tables with things like jewelry and small accessories pop up. A street opens up to a peculiar road. Instead of cars, it's flooded with people, and I become aware of booming noise behind the camouflaged chatter.

Curiosity chases after me as I take slow steps towards a crowd, head turning every which way in order to sneak a peek behind everyone. Taeyoung slows his steps, seemingly observing my reaction to whatever is behind the wall of bodies.

Finally I get brave enough to just go up against the crowd. Pushing up onto my toes, I crane my neck and finally see what the commotion is.

A group of three guys are dancing to what sounds like a Korean pop song. Their clothes are brightly coloured and trendy, their faces adorning careful makeup. While they don't possess the aura or confidence of a celebrity, they hit the moves pretty well. Then again, what do I know about dancing?

"This is Hongdae." Taeyoung's voice makes itself known behind me. "At every hour of the day you may find someone singing or dancing."

"Are they always good like this? Are they professionals?"

"Mm, no. Some are pretty bad. But it takes nerve to do this so people cheer them on anyway. Some nights though you really might find a professional or smaller celebrity here."

My eyes are fixated on the dancers and the crowd behind them—a unique mixture of many Koreans but also quite a few foreigners.

"I could never," I say softly.

I feel Taeyoung's presence behind me for a while before he turns away.

"Come on, let's eat something."

I tear my eyes away and follow after him. Following proves to get difficult. As the sun slowly sets more and more young people seem to emerge from their hiding spots. I give up on walking beside Taeyoung once I'm side-checked for the third time and follow right behind him.

He seems to not notice until he casually looks beside him, only to somewhat frantically turn his head back and forth.

"I'm here," I say as I peek around him. My hands get a mind of their own and touch his jacket covered arm. The touch seems to make him flinch and he turns around swiftly.

"Why are you back there?" His eyebrows are furrowed.

"It's really crowded, people are kinda trampling me a bit."

"You need to get used to walking through crowds." He turns back around but doesn't come beside me. So I just continue to trail right behind him.

He suddenly turns into a restaurant and my invisible tether attached to his back snaps as someone walks through it. I hold myself back as they pass and quickly follow Taeyoung.

"Do you like chicken?" He asks despite already heading towards a table.

Like a routine now, I follow right behind. "Yeah."

This guy is starting to get on my nerves. If he's going to be so standoffish why is he always the one to initiate our meetings? I can't help but feel a bit pouty as I sit down. I stare at the wooden table, beginning to regret agreeing to do this.

It's quiet for a moment.

"You alright?" He asks as he leans his head down to try and look at my face. I wipe the pout away and fake a smile.

"Yes! Maybe just hungry."

He seems to believe me and orders the food. Then once again he starts to teach me, making me say food words in korean aloud.

I'm all too grateful when that platter of fried chicken finally does arrive. I can't help but sigh in relief as Taeyoung is finally distracted. Then I see a giant bottle of beer placed in front of me and begin to worry. I stutter over some non-existent words I can't quite reach.

"치맥, a mix of the words chicken and beer. In Korea this is very popular, Koreans love chicken and beer." He says all this while swiftly popping the bottle open. "Do you drink?"

A slew of contradicting thoughts flow into my brain. Not really? But beer has never killed me. But do you really want to drink with this dude? Then again it may help me loosen up. But what if I get drunk? Off of half a bottle?! Not like it hasn't happened before.

He stares blankly at me, and after the long lack of response, decides to pour the beer in my cup anyway.

I finally say "sure." He just lightly smirks in amusement.

"Don't drink if you don't want to. I don't drink much anyway myself."

His words are surprisingly kind and reassuring. I decide on sipping through the beer, even if it does make me grimace a bit—the taste just really doesn't get along with me—and every time I do I catch Taeyoung hold back his laughter.

Maybe this is why he asks to meet up. My embarrassing nature seems to amuse him.

The chicken is absolutely divine, but definitely messy as I try to eat it with the one glove the waitress brought me. The beer becomes easier to throw down my throat, but Taeyoung fills me up a cup of water as well.

By the time the meal is finished I do feel a bit better. Taeyoung has seemed to soften up a bit and has finally stopped constantly quizzing me. After a few generic questions about how I'm liking Korea so far and what Canada is like, he gets up to pay the bill.

"Taeyoung, wait, lets split." I once again trail after him as he approaches the worker at the cash machine.

"No, it's okay. It's your first meal off campus right?"

His deep eyes focus in on mine so intently. All I can do is nod.

"Don't worry about it."

So I try not to.

***

The night welcomes us now as we walk outside. People are for the most part intoxicated absolutely everywhere and it's a big shocker. Public intoxication is not something I can say I'm used to—especially seeing people blatantly holding bottles of beer and soju. No need to hide your alcohol in a country that consumes it the most I guess.

I do my best to navigate through the crowds but the little beer I did have renders my legs less capable. My strides are now half the length they usually are and when people bump into me it takes a lot of energy to stop myself from falling over.

Taeyoung turns to look at me every now and then—a somewhat concerned and annoyed look on his face. I watch in shock as he puts his arm in front of me, like a shield, and somehow blocks every drunken person that is threatening to come into contact with me. I'm not sure what to do or say in return, so I just walk quietly.

I feel relieved when we leave the bustling busking area and return to normal streets. The walk back to campus is quiet but strangely peaceful. It's as if we don't need conversation to learn more about each other. Even just walking side by side in silence makes me feel like I'm learning something about him.

What is it that I'm learning? I'm still not sure yet.

. . .

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Love,

Sooaura