Embarrassment

I had fallen asleep relatively quickly, despite being in a foreign bed. The events of the day had clearly exhausted me. But now it is 3:45 AM. I have woken up and can't fall back asleep. I'm laying on my back, eyes staring at the dark ceiling, listening to the rain that is still pounding against the window.

The room is hotter than I'm used to, since the air conditioner is just a simple split air conditioner on the wall. I've had to push the sheets off me, despite only wearing a shirt, bra, and underwear. Speaking of sheets, I can smell him. The sheets around me, they smell of him. His pillow does too. He smells so good.

These thoughts make my cheeks heat up. Soon enough I get out of bed, forcing myself to get away from his smell.

Get yourself together Summer.

The glass of water by the bed is empty, I had drunk it all before falling asleep. Unsure of what to do and dead set in not going back into that bed, I grab the cup and quietly open the door. I walk as slyly as I can to the kitchen. It's pitch black, so I use my feet to feel the ground in front of me before stepping. My eyes are open wide as if that'll help me see.

It doesn't.

I feel the kitchen island, my hand running across the cold surface. I'm about to reach the sink, or I think I'm about to when I hit my hip hard against the corner of the island.

"Shit!" I scream-whisper, the cup falling onto the counter.

Luckily the cup is plastic and makes little noise. My hip, however, is burning like a bitch and it takes all my strength to hold in my screams.

I feel a hand grab onto my shoulder and I turn around so quickly that my hand, which somehow managed to form a fist, hits whoever it is in the stomach, pretty hard.

"Oof—" The unidentified person clenches their stomach, leaning forward and hand holding onto the counter behind me.

I freak out once I realize that it's Taeyoung, his skin glistening from the shine of the city lights outside the windows.

Why am I always injuring him?

"Taeyoung! I'm sorry!" I stutter, putting my hands on my hot cheeks.

"It's okay." The words come out pained, making me laugh a bit. He looks up at me.

"Not funny."

My smile immediately disappears. "Sorry."

Now he smiles at me, shaking his head. "Why are you awake?" He asks.

"I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep."

Because all I could smell was you. And here I am, smelling you even more.

"Did you want more water?"

I nod, and even though it's probably too dark to see me, he grabs the cup, takes a water bottle from the fridge, and fills it up. I silently drink from it.

"Why are you awake? Did I wake you up?" I immediately feel guilt climb up my spine.

"No, I was already awake when I heard you."

"Oh..." I take another sip. The cup is now empty and we awkwardly stand still, looking around the dark room. "Is it okay if I sit with you for a bit?"

I don't know who said that but I swear it wasn't a sober me. Maybe my exhaustion is giving me drunken symptoms.

"Sure," he replies.

He begins walking towards the couch, or I think he is. I begin to drag my feet in front of me again, arms out in front. I hear Taeyoung chuckle, and then I feel the warmth of his hand, big with long fingers weaving through mine.

He leads me through the darkness.

This is nice. The feel of his hand around mine. It feels right.

He let's go once we reach the couch. We both sit down, facing the uncovered windows. The silence is awkward. Taeyoung drapes the blanket that was here over our legs. I then realize that he probably did that to cover my legs, my bare legs.

What do I say?

"What does 오빠 [oppa] mean?" I try to fill the void of silence, remembering Minjun's arrogant face in the bathroom.

Taeyoung turns to look at me, whites of his eyes glowing.

"뭐 [what]?" He seems to be in surprise.

"Oppa, Minjun was saying that word."

"Oh... In Korea, there are honorifics that we use when addressing others. Like I would call an older guy 형 [hyung], meaning older brother. Or I'd call an older girl 누나 [noona], meaning older sister. Those words only work if the person isn't that much older than you. Please never call an old man oppa." He visibly cringes at the last sentence. "Oppa is what girls call older guys," he continues. "언니 [eonni] is what they call older girls."

"Oh," I reply. People call each other brother and sister here? That's kinda cute.

I pause for a bit before asking, "How old are you?"

"22 later this year," he says. So he's older. I wonder if the others are the same age. I remember Junwoo calling Taeyoung hyung many times, so I guess he's younger. Maybe he's my age?

"You're older than me. So I call you oppa?"

Even in the moonlit darkness, I can see his ears turn red.

What did I say? Did I pronounce it wrong?

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

Why wouldn't I want to?

"Aren't you suppose to though? Out of respect?" My face puzzles.

He clears his throat. "Well, girls often call their boyfriends oppa as a pet name."

"Oh..." I immediately turn red in the face.

"But it's normal to call close guy friends oppa too."

Right. We aren't friends. Are we?

I pause, not wanting to let out the words but doing so anyway. Something about the darkness makes me feel more confident.

"Are we friends?" I ask rather innocently like a child would.

He looks at me. We stare at each other for a while. Finally, he says, "If you want to be." He softly smiles at me, a smile that also softens the look in his eyes.

"I think I'd like that," I reply.

"Okay," the sweet little smile grows on his face.

"Why is your English so good? I mean, your pronunciation is so good and so is your grammar." This is the time for me to ask all of my questions. I want to finally learn more about this boy.

"My mother lived in America for a long time, and she taught me English. She put me in English classes as a kid too where we had a foreign teacher, and made me read a lot of English books growing up. I guess I picked up a bit of the accent too."

Ah that makes sense. So he's never actually lived abroad then.

"Can I ask why you came to Korea?" He asks.

My body stiffens. I want to tell him, but I'm not ready to talk about this to anyone. I can rarely bring it up to myself.

"Let's just say I didn't want to come," I mumble out the words and turn my head downwards.

"Okay. You don't have to tell me now, but I'll listen when you're ready."

Why is he so sweet?

I look up at his sincere face.

Why is he so handsome?

I wish I could touch him, graze my fingers against his cheek. But I hold myself back. I've only just learned how old the guy is, I need to take things slow. Besides, he's the first good friend I've made in this country, I need to keep him on my good side.

Taeyoung grabs a remote control from the coffee table in front of us and turns on the small tv. Then we end up watching some crime show, volume too quiet for us to hear, not that I'd understand anyway. During some confusing moments, Taeyoung explains what's happening. But all the while, all I can really focus on is his hand, lying next to his body, just next to my own hand. All I can smell is him, that smell that I can't pinpoint. It's not sweet, but it's warm and inviting, also a bit musky. I never knew what musk smelt like, but I imagine this is it.

I can feel my eyelids droop down over my irises, getting heavier and heavier. My neck has a hard time holding my head up now, and my body is unattractively slouched.

I feel my head rest on his shoulder, but by the time I'm able to comprehend this, I'm out like a light.

***

The sun shines treacherously bright, even with my eyelids closed. I'm barely awake, but I feel something slowly move beneath me. When my eyelids are able to lift up over my eyes, I see Taeyoung beneath me, and Junwoo tickling his nose with a sock. He's beneath me.

Wait.

My eyes open wide in shock. They soon meet with Taeyoung, who is looking at me sleepily before also opening his eyes wide in bewilderment. I'm half on top of the boy, cradled between the back of the couch and him with my body facing him. My arm is over his chest, head on the nook of his armpit, his arm around my neck and shoulders, and one of my legs even over his own.

I was hugging him, in my sleep.

I can't even begin to describe the terror I feel. I abruptly sit up and Taeyoung does the same, but he ends up tumbling off the couch and onto the floor.

I look down at him, "Are you okay?"

He sits up slowly, rubbing his shoulder. That's when I hear the ruckus behind us. Junwoo and now Minjun are both hysterically laughing at us, sock still in Junwoo's hand. My face turns beet red, and when I look at Taeyoung, his ears are almost purple.

Cute, his face doesn't blush but his ears do.

Minjun begins interrogating Taeyoung. Taeyoung gets up, brushing off whatever Minjun is saying and pushing Junwoo, who is whipping the sock at his face. Still smirking, Minjun comes over to where I am and offers his hand.

"Have a nice sleep?" He says, tone dripping with mischief. His eyes move down my body, and I gasp when I realize my legs are on full display, underwear almost even showing. I stand up, hitting Minjun's outstretched hand, and I run to Taeyoung's bedroom. Minjun's hearty laugh could likely be heard from outside.

When I reach his room I sit on the bed, dropping my head into my hands.

What have I done? I was practically cuddling the guy! And my legs, they all saw me without god damn pants on!

I moan in despair, wondering how I'm gonna leave this room and face them all.

The door opens and a dishevelled Taeyoung walks in, closing the door behind him.

"I'm sorry," I say, putting my face back down into my arms.

"Why?"

"For falling asleep. On you."

"I fell asleep too, it's not your fault. Don't worry about it, they're just playing around."

I can't deal with this embarrassment right now.

"What time is it?" I groan into my arms.

"Uh, it's 8:15."

"What?" I raise my head.

"8:15," he says slowly.

My eyes widen. "I have class in 15 minutes!" I absolutely freak out, running all over the place looking for my things. Taeyoung hands me my pants from yesterday, still damp.

"You can keep the shirt on, your's is still a bit wet."

I don't respond, I just drag my pants over my legs at lightning speed, not even caring that Taeyoung is literally just watching me get dressed.

I don't have time to worry about the embarrassment I am. Professors actually take attendance here as part of your grade, unlike back home in Canada. Why the hell would professors take attendance?!

Once my pants are on and I've grabbed my glasses and bag, I literally zoom right out that door, waving a brisk hand out past the dumbstruck faces of all three boys before slipping my shoes on without tying the laces. And just like that, I'm gone.

While I run down the street and through the university gates I think to myself, events of the past day repeating in my head.

I don't know if I want to forget this past 24 hours, or if I want to live it all over again.

. . .

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Love,

Sooaura