"Do you th-th-think she'll like the bracelet?" Kevin asked me, snapping me out of my gloomy thoughts.

We were on our way to my best friend Sarah Decker's eighteenth birthday party, but I kept dwelling on the incident with Blake.

"Definitely, and even if she doesn't, you know what they say: the best gifts come from the heart. I'm sure she'll love it."

She would definitely love it because she was someone who valued sentiments over material things, and she was the kindest girl I'd ever met. I owed her a lot because she'd always stayed by my side and stuck up for me no matter what, starting with that "welcome party" six months earlier.

I'd always considered myself weak—always resorting to tears and ditching others if it meant saving myself. I felt inferior next to Sarah, but I could never tell her that. I could never tell her I felt even more ashamed of myself when I was around her, so sure no one could ever need me, for how could anyone need a dead weight like me?

Sar never criticized me for being a coward. She never confronted me for bailing on her instead of fighting back against our bullies. She was the girl I admired most because even with all the bullying and difficulties she experienced in her life, she was strong and she kept going. I aspired to be like her, but it wasn't that easy.

I stopped at the red traffic light and looked at Kev. Ironically, I'd met Kev during another "welcome party"—the one Blake, Masen Brown, and their football teammates threw for him. It was as humiliating as mine with the students circling him and throwing food at him, until Sarah and I intervened and helped him get out of the cafeteria.

Kev and I had grown close in record time, especially because I saw my own weaknesses in him. He reminded me of myself—shy, insecure, plagued by the feeling of inferiority—which was all the more reason why I wanted to get stronger and be there for him. I learned through Sarah what it meant to fight for friends, and I wanted to fight for Kev. He also had a passion for music and sang in the choir, and it was cool to finally have someone who could fully understand how much music meant to me.

I flashed him a smile. "That new shirt suits you." The elegant black shirt he wore was a far cry from his usual tartan plaid shirts that swallowed his rawboned 6'3" build.

He blushed. "Th-Th-Thanks. My mom bought it for me. I didn't want to wear it, b-b-but she insisted."

"Your mom has a good taste."

"But I don't like it."

"I get you. My mom also likes to surprise me with new clothes I don't always like." I accelerated when the light turned green. "Still, you look good. I'm sure chicks will dig you tonight." I winked at him. "And guys."

He crossed his arms over his chest and remained silent, letting me know once again how touchy this topic was for him.

Kevin was bisexual, and he'd been struggling to accept his sexuality for years. He'd realized he also liked boys when one boy told him he had pretty blue eyes in third grade, and he had a crush on that boy for a long time. His classmates picked on him for it, making him ashamed of something no one should ever be ashamed of. Nine years later, he was still confused about his emotions.

There was another reason why Kev didn't want to talk about guys or crushes, and that was because he crushed on both Sarah's boyfriend, Hayden, and me. It was beyond awkward, and sometimes, I didn't know how to act or what to say, hoping he would crush on someone else who would be able to reciprocate his feelings. And to think that Blake thought there was something between Kevin and me. If only he knew.

"Wow. The party is already in full swing," Kev said when we reached Hayden's house.

I shifted my car into park at the end of a long row of vehicles that clogged the driveway. The addictive beat of the music blared through the walls, filling me with energy and euphoria. It was a given that I loved everything that had to do with music, which was one of the reasons why I enjoyed parties. There was nothing better than loud heavy-bass songs that sent my blood rushing through my veins and set my body on fire. That was freedom.

"Let's not forget Sar's gift." I grabbed the silver bracelet with flower charms wrapped in silver decorative paper from the glovebox and stepped outside.

"It's cold," he said as he wrapped his arms around himself, despite his thick winter jacket. I, on the other hand, wasn't fazed by the cold, even though I wore a tight-fitting dress that hardly reached mid-thigh and a short coat. I was willing to bet it was because of my excess fat, which hugged me and kept me warm most of the time.

My high heels clicked on the pavement as we approached the house, my anxiety returning in full force because I would see Blake. He was inside and most likely hooking up with some model-worthy girl, and I didn't doubt he would do something to make me regret coming to my best friend's party.

I rang the bell and adjusted the strap of my purse higher on my shoulder. "How do I look?"

"You look p-p-perfect." Aww. He was such a precious cinnamon roll.

"Don't you think I look fat in this dress?"

He shook his head vigorously and pushed his glasses up his nose. "No! You aren't fat at, at, at all, Jess."

A certain person would beg to differ, but it was sweet of Kev to make me feel better about my looks. "Thanks. You look good too. Your hair looks good slicked back like that."

The door opened before he could answer me, and Sarah appeared before us.

"Happy birthday!" I squealed and wound my arms around her skinny frame to pull her into my embrace.

She hugged me back. "Thank you, Jess. You smell nice. Is that a new perfume?"

"It's my mom's. Chanel No. 5." I drew away to look at her with a grin.

She looked gorgeous in a dress that was similar to mine, only hers was blue while mine was burgundy. It emphasized her slim waist and perfectly proportioned hips, which I would never be able to have. All I had was the flab on my waist that I was clearly flashing to the world in this daring dress, although my mom had assured me I was beautiful. I also didn't fail to notice how her long legs looked even longer in high heels. My short, tree-trunk-like legs would never—not in a million years—look as good as hers.

I always envied Sar for the way she looked and wished I could be so effortlessly thin. My therapist had said all of us were unique and I should appreciate what I had, but it was hard not to compare myself to others.

"You look amazing, Sar," I told her. "That's a killer dress."

"I could say the same. Everyone will be drooling over you."

Everyone but the person I want to, my treacherous mind chimed in, but I refused to listen to it.

"Happy b-birthday, Sar," Kev said with a goofy smile as he hugged her.

"Thank you, Kevin. That shirt suits you."

His eyebrows furrowed. "I don't like it. I'm only wearing it b-b-because my mom b-bought it and wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Seriously, you look good in it."

"This is from Kev, Mel, and me." I handed her the gift.

Her brown eyes turned soft, and her pink glossy lips curved in a huge smile. "Thank you so much, guys. Now let's get inside before we freeze to death."

Kev and I linked our arms and entered. The hallway was packed with teenagers, and the sounds of "Ink" by Coldplay played by a live band boomed all around. We left our jackets in the entryway closet and followed Sar through the throngs of people to the living room. I couldn't stop grinning, elated by the music encompassing me. Nothing could beat the way I felt when I listened to the music I liked. It was an unlimited source of inspiration.

The large living room was even more packed and filled with cigarette smoke that stung my eyes. The band played in the corner, while most of the people danced in the middle of the room.

"Jess! Kevin! My dear babies!" Mel emerged out of the dancing crowd with a red Solo cup in her hand. "I was beginning to think aliens had finally come to our precious planet and abducted you. You took forever to get here!"

I giggled and let her pull me into an almost suffocating hug. Melissa Brooks, my other best friend, was as witty and childish as ever.

"I'm sure you'd cross the whole galaxy to save us. Also, if you keep hugging me like this, you'll squash me. Although, I wouldn't mind it if it would cut my weight in half."

"Girl, you don't need that. You're perfect just the way you are." Mel singsonged a melody of her own, shaking her curvy hips as she pulled away from me. She looked amazing in a gray Green Day shirt, black faux-leather leggings, and Doc Martens with a rose pattern on the sides.

Sar rolled her eyes. "Mel is already drunk, so don't mind her."

"Maybe I'm drunk, but that only means double awesomeness." Kevin and I fell into a fit of chuckles at that.

"That's true," Kev said. "It's like awesomeness is your s-s-superpower."

"You bet it is! Superman got nothing on me!"

My skin tingled with strange awareness, and I looked around us, my pulse picking up. I always reacted this way whenever Blake was nearby, but before, it was out of pure fear. Now? Now it was because of something I refused to acknowledge and fiercely hoped would disappear. I could almost feel his eyes on me, expecting to see him any moment, but I found Hayden Black's gaze instead. He was headed our way.

He looked handsome in a dark gray T-shirt and jeans that fit his muscular form very well, demonstrating why he was considered one of the most attractive and popular guys at school. A few scars dotted his face—most of them a memento of the night he left the gang—but they did nothing to diminish his good looks. My eyes went to the tattooed words and various small shapes decorating his upper arms. They intrigued me, but I'd never asked Sar about their meanings because I guessed they were too personal.

I was curious whether Blake had any tattoos, though there were hundreds of reasons why I shouldn't have been interested in that. I looked around Hayden, but Blake was nowhere in sight.

He stopped next to Sarah and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her against him. "Hey, Jessica."

"Hey," I said as I smiled at Sar, who was positively glowing next to him. She wore a radiant smile that spoke volumes about how happy Hayden made her feel. It was touching, even more so after everything they had gone through together. She'd rarely smiled when I first met her, but these days she couldn't keep a smile off her face.

Hayden nodded at Kev. "Burks."

Kevin blushed, his eyes downcast. "Hello, Hayden." Melissa and Sarah glanced at each other.

Even after two months, Kev was still shy around Hayden. It was painfully obvious to everyone how much he was attracted to him.

Hoping to erase the awkwardness hanging in the air, I said, "This band sounds amazing."

"Yeah," Hayden said. "They're Hawks and Roses. They have a YouTube channel where they post their original songs and covers. Their debut album comes out at the end of this year."

My heart gave a flutter. I also had a YouTube channel with covers and my own songs, and I hoped to release my own album one day. I had yet to show myself in my videos because I wasn't confident enough to do that, using watercolor pictures as backgrounds.

"Okay, let's get you something to drink," Sarah said, leading us to a table with Jell-O shots and other alcohol.

Kev and I grinned at each other as we took shots. "Cheers," I said, throwing mine down.

Just as I reached for another one, I spotted Blake on the other side of the room, and my breath hitched in my throat. He sat on the couch with a girl on his lap. She leaned toward his ear to tell him something, but he wasn't paying attention to her. Instead, he was looking directly at me.

I gripped the shot in my hand, growing insecure under his stare. Even with the distance separating us, I could clearly see those cold, cold eyes tracing each part of my body, and I felt naked. I felt like he was stripping me, leaving me with nothing but heat and insecurity. He did this on purpose. He did this to intimidate me since there was no way he would look at me like this because he was attracted to me.

He most definitely found me fat, and I could just imagine the kind of thoughts going through his head. I could bet he was laughing internally at me.

"Today, you messed up big time, Fats, and now? Now it's payback time."

His words played in my mind on repeat; I was sure he already had his next humiliation planned. All I wanted was to have fun tonight, but I remembered very well what had happened the last time Blake and I were at the same party, which was on New Year's Eve. It had ended badly.

I downed the second shot and told myself to ignore him and make the most of the moment. These shots better start working fast.

Kev and I had another one before we went to dance with Mel. I felt Blake's eyes following me, but I refused to look his way, growing hotter and extremely self-conscious.

My determination didn't last long. As Kev spun me around, something drew my gaze to Blake, and our eyes met. They met again and again, until the alcohol kicked in and everyone and everything else blurred, the world becoming a mixture of excitement and joy.

***************

It was way after midnight, and I was way drunk. Mel was telling me something as she twirled me around, but I couldn't make it out. I couldn't make out anything, and my vision was too blurry. I wondered if Kev's glasses could make me see any better.

I reached for them and tried to put them on, but they slipped out of my hands, and Mel almost stomped on them. All three of us burst out laughing. Oops.

Sar and Hayden were long gone, probably somewhere getting it on, and I envied her once more. I wished I could find someone I could get it on with... I wished—

"Watch it," Mel shouted at Masen, Blake and Hayden's friend, as he danced next to us with some brunette.

He turned around, but his arm never left the brunette's waist. His seductive smile vanished when he saw Mel. He was three sheets to the wind, if his glassy eyes were anything to go by.

"What's your problem now?" he snarled at her.

"You bumped into me, you jackass. I almost fell because of you!"

He raised his eyebrow. "Seeing how canned you are, you're going to fall on your own any moment now."

Mel's nostrils widened. She reminded me of a furious dragon, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd started spitting fire at Masen.

Melissa and Masen didn't get along. No, that was an understatement. Mel hated Masen's guts, and he didn't hide just how much she disgusted him. He never missed the opportunity to call her ugly or whatnot. If Mel, who was super pretty, was ugly to him, I could only guess what a girl had to look like for him to consider her beautiful. She had to be Miss Universe.

Masen himself didn't look bad, which explained the hordes of girls who were always after him and his reputation of being a womanizer. His light bronze skin accentuated his crystal blue eyes, making them more noticeable. His blond hair was short and unruly, and his body was honed into hard muscle. He could easily pass for a model. It was too bad his personality lacked virtues.

"You're more irritating than diarrhea," Mel slurred, swaying as she took a menacing step toward him with her fist raised in the air.

Masen didn't move an inch, unimpressed. "Right back at you, Satan. This isn't WWE. Knock it off."

He turned around and planted his hands on the brunette's hips. I couldn't hear him clearly, but it sounded like he told her not to pay attention to Mel. They continued dancing, completely dismissing her, while she looked like she was about to go nuts on them.

"It's Sar's birthday party." I placed my hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "Don't do this now."

Kev twisted his hands together. "Yes, Mel. Leave th-them be."

She watched them dance with a sneer. "Okay. I won't do it. I'll just have to break Barbie's nose the next time I see him."

Kev and I glanced at each other, and he shrugged his shoulder. Yep, she was that drunk.

"He didn't do anything wrong, Mel," I said. "He's just dancing with that girl."

Mel's brows quirked up. "He did nothing wrong? He exists! He should be wiped off the face of the earth!"

I snorted. "You're being a drama queen. And remember that anti-bullying campaign of yours, Miss Vice President? What would the student council say if they heard about this? They would call you out on your double standards."

Her only response was to roll her eyes. The band started playing a ballad, which was my cue to finally go to the kitchen to fetch some water. I was parched, and my feet hurt too much in my high heels. The blisters were going to be a nightmare to deal with.

"I'm going to get some water."

"Have a nice trip," Mel said before sticking her tongue out at me.

I wore a goofy smile as I pushed through people, struggling to see anything beyond the hazy lines of my surroundings. The sweat was coating my skin, and I hoped my makeup was in place. If not, I was most probably looking like a clown. I giggled at the thought and sashayed my way into the kitchen, which brimmed with activity.

Some guys played beer pong on the kitchen island, while a blonde girl and a guy who looked old enough to be in college played flip cup on the dining table. There were a few couples kissing, and I exhaled a wistful sigh. I wanted to have someone to kiss, too.

The unwanted memory of my last kiss rushed through my mind, and blush spread all over my cheeks. The lips that drowned me in desire. The hands that reveled in me. And then the words that came out of his mouth that destroyed everything.

I tucked my curls behind my ear and opened the fridge with a pout. Everything about Blake was complicated. The walls around him and his complex past were too high, impenetrable, and dangerous. The depth of contempt in his eyes each time he looked at me was too much, and I asked myself for the hundredth time why I'd had to let him take a piece of my heart.

We weren't meant to be, and even though Sarah had just told me earlier that he might realize how wrong he was and change, it was hard to get over all the things he'd done to me.

I took the water bottle and placed a cup on the counter, humming to the ballad playing. I unscrewed the cap and tilted the bottle to pour the water, but someone flicked my cup aside, and I jerked back when the water splashed all over the counter and my dress, bumping into someone standing too close to me.

"What—" I started to turn around, but he grabbed the counter and pressed himself against me, two arms corded with muscle caging me in.

I was ready to panic, disgusted by this perverted stranger, when the voice in my ear said, "That dress doesn't suit you. You're too fat for it." Blake. "Your flabby stomach and sagging ass are on full display."

I closed my eyes shut and squeezed the bottle in my hand tightly. It hurt. It hurt so much, and shame and anger invited more self-hatred and self-doubts. I was more than aware of his hard body behind me, my pulse hammering madly. I imagined dumping the rest of the water from the bottle on his head.

I wasn't Mel though. Dumping liquids on annoying guys was her specialty.

"Looks like someone couldn't take their eyes off of my body," I replied with faked confidence courtesy of alcohol.

He snorted. His lips were so close to my earlobe I got goose bumps. "I didn't have to stare at you to figure out how fat and unattractive you are."

I bit into my lip and put the bottle down on the counter with a thud. "You can't seem to stop talking about the way I look. Are you that obsessed with my body?"

"Obsessed? You think I'm obsessed with your body when I get to sleep with girls who are way better looking than you?" Another snort traveled over his lips. "You're pathetic."

I refused to let his words get to me. He was a prick. "Leave me alone."

He spun me around too quickly and got into my face, creating a whirlwind of emotions within me. I pressed myself against the counter to get as far away from him as possible and tipped my head back so I could meet his gaze. His icy gray eyes promised me pain.

"I won't leave you alone, because you broke my damn phone screen today. You can't mess with me."

"I'll pay you for the screen. And you're the one messing with me—all the time."

He grimaced. "I'm messing with you because I can't stand you. And don't think you can just pay for my screen and that's it. You won't get away with it that easily."

He is unbelievable! "You're sick, Blake, and—"

He grabbed my shoulder. "Now listen to me and listen to me carefully. I'm not that fool Burks who kisses the ground you walk on."

"He's not—"

He shook me. "Don't interrupt me. As I said, I'm not him, so don't think even for a second you can have me wrapped around your finger."

A few seconds went by as we glared at each other, our faces only a breath apart, and heat spread through my chest. He looked at my lips. Something feral passed through his eyes that said everything opposite of what had just come out of his mouth, and for a crazy moment, I thought he was going to kiss me.

However, whatever held us together was gone as quickly as it'd come, and again, we were nothing more than enemies.

He let go of me abruptly and stepped away. "You broke my screen today, and I won't leave you alone after that stunt. So you better think twice before you open your mouth again." With that, he spun around and walked away.