Biblical Buffoonery

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The crimson haired young man chuckled as Allia finished recounting the story so far to him.

Rage: "So your spawn managed to attain a modicum of power, but he still remains true to himself. Not bad, but it ain't bad to be a bit hedonistic every once in a while."

Allia: "Indeed. How about you guys?"

Rage: "Well Cheese and Smol had to head out on a long-term mission quite some time ago, we still keep in contact, but I still worry for 'em."

Allia: "How come?"

Rage: "Someone we used to know. Emotionally manipulative, smartass, god complex. Basically every red flag in existence rolled into one."

Allia chose not to pry any further. She was fully aware of what kind of person this man was. Especially when he was upset about something. Ruthless. Psychotic. Ungodly powerful.

Allia: "Rage. Would you mind if we did a bit of light sparring? I want to see if I can match you yet."

Rage smirked at Allia before swiping his hand up as reality collapsed and reformed into a pocket dimension.

Rage: "You get ten free hits."

Allia smiled before unfurling her wings. They were a beautiful golden colour and the gold flames that burned alongside the feathers illuminated the area around her.

The phoenix then launched at Rage and hit him with a fireball powerful enough to level Kuoh in its entirety. Mordred watched from the side with a look of interest as Allia jumped back.

The flames dispersed in an instant as Rage emerged unharmed and barely even fazed.

Allia clicked her tongue before going for an even more devastating attack. She raised her hand as her eyes turned blue.

Allia: "Come forth, O flame that lights the void beyond our reach!"

Rage smirked and lowered his head in anticipation as the fire in Allia's hand turned a deep blue colour.

Allia's wings shone briefly as white markings appeared on her feathers as they deepened in colour to a dark blue.

Allia: "I am Allia. I am flame. I shall ascend to the realms of the celestials!"

Rage's smirk widened as Allia invoked celestial flames and charged at him with them. He had promised her ten free hits. She had nine left and she was putting them to good use. Four strikes came from the initial ascendancy and a following four came from the follow up celestial flame typhoon.

One left before Rage himself went on the offensive.

Allia saw that even this wasn't fazing him. So she raised her hand once more as a torrent of celestial fire swirled in her palm.

Rage raised an eyebrow, but allowed her to continue.

The celestial fire crashed down upon him like a brick house. Despite that however, he remained standing, barely moving a millimetre.

Rage: "... My turn."

Rage decided to reciprocate Allia's power with something of his own. Since he was in a version of this particular world, he would play to their systems and subsequently break all known limits of this universe.

Rage/???: "I, who shall awaken, am the embodiment of undying chaos. I defy the infinite and tarnish the dream. I shall face thee with the fury of a thousand worlds and I shall take thee to new heights of devastation..."

There was a moment of silence. Allia knew what was coming next and knew that this wasn't even a fraction of the true power of the man she faced.

Rage: "Juggernaut... Drive."

Allia closed her eyes as the entire pocket dimension was flooded in golden light. She knew from the start that she couldn't win. But this confirmed...

Nobody in this world - Nay, this entire multiverse - even remotely registered on his radar.

Meanwhile, Y/n lay on a futon, looking up at the wooden ceiling of the shrine that Akeno called her home. At his left side was Rias, completely devoid of any clothing with a healthy blush on her face. On his right side was Akeno in the same situation. He then looked down at himself, finding himself nude as well. He knew exactly why, but at the same time, he needed a few moments to process what the hell had just transpired.

Y/n: "Welp. Virginity be gone, I suppose."

He stood up from the futon in such a manner as to not wake Rias and Akeno and walked outside for a moment after pulling some pants on.

The air was pleasantly warm even for the time of night that it was.

He sat down and unfurled his wings. They glowed gently behind him as he thought back on everything that he had been through.

Y/n: "... Maybe I should start looking at rings."

???: "You called?"

Y/n jumped to his feet as someone appeared next to him. An angel with shoulder-length blonde hair and a kind smile.

???: "Hello!"

Y/n: "Fuckin'... You guys are just crawling out of the woodworks, huh?"

???: "Ahaha! I don't blame you for being alarmed, but I heard something about rings and, as an angel of love, I couldn't help myself."

Y/n: "Angel of love, huh?"

???: "Mhm! My name is Jophiel."

Y/n: "Ah, you're one of the angels that bet on Raguel getting erased."

Jophiel: "Well, I can't say we didn't see it coming. Raguel has always held a grudge against Samael. Especially since the gates of heaven."

Y/n: "To be fair, that was because of Gramps."

Jophiel: "Yes. Most angels in heaven know that God was... difficult, to put it lightly. But that isn't what I'm here for. You said you were going to look at some rings?"

Y/n: "Well, yeah. Rias, Akeno and I just went at it, so at this point I may as well."

Jophiel smiled and nodded before asking a few rather odd questions. However when she was finished asking, she held up a notepad and did some quick sketches.

Jophiel: "If you'll allow me. I can take these to Raphael and he can make the rings for you."

Y/n: "Raphael? Oh, the angel of... marriage... Huh. Shoulda figured he'd be someone I could get in contact with."

Jophiel laughed again, clearly she was something of a happy-go-lucky figure in heaven. He was about to ask something when suddenly the sky above them lit up a bright gold colour and Allia suddenly emerged from a rift in front of them. Y/n's eyes widened in horror as he saw that she was heavily injured, like she had just been fighting.

Y/n: "Mom!"

Jophiel: "Lady Allia!"

The two rushed over and knelt at either side of the Phoenix until the one who had caused her injuries stepped through the rift after her.

Rage: "Hm. Seems like that was a bit much."

Y/n: "You!"

Rage turned his attention to Y/n as he shot to his feet in anger.

Rage: "Huh. Been a while, eh? Well, it has been for me at least."

Y/n, consumed by anger, charged at Rage with his arms coated in flame. Rage was nonplussed however as he casually blocked every attack. Y/n kept upping the intensity of his attacks until he finally summoned Trinity's balance breaker.

He concentrated all his strength into his attacks and kept the onslaught going, however it barely even registered on Rage's person.

In response to the attack flurry, Rage simply kicked Y/n back and quickly summoned a bow. He swiftly fired an arrow straight into the sky, confusing Y/n greatly.

Y/n: "The hell was that?"

Rage: "Heh... Antares Snipe."

Y/n was suddenly assaulted by a sharp spike of pain as a single, pinpoint accurate blast was shot at him from the sky.

Rage smirked as the wound began healing at a rapid rate.

Y/n: "Gh! The fuck was that!?"

Rage: "Neat, ain't it? My buddy Chiron taught me how to do that."

Y/n got to his feet quickly as the wound finished healing. He tried to think of a way to win this battle, however things weren't looking good.

Rage laughed however when Allia got up from her little dirt-nap.

Rage: "You good, Allia?"

Allia: "I-... I can stand if that counts."

Rage: "Well you're already doing better than most."

Y/n: "Mom! I'll be with you in a minute, let me just-"

Allia: "No!"

Y/n looked at Allia with mild surprise on his face.

Allia: "Rage, let him go. He's-"

Rage: "Oh, I'm fully aware. You really think I'm gonna kill him? Where'd be the fun in that?"

Allia sighed in relief as Rage put his hands in his pockets.

Y/n: "Mom, what the hell?"

Allia: "Ah, Y/n. This is Rage. He's... I wanna say the creator of this world, but I know for a fact that it's more than this world."

Rage: "I basically created a multiverse of my own design. There's nothing in it that even approaches me. Not since the nexus incident."

Allia: "Is Red still trying to explain that to the UN?"

Rage: "HA! It's taking a while since it's tough trying to explain that someone literally absorbed the potential energy of a null-hyperverse."

Y/n: "... I need context."

Allia: "A null-hyperverse is basically a hyperverse that doesn't exist within what we know as reality. It's weird to explain."

Y/n: "I mean the hyperverse part."

Rage: "Well the scale goes: A Universe, Multiverse, Metaverse, Megaverse, Hyperverse and Omniverse. I originally come from what's regarded as the prime omniverse."

Allia: "As do I. Which is why I am as powerful as I am right now, though I don't even register on the radars of Rage and his family. Even that place's version of Rias is orders of magnitude stronger than the one of this universe."

Y/n was officially fucking terrified now. If this guy was on that level, then what would it look like if he went all out?

Before he could ask that question though, Rage reached into his pocket and brought out his phone.

Rage: "Sup, Fagatron?... Yeah?... No- How many times do I need to explain this, Red?... Fine, I'm on my way back... Yeah, I know, I'll try not to destroy another megaverse on the way back... Riveting. Hanging up now."

Rage sighed in annoyance as he hung up the call.

Rage: "Gotta go. Dipshit's needing me to help out at Site-19. That shitfuck, Kondraki tried riding 682 like a damn horse... AGAIN! I swear I don't get payed enough for this..."

Allia: "Isn't it your job to handle these things as the All-Seeing Eye."

Rage: "I tend to leave that shit to The Founder. He's the hardass."

It was then that Y/n noticed the odd symbol on Rage's jacket. He then dialled a number on his phone again.

Rage: "Yo, it's me... I'm on my way, the dipshit called ahead. Tell Bright and Clef they can use whatever means necessary to get 682 back in containment. AND TELL THE OTHER COUNCIL MEMBERS TO GET A SENSE OF HUMOUR! I'm tired of being the only one capable of laughing! We never should've assassinated Adam Bright!"

Rage groaned before raising a hand. Y/n's eyes widened as reality collapsed at his fingertips. However he wanted to know something.

Y/n: "Wait!"

Rage stopped and lowered his phone before turning back.

Rage: "Hm?"

Y/n: "If this is some kind of multiverse... How many of me are there?"

Rage smirked before snapping his fingers. As he did so a ball of interconnecting webs formed in front of him.

Y/n: "This is-"

Rage: "My design."

Rage lifted one of the threads and an image was projected from it. It showed a young man in a white uniform similar to the one Rage himself was currently wearing. He did the same with more threads. Each of them showed different versions of Y/n across multiple universes. One was a naval admiral, one was a demon in plate armour, one was another devil, one was a human adventurer. Y/n became overwhelmed as literally hundreds of versions of himself appeared.

Rage: "These are all you in different multiverses... And none of you even come close to being so much as a challenge."

Y/n: "... What would constitute a challenge to you?"

Rage: "If you can somehow break the limits of your entire fucking hyperverse and breach the Prime Omniverse from which I and the others hail... Then I may consider you a challenge."

Y/n gulped in response. Basically what Rage was saying was that he was the hidden boss that even the devs would tell you to stay away from since not even the most skilled players could even remotely put a dent in his HP bar.

Rage: "Anyway, I'm heading home now. Be seein' ya."

Once more, reality collapsed at Rage's fingertips as he stepped through the rift he had just made.

Allia breathed a sigh of relief when he was gone.

Allia: "Ah... That was a good chat."

Y/n: "You seriously fought him?"

Allia: "Yup. As I said, I was born in his world. But my own power is nowhere even close to his. I couldn't even beat Rias in that world."

Jophiel: "Really? Is she that powerful?"

Allia: "She is."

Y/n: "Damn, and I can't even put a dent in that guy."

Allia: "Red's worse. He doesn't hit nearly as hard, but he's far more annoying to deal with. Anyway, that's enough talk of them. Jophiel, why are you here?"

Jophiel: "Oh, Y/n mentioned getting rings."

Allia: "Oh?"

Y/n chose not to look at Allia's face as he knew that Anya Forger should feel fucking threatened by the sheer smug energy on display.

Allia: "Well that conversation can wait. For the moment, the peace conference is tonight. You should head home and get everyone ready. I'll stay here with Akeno and Rias."

Y/n nodded and headed home. As he descended the stairs, Allia gave a slight laugh.

Allia: "Well, we should get ready as well, Jophiel."

Jophiel: "Of course. Michael and Gabriel will be the representatives of heaven."

Allia: "Surprising nobody. I assume Azazel is going for Grigori?"

Jophiel: "Azazel, Gadreel and Belial are Grigori's reps."

The two continued to talk about the upcoming faction meeting for some time before Rias and Akeno woke up and found the two in the living room.

Rias: "Where's Y/n?"

Allia: "I sent him home a short while ago. For now I want to talk to you for a bit. If that's alright with you that is."

Rias: "O- Of course."

Rias sat down across from Allia as Jophiel shifted to the side of the table.

Allia: "I want to make sure, now that you and Y/n have effectively formed an irreversible pact. Is Y/n-"

Rias: "Before you say anything, Allia. I wouldn't be here if not for Y/n. I made my choice to be with him and I will not accept anyone telling me I shouldn't have."

Allia: "I wasn't going to say that. But hearing you saying that brings me much comfort."

Rias: "But, to simply say that I love Y/n... I think that's an understatement."

Allia smiled as Rias proceeded to rant for ten minutes about how much she actually loved Y/n.

Jophiel kept furiously taking notes as Rias spoke, she was clearly enjoying this.

The rest of the day passed quickly and the fated evening came.

Within a conference room sat the representatives of each of the three factions. Michael and Gabriel sat at one side of the table. Both of them were clearly on edge, though Gabriel kept an amicable smile on her face. Irina was standing next to them with Evelyn and Freya.

On the devils side were Sirzechs, Serafall and Samael. Rias' and Sona's peerages both stood behind their faction reps.

On the fallen angels' side of the table were Azazel, Gadreel and Bellial. Next to them was a silver haired young man with a smug look about him.

Azazel was about to speak when Bellial started for him.

Bellial: "Dude, the tension in here's so thick that I think it might come close to my-"

Gabriel: "Bellial? Do shut up."

Bellial: "Hoho! Look at you, Gabes. Since when did you grow a pair?"

Gabriel: "I'm fresh from performing a funeral rite for Raguel since the little cloudling decided it'd be a good plan to provoke the antichrist, who we can now confirm has the venom of God in his arsenal."

Samael: "I would say it's a sad day, buuut-"

Michael: "We'd all be lying if we said that, Samael."

Gadreel: "Raguel and I were close, but yeah, the guy was a dick."

Michael: "Yes. However we can discuss how frustrating Raguel was at a later time. For now, we must look to the present and the future."

Sirzechs: "Agreed. I assume you've all read the reports submitted by Rias and Sona?"

Azazel: "Yep. Kresus' involvement is cause for concern."

Gadreel: "The fact that she's making moves shows that she thinks she's already won."

Samael: "She'd need to get rid of me to do that. There's not many ways to do that."

Gabriel: "Yes, so the fact that she clearly wants Y/n for something is most concerning."

Samael: "Mhm. Especially since Jegudiel found That."

Michael: "Yes, he informed me of its discovery. Who'd have thought that father would hide it in such an obvious place?"

Bellial: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're thinking of the same thing, right? Y'know? The screams-"

Gabriel: "That's enough out of you, Bellial."

A few people raised some eyebrows, however the chance of information being leaked was higher than they'd have liked to admit.

Samael: "That aside, we have solid grounds for alliance thanks to Kresus' reemergence. She poses a legitimate threat, especially since she's the one who was partially responsible for the devil civil war."

Gabriel: "Yes. Having her around certainly makes forming this alliance much easier."

Bellial scoffed as he leaned back in his seat.

Bellial: "So how we gonna sign this? Personally, I'm up for signing it with an orgy."

Michael: "Bellial, stop trying to be Belphegor. Unlike you, he can actually get action."

Samael burst into laughter while Gadreel and Azazel both turned away from Bellial so they could hide their laughter.

Bellial: "... Now that's just rude is what that is."

At the door to the conference room, Dantalion, Belohegor, Alastor and the other six primordial demons stood.

Baphomet: "It's true though. Belphegor can easily pull anyone he wants."

Belphegor: "And you sit here at this conference, Bitchless and with a dick that needs a microscope to me measured."

Bellial: "YOU WANNA FUCKIN' GO, BELPHEGOR!?"

Belphegor gave the fallen angel a smug grin.

Belphegor: "... That makes three thousand, four hundred and eighty-six to four."

Bellial: "Wha- I-... FUCK!!"

Samael: "Bro. You fucking SPRINTED into that one."

Bellial: "I KNOW! I'M PISSED NOW!"

Y/n quickly figured out that there was clearly a game between Bellial and Belphegor.

Belphegor had a landslide score advantage.

Allia: "I may as well step in here. I imagine we all sensed the presence that arrived here early this morning?"

Gabriel: "Yes, I shudder to think what he was doing here."

Y/n: "Wait, all of you know that guy?"

Bellial: "Yep. If it's who I'm thinkin' of, then he's not someone you wanna fuck around with. Cuz you will find out in the most painful way possible."

Allia: "Indeed. You yourself saw how effortlessly he held you off."

Michael: "What was he doing here?"

Allia: "Just visiting. I gauged his power personally."

Everyone looked at her expectantly as she shuddered.

Allia: "He's still growing in power. I got ten hits before he used a Juggernaut Drive against me."

There was a deafening silence as the others looked at her in shock.

Gadreel: "He has a Juggernaut!?"

Allia: "Yes. It's... Difficult to explain, mostly because I took one hit from it and got knocked out."

Samael: "Fuckin'-A."

Michael: "Indeed. However it's clear he's in a good mood if he left without much incident."

Allia: "Yes. He seems to have mellowed out, so I think the threat of extinction can be considered moot."

There was a collective sigh of relief from the faction representatives present.

Bellial: "Welp. Guess I better bust out the booze."

Samael: "What you got?"

Bellial smirked before snapping his fingers as a large cask of whisky was teleported in.

Bellial: "The good shit. Aged six thousand years."

Samael: "Oho! Boy, you better get me a glass!"

Bellial: "Comin' right up. Anyone else want a drink? Y/n?"

Y/n: "Eh, fuggit."

Bellial: "Attaboy!"

Bellial laughed as he turned the tap on the cask and poured out some whisky for himself, Y/n and Samael. He slid their glasses over to them before offering some to the other faction reps. Gabriel and Michael both declined, as did Serafall. However Sirzechs, Gadreel, Azazel, Belphegor, Dantalion, Alastor, Zdrada, Malina, Sathanas and Mammon all took him up on his offer.

They all toasted the avoidance of a multiversal extinction event and drank their booze.

That shit fucking BURNED.

Six thousand year old whisky was no joke. The taste was overwhelmingly smoky and it burned like swallowing magma as it trickled down the throat. Despite that, it was smooth and, though it burned, it went down easily.

Bellial: "This is from my personal brewery."

Gadreel: "I forgot you had a brewery, Bellial."

Bellial: "Yeah, I started about... eight thousand years back? Yeah, that sounds about right."

Samael: "It was one of the first hobbies you took up after we were cast out of heaven."

The fallen and the devils laughed with the angels occasionally chiming in. It looked more like a huge family reunion than a faction meeting to decide the future of the supernatural world.

As the factions talked and made jokes however, suddenly a magic circle opened in the middle of the table. One that made the faction reps freeze up.

A tanned woman was thrown out of it as Rage followed close behind.

Rage: "I found this one snooping around. She had a buncha suicidal morons on standby as well. Don't worry about them though."

The faction leaders could guess was had happened based on the blood dripping from Rage's fingers.

Michael: "R- Rage."

Samael: "Yo! Been keeping well?"

Rage smirked before shrugging.

Rage: "Same shit, different dimensional order."

Y/n offhandedly noticed the ring on Rage's hand. It was identical to the one that Jophiel had sketched up that morning.

Y/n then decided that he would do something stupid.

Y/n: "Rage."

Rage: "Oya? Sup?"

Y/n: "... I wanna see how you fight."

There was a collective silence in the conference room as everyone looked at him as though he was crazy.

Rage: "Ha! You saw me fight this morning."

Y/n: "I saw you not even trying. I wanna know what I'm really dealing with here."

Rage raised an eyebrow with a smirk, he then shrugged.

Rage: "I'll try not to kill ya then."

Y/n: "I'd appreciate that. Rather not die right now."

Rage: "I hear ya. Wedding planning's a cunt. Trust me, I've basically got a wife for every day of the fuckin' year."

Y/n chuckled as the two teleported outside.

Rage: "Alright. Just to be sure, you really wanna go through with this?"

Y/n: "Mhm."

Y/n summoned Trinity's balance breaker immediately. This was going to be unforgivingly difficult. Rage smirked however.

Rage: "Skipping right past the Juggernaut then."

Suddenly the entire existential plain they were on shuddered as Rage unleashed everything he had. His aura alone was causing the current universe to rumble. Such was the power of those from a higher dimensional order.

Rage: "Don't leave me bored now, kid!"

End of Chapter.

Next Time: Rage: Fury of a Thousand Worlds.

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