"So you're forgetting... 'Him' just like that? He disappears and you replace him in a matter of weeks?" I sass, sipping the edge of my mug. The hot water burns the tip of my tongue. That is some irony right there for you.

Phil chokes on his mouthful of coffee, spluttering stains on his shirt. "Leigh, you know it's not like that-"

"Then what is it like?"

Ella takes the mug from my hands and sets it beside the sofa. "What has gotten into you, Leigh?" Her face is still loving, slightly tilted to the side with sympathy. She shouldn't bother.

"I'm just pissed that everyone seems to have gotten over him but me!" I storm out of the room. My mug rattles and topples over as I stomp past. "IT'S NOT FAIR!".

I fling myself onto my bed. How dare Phil be over Dan? They were only best friends for what, eight fucking years! Surely that should be worth more than a few weeks grieving?!

I should be the one who is forgetting him. The way he treated me... He doesn't deserve it. HE DOESN'T FUCKING DESERVE IT! I HOPE I BREAK MY LEG SO HE CAN FEEL GUILTY- SO EVERYONE CAN FEEL GUILTY! I'M SO PISSED OFF!

<VI><VI><VI><VI><VI><VI><VI><VI><VI><VI>

I ease myself off the bed, the babygro now folded neatly into a suitcase- I don't want Ella seeing that again. No one has come back for the last half hour so I'm going to go look for them. I grab a spare key, shove it in my pocket and head for the door. That's when I feel bile travelling up my throat.

Kicking off my shoes to run faster, I make it to the toilet just in time to watch my all-you-can-eat breakfast swirling around in the bowl. Lovely. Why was I even sick anyway? Could it have been the excitement of the proposal- the trauma of the dead baby?

My stomach suddenly drops. What if I'm pregnant? I mean, it's not impossible that I am but I'm hoping it's not why I threw up. I know it would crush Ella if I were to have a child soon after she lost her's. Emotionally and mentally crush her.

I take the test anyway- better to be safe than sorry. The minute I wait for the results to settle is the longest sixty seconds of my life.

Anyone, if you're up there, don't you dare do this. You cannot give me a baby when my best friends just lost their own. If you do, I will be so mad with you.

I can't look - I don't want to! But I have to...

Two lines. Positive.

"I HATE YOU GOD!" I scream, punching the wall. My fists break holes in the plaster until blood begins to pour out of them. I crunch the test under my foot and scream more. "FUCK EVERYTHING, FUCK IT ALL!"

I am so angry at the test, me, the baby but mostly God. It was his twisted mind that decided I would be pregnant. I stomp to the bed and throw myself onto it in a ball of fury. "FUCK YOU!"