Chapter 19

Shaw

       Whenever I needed some fresh air to think and clear my mind, I went to the walkway that was higher off the ground and looked to the outskirts of Spruceworth. It was an amazing view, a bunch of trees standing tall and a river running through.

       I still had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn't get the thought of proposing to Holden out of my mind, but I doubt Holden's parents were going to allow it. I was going to ask them anyway, but it wasn't the best time since they recently found out their youngest son killed someone and lied about it.

       While I was still looking at the view, Lawrence suddenly walked up to me. "It's such a peaceful thing to look at, isn't it?" he asked.

       "Yeah, it is," I said. "It always helps clear my mind when it's a jumbled mess."

       "I never had a chance to thank you," Lawrence said.

       Confused, I looked over at him. "For what?"

       "What you did for Julian," Lawrence said. "You knew there was a chance you could be prosecuted and sent to prison, yet you still took the fall. Why did you do it?"

       "Because I know what it's like to have my life be thrown into turmoil at a young age," I said. "He was only sixteen when it happened and because it was intentional, so much could have gone wrong if anyone found the truth. I didn't want him going through what I did, especially when he came to me looking so scared and desperate. How's he doing?"

       "Honestly, not that good," Lawrence said. "It's weird how well he was at hiding it but now that it's out in the open with our family, he's a complete mess. He's worried it will all backfire or how we'll all hate him."

       "Do you?" I asked.

       "No, of course not," Lawrence said. "When someone has a gone pointed at you, you'll do anything to get away. Not only that, and he had so much anger inside of him because of all the commotion she called. And sometimes when someone has too much anger in them, they'll just let it all loose at the wrong time."

       "Yeah, trust me, I know," I said. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

       "He will," Lawrence said. "It may take a while, but he will. We did tell Josh though since we like considering him as the family psychologist, so he's been talking to him. I'm just surprised he was able to keep it a secret for so long. But really, thank you, for being willing to go to prison just so Julian won't have to. I don't know how I can repay you."

       "You already did," I said. "For being there for me after my mom passed away. If anything, I'm the one who had to repay you."

       "Well, if there's anything you ever need, you know I'll be here," Lawrence said.

       "Actually..." I began, but then I stopped. He wasn't going to say yes, so I might as well not ask at all and hold off on proposing. Even though I really wanted to marry Holden. "Never mind."

       "What is it?" Lawrence asked.

       "Seriously, forget it," I said. "It's probably best not to ask right now with everything going on. I'll see you around."

       I turned around and started walking away, but Lawrence didn't let it go that easily. He followed me and grabbed my arm to stop me from walking. "Shaw, if there's something wrong you need help with..."

       "Nothing's wrong, I swear," I said, facing him. "I just... No, forget it, you'll never say yes."

       "Say yes to what?" Lawrence asked, starting to sound worried. "What did you do?"

       "I didn't do anything," I said. "It's what I want to do."

       "Well, what do you want to do?" Lawrence asked.

       I took a deep breath before saying, "I want to marry Holden."

       Lawrence immediately furrowed his eyebrows, a confused expression written all over his face. "You what?"

       "I was hoping you would give me permission to marry your son," I said. "I've known we've only been together for a few months but I love him more than anything. He makes me a better person and because of him, I don't even think about the things I've done in the past. I want him by my side for the rest of my life but I need your and Tara's permission."

       Lawrence was silent for a long time and I had a feeling he was either going to disprove of it, or find something that pointed out why Holden and I shouldn't get married.

       Either way, it was probably going to be a negative response; one I wouldn't want to hear.

       "Well,' Lawrence finally said, speaking slowly. "It might take some time convincing Tara, but I'll handle that."

       "Wait," I said. "Are you... Are you agreeing to it?"

       "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but yes, you have my permission to marry Holden," Lawrence said. "I'm still trying to get used to your relationship but it's clear how much you two love each other. I can't exactly say no when you make him happy and when you have done so much for him."

       I couldn't help but smile. "I promise you, I'll never hurt him and I'll do whatever it takes to make him as happy as he could be."

       "I know you will," Lawrence said. "If I would you, I would propose before I get the chance to talk to Tara about it because knowing her, she would probably try to stop it."

       "Yeah, you're right there," I said. "Thank you, Lawrence. For everything."

       I walked down the stairs exiting the walkway, almost immediately crashing into something. "Watch where you're going," the man I bumped into snapped.

       As soon as I got a better look at the man, I felt an anger inside of me I hadn't felt for a very long time; even more than when Rudy always made me out to be a bad father or whenever Tara told me I was bad for her son or even when Roman threatened me.

       Because this man standing in front of me caused me more harm than anyone else ever had.

       "What are you doing here in Spruceworth?" I asked.

       "Oh, come on," he said. "That's no way to greet your father."

       "Trust me, you are no father," I said before I started walking away.

       My dad, however, decided to follow me anyway. Out of all the years he could have shown up in my life, he decided to do it when my life was the best it had ever been. 

       "Well, to answer your question," Dad said. "I'm here to see my children."

       "You mean your children you abandoned nine years ago with no contact whatsoever?" I asked. "Not even after Mom died? Yeah, sure, just feel free to come here and act like nothing ever happened."

       "Better late than never," Dad said.

       "Better never."

       I still couldn't believe he was here, acting like everything was okay. He knew nothing about my life in the nine years he was absent. He was gone when I really needed someone there for me.

       Everyone was. The only people that stuck by my side was Lawrence and Tara.

       "So you're going to act like I'm not your father?" Dad asked.

       "Yes, that's the plan," I said, stopping in my tracks so I could face him. "What part don't you get about what you did? You left me, Mom, and Viola on our own. You didn't come back when she got sick. You didn't come back when she passed away. And you're back now? Why?"

       "Like I said, I wanted to see you and Viola," Dad said.

       "Not a chance," I said. "I can't stop you from being in Spruceworth, but I don't want you going anywhere near me."

       "Come on, Shaw," Dad said. "I'm your dad."

       "You know nothing about me," I said, turning around and started walking away again.

       And of course, he kept following me. "Then let me get to know you again," Dad said. "So, what's new? Any special girl in your life? You were always the chick magnet when you were younger, just like your old man."

       "Well, sorry to break it to you, but I am nothing like you," I said. "I'm not a chick magnet. If anything, I'm a dick magnet."

       "You're what?" Dad asked.

       "I'm gay," I said. "And I have a boyfriend."

       Dad smiled and patted my back. "Attracting boys as well as girls. You really are a stud. So, what else is new?"

       "What's it to you?" I asked.

       "Uh, the fact that I'm your dad," he said.

       "You keep saying that but for nine years, you haven't been here," I said. "So why don't you keep it that way and stay out of my life?"

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i'm using a gif next chapter i'm excited for and omg it's so cute and i hope you all like it.

and i'm still spamming this book ahahahaha