Chapter 45

Shaw

       I had a hard time sleeping the past couple nights. All I was seeing was what happened at Kendra's house. Me killing Roman.

       And getting away with it.

       Of course I didn't actually want to go to prison because of it but I couldn't help but feel guilty about it. Roman's family, as villainous as they were, lost two of their family members this year. And they were going to think both of them were because of me since not too many people knew I was only covering for Julian.

       If Roman's family was as angry as he was, I might not be done with people trying to get revenge.

       I took a few days off of work because I wouldn't be able to focus at all. If I was a server, I would be messing up the orders and if I worked in the kitchen, I would probably end up making the meals taste quite horrible.

       I hadn't even left the house much because I was so afraid I would get so many judging looks. They would only read what happened in the newspapers and online. They didn't see what happened. They didn't know what it was actually like.

       I was laying on the bed in my bedroom when the door opened and Holden walked inside. He closed the door before walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Are you going to be in here all day?" he asked.

       "Of course not," I said. "I'm obviously going to leave if I have to use the washroom."

       Holden sighed. "Castiel wants you to play a game with him since nobody else wants to play with him. I mean, I will if he really does have nobody else, but he does want you to play."

       "I'm not a game type of person," I said.

       "So in other words, you're going to keep isolating yourself from everyone, even your kids," Holden said. "You've worked so hard to keep them, and now it's like you're pushing that away."

       "Maybe they would be better of staying with Kendra," I said.

       "Don't say that," Holden said. "They love being here and I know you love having them here."

       "They're living with a murderer."

       "Shaw, stop it. You are not a murderer. It was an accident. He could have killed you and Kendra. You know all of this. You gave this same advice to Julian when he went to you for help after the Cassidy incident. If you wouldn't call my brother a murder, then you can't call yourself one."

       I sighed and rolled over so I was laying on my back. "I stooped to Roman and Cassidy's level. I did something I never thought I would do and I hate myself for it. It doesn't matter what kind of person Roman was. I took his life away."

       "But you didn't do it on purpose," Holden said. "And do I need to say it again? He could have killed you and Kendra. He could have taken a mother and a father away."

       "Holden, you haven't seen what I was like a few years ago," I said. "I was horrible. Violent. An alcoholic. And all of those thoughts I had then just came rusing back. I was a lot worse than Roman is... Was."

       Holden laid down beside me. "That's in your past. Everyone goes through so many changes in their life so they can't always hold onto your past. And you are nothing like Roman. You're not even close to him. He was so fixed on revenge that he didn't care who he hurt. And you? You would do anything just to protect people you love, and even people you don't know well. You're an amazing father, an amazing husband, an amazing brother."

       "Tell that to Viola," I said. "She won't even talk to me since I killed her boyfriend."

       "So she doesn't care that Roman broke into Kendra's home?" Holden asked. "Threatened her? Pulled out a knife on you? Punched Kendra?"

       "Nope. She told me I could have prevented it all if I told everyone the truth."

       "About what?"

       "Cassidy. How I didn't kill her."

       "But... If you didn't, Roman would have went after a teenager," Holden pointed out. "Someone who is emotionally scarred because of what Cassidy had done to his family. What you did for Julian is nothing short of heroic and things could have gotten a lot worse if Roman knew the truth."

       "I know. That's exactly why I told Viola to get her head out of the sand and actually put her family first."

       "You know, you can take your own advice. Go play that game with Castiel. Listen to stories Mercy and Lucian tell you."

       I moved to lay on my side so I could look at Holden. "Kiss my insanely awesome husband?"

       "I mean, you can," Holden said, so I leaned down to kiss him but he stopped me. "But you have a six year old in the living room just dying to play a game with you."

       I chuckled and gave him a quick kiss anyway before sitting up. "Thank you. For trying to talk some sense into me. I still hae my doubts but at least there is some sense in my mind."

       "Of course," Holden said. "I'll always be here for you."

       "I know," I said.

       I got off of the bed and left the bedroom, walking into the living room. As soon as I did, Mercy said, "Dad, can we leave the house for once? We haven't gone into the village for days."

       "Yeah, can we?" Castiel asked, excitingly hopping off of the couch.

       As much as I didn't want to walk through the village, I had to put them first at times and this was definitely one of the times. It wasn't fair of me to make them stay in the house all day just because I didn't want to leave.

       "Sure," I said. "Get your shoes on and I will take you to the diner for some milkshakes and fries."

       "I'm included in this, right?" Holden asked from behind me.

       "But of course," I said with a smile.

       We all got our shoes on before leaving the house to head to the 50's diner for the best milkshakes in the village.

       While walking through the village, we had to walk by Holden's parents' house and for some reason, some cop cars was parked outside of it, which made us stop walking. "What's going on?" I asked.

       "I have no idea," Holden said.

       The door opened and two police officers walked out, escorting a handcuffed Julian.

       Please don't tell me he was getting arrested for the reason I was thinking.

       Viola was one of the officers there so I told Holden to keep an eye on the kids before walking over. "Viola, what are you doing with Julian?" I asked.

       "Oh, perfect timing," Viola said, taking out a pair of handcuffs. "Shaw Thomas-Eaton, you are under arrest for misdemeanor."

       "I'm sorry, what?" I asked, but I didn't even try to resist. "I haven't done anything wrong."

       "Lying about a crime," Viola said.

       It didn't take much to put two and two together. "You promised you would keep it a secret."

       "That was before you killed my boyfriend," Viola said. "So congratulations. Julian is probably going to be in jail for a long time now. Seven years max. You happy?"

       "You are such a..." I didn't get to finish my sentence before Viola started leading me quite forcefully to one of the police cards.

        "Careful," Viola said as she pushed me into the backseat. "You wouldn't want to add assaulting a police officer to your charges, would you?"

       I glared at her as she slammed the door shut. I looked out of the window to see all three of my kids looking awfully scared and worried. Mercy tried walking to the police car, but Holden had to hold her back.

       The police car took me to the station where I was led into an interrogation room. I had to wait there for a while before the chief, Angus, walked in and sat on the chair across from me. "So, Shaw Thomas. Long time, no see."

       "Thomas-Eaton," I corrected. "I'm married now."

       "Well, then Shaw Thomas-Eaton, do you know why you're here?" Angus asked.

       "I have an idea," I said through my clenched teeth.

       "Then I would like to know why you would lie about killing Cassidy," Angus said. "Most people lie about not committng a crime. Never any about actually doing it. And you better tell the truth this time. Are you going to?"

       "Depends," I said. "Are you going to believe me?"

       "I'm obligated to if you tell the truth about what really happened," Angus said.

       "I told you what really happened," I said. "The only lie being it was Julian and not me, which you figured out because of my backstabber of a sister."

       "I still don't get why you lied."

       "Julian's my brother-in-law. He's family and I protect my family. I still had to go to court when I said it was me and there was a chance I could have gone to prison, not to mention I was in prison while waiting for my trial. And I've been to prison before. There's no way someone like Julian, someone who's fragile and emotionally scarred because of Cassidy, would have lasted a day in there."

       "So you did it so Julian wouldn't have to go to prison?" Angus asked.

       "That's exactly what I said. So... What's going to happen to him?"

       Angus was silent for a bit before releasing a long sigh. "I don't do this often but once taking his statement, I am going to release him."

       "Really?" I asked. "Why? I mean, I want that to happen but why?"

       "Because I'm letting my personal feelings get in the way," Angus said. "That explosion Cassidy caused in the city hall... My wife and my daughter, my thirteen year old daughter, was in there. I could have lost them. In fact, I was close to losing my daughter but she was able to pull through. She's still trying to move on from the explosion. She's struggling a lot. From what I understand, Julian was there when it happened."

       "He was outside of the city hall when it was," I said. "But two of his brothers, Noah and Holden, were there. Noah is his twin brother and he almost died too. And Holden temporarily lost his vision."

       "And my guess is Julian is still trying to move on," Angus said. "But it was hard with Cassidy pointing a gun at him and threatening to kill him."

       "Exactly," I said. "So you're really going to let him go."

       "I am," Angus said. "It will be on his record, but he won't have to serve any jail time for it. I know I shouldn't do it especially when he let you take the fall but... He's a scarred kid. And it's not like he intentionally went out to kill Cassidy. You, however..."

       "Don't worry, I already know how this works," I said. "I'll pay the fine. Can I go now? My kids saw me get arrested so..."

       "Yeah, you can go," Angus said before taking off my handcuffs. "You know, this may sound bad but part of me wants to throw you in jail as well."

       "And I'm going to take a wild guess and say it's because of the custody hearing," I said as I stood up.

       "She was just doing what she thought was best," Angus said.

       "I know," I said. "It's not like I got full custody. Kendra could still see them and they're going over to hers tomorrow for the weekend. So I can leave now, right? Before you do throw me in jail?"

       "Yes, leave," Angus said. "But just know if you do hurt my sister again, I probably will throw you in jail."

       I just chuckled before leaving the police station and heading home where I had a feeling Holden had taken the kids. As soon as I walked in, all three threw their arms around me. "You're back!" Mercy said. "We were so scared!"

       "Why did Auntie Viola take you away in the police car?" Castiel asked.

       "Don't worry about it," I said. "Everything's okay now. I promise."

       "What about Julian?" Holden asked. "Is... Is he going to prison?"

       "No," I said. "He's not. He should but the chief is going to release him. He'll be okay."

________________

yes my future boyfriend better be okay

i mean what?????

lol this is the longest spruceworth book so far and idk if it's close to being done lol.

you know what sucks? being starving and two in the morning but having no food in your room and not being allowed in the kitchen after midnight :(