The Satan

"Aaron's spirit shattered the glass held by the accomplice," Zandra says, just in case anyone present missed the point of what happened.

Can't underestimate this crowd.

Rev. Cash looks down at his chest to assess the damage, but his beer bottle remains intact. He takes a swig and says, "Good. The last accuser was a miss, too."

Cherry Peach presses a cocktail napkin into the Shirley Temple that soaked into her dress. Her spill is a result of nerves, not anything supernatural.

Jade covers her face in the pit of her elbow to avoid the shards of exploded glass, but "Aaron's spirit" similarly left her glass of wine spritzer alone.

Ivy stares into her vodka tonic, wondering whether the carbonation or her frustration will shatter the glass first.

A dry and unscathed pDano® smiles and nods for reasons known only to them.

And that leaves...

"Captain Mel," Zandra says.

For the first time since Zandra met him, Captain Mel appears in utter shock. A trail of grape juice down his front leads to shattered glass and ice cubes on the floor.

"But...how?" Captain Mel says in a bearded daze.

The same way the spirits of patrons past make their presences known in "haunted" bars: thermal shock, happy hour, a good ghost story, and some primed dipshits.

The heat from automatic dishwashers expands the glass. Take the glass out of the dishwasher right after the last cycle completes, and then pour some cold liquid inside it. The liquid causes the glass to rapidly contract. This creates microscopic fissures in the glass. All the glass needs to shatter is a little force, like someone taking a sip after a toast.

This effect is called "thermal shock," and the owners of those "haunted" bars know all about it. That won't prevent them from capitalizing on the lore of a supernatural mascot randomly shattering patrons' beer mugs and cocktail glasses. It helps that thermal shock reveals itself at opportune times. The busier the bar is, like during happy hour, the more likely it is that glasses are removed from dishwashers before they have a chance to cool. That means more people see the spontaneous and "supernatural" shattering, and the legend of the "haunted" bar grows.

Not that the people in charge of the bars mind. Just like haunted hotels, spirits can be good for business.

Look, if I ever come back as a spirit and I get a choice of where to haunt and how, it sure as fuck isn't going to be a bar. You know why they serve alcohol in bars? Because it's the only way to tolerate the people there.

Anyway, Captain Mel, the trick was to conveniently forget to ice up everyone's drinks except for yours. Aaron's "spirit" made its choice.

The Curd Queen rattles in a way it hasn't up to this point in the event. It's not violent, but it is noticeable, almost like something struck the bottom of the boat.

A log?

"You ask me how, child?" Zandra says to Captain Mel, resuming her command of the situation. "I don't know the how of what I do any more than anyone else. All I know is we got a chance to witness something incredible, and we would be foolish to write it off as mere coincidence. The dead don't get it wrong."

Rev. Cash utters a prayer under his breath. Jade bows her head along with him.

Cherry Peach stuffs the .22 Bobcat back into her purse. "Thank fuck Aaron isn't as much of a creep in death as he was in life. He got it right. I had nothing to do with it."

Captain Mel clears his throat and quietly says, "Give me the gun, Peaches. We're in danger. All of us."

"We? There's no we here," Cherry Peach says. "And learn my fucking name while you're at it."

Zandra draws the lawnmower knife from up her sleeve. She sheathed it while playing bartender.

"There's so much you don't understand," Captain Mel says.

I understand perfectly. I did ever since I got into Aaron's room and saw just how shared the vent was between our rooms. Only Captain Mel could've planted the Bobcat in the vent above my Murphy bed in cabin 27, because only Captain Mel has the master key that would've gotten him into Aaron's room.

How did Captain Mel get Bobcat? He must've lifted it off of Cherry Peach the night before Aaron was killed. And how did he know Cherry Peach had a gun? There's only one way: Aaron told him, because besides Cherry Peach and myself, eavesdroppin' Aaron would've been the only one to know about the gun.

That begs the next question: why would Aaron tell Captain Mel about the gun? This is where it gets a little foggy, and to be honest with you, I haven't put together all the pieces. That's where injecting a little drama—like Aaron's "spirit" shattering Captain Mel's glass of grape juice—can hopefully flesh the finer details out. I'm certain, though, that the link between Captain Mel and Aaron has something to do with these giant audio cases.

Except for the karaoke machine here in the lounge, there's no reason for audio equipment, let alone that much audio equipment. Like Jade said on her original tour of the Curd Queen, the presentations and the demos took place in conference rooms small enough to not need a microphone. And she was correct.

So, we arrive at a number of puzzling intersections of fact: Aaron brought on an absurd quantity of cases for audio equipment, Glenn shot Aaron from shore using a sniper rifle, Captain Mel tried to set me up as Aaron's murderer, and the Curd Queen is presently anchored above a break in the bedrock of the Wisconsin River nicknamed the "Devil's Hole."

Oh, and the whole of the Curd Queen just shivered again, like someone stepped over its grave.

Zandra steps out from behind the bar.

And maybe someone just did.

"Captain, what are in these cases?" Zandra says. She points the lawnmower knife at the case that remains locked by the stairway.

Jade answers before Captain Mel can. She inspects the locked case and says, "It says here they're property of Aaron Farve."

"There's a lot more of these in storage near the stern," Zandra says, soaking in smug. "Why, captain, is one entire room on this boat stacked to the ceiling with audio equipment that isn't necessary? It may be Ivy's event, but like you said earlier, you are the king of the Curd Queen. You approve everything that comes aboard."

Captain Mel shakes his head. "If you only knew."

The boundary between the captain and everyone else in the lounge shrinks. The others, including Cherry Peach with the Bobcat, press closer.

"Here's something else that's interesting," Zandra says, encouraged by her influence over the others. "There's a murder on the Curd Queen, and you wait to summon the police until after the event is done? Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. If you even called the police, there's no way they would've taken this long. No offense, Ivy, but your event isn't worth delaying a murder investigation."

"None taken," Ivy says. She scowls at Captain Mel with the ferocity of a starved badger.

Captain Mel's blink rate increases. He curls a twist of beard between his fingers. The rise and fall of his breathing, accentuated by his barrel of a chest, becomes more noticeable.

He's deviating from his baseline. He's stressed. Let's keep it coming.

"One more thing, captain," Zandra says. "I was just on the upper level, and I noticed something quite interesting. Aaron's body, his front pockets on his pants were inside out. Not all the way out, but the lining was inverted above the lip of pockets about a quarter- to a half-inch.

"I don't need a spirit to tell me someone dug through his pockets after he was dead. I wonder what they were looking for?"

Zandra twists the lawnmower knife in the air as if the tip keys into an invisible lock.

"A key," Ivy says.

"Exactly," Zandra says. "Because if I had that much audio equipment, as Aaron did, I'd keep the keys on me. Now, captain, child, king of the Curd Queen, tell us: what's in the cases?"

The Curd Queen itself responds before Captain Mel can. The moan of a stressed hull lets loose from one side of the boat to the other.

It almost sounds like a ghost.

"You're as good as they say you are, Zandra," Captain Mel says, suddenly relaxed. His tone isn't half as gruff as it was a few moments ago. "I don't know whether psychics are real, but I can say this. There's no way you channeled Aaron's spirit."

If your out is attacking my character, go for it. That's pretty fucking weak.

Captain Mel taps the side of the locked case with his boot. "You want to know what's in here?"

"I already know, child, but do prove me right," Zandra says.

I don't, though.

"I'll show you," Captain Mel says. He pulls out a ring of keys small enough to fit into any of the audio cases Zandra discovered. He slips one of the keys into the keyhole on the locked case. When the lid opens, not even Zandra can hold in the gasp.

Inside is Aaron.

And he's very much alive.