I don't know how long it's been since i last updated this book. Months maybe? I don't know if anyone is still with it or even remember what happened at all, but id like to apologize.

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At school, Marinette's mind was spinning. What had she been thinking, kissing Chat Noir like that? Especially completely out of the blue?

She didn't want to lead Chat on.. but then again, who was it that she liked? She couldn't even decide for herself.. so what was there to regret? It wasn't right for her to do this neverless if she wasn't sure; not to mention she didn't want Chat to think it would be a good idea to reveal their identities after all this chaos.

In a very unlikely turn of events she had found herself torn between not two but three different people. And she couldn't talk to anyone about it.. as three of her closest friends were included in that. Tikki wasn't supposed to give her relationship advice if it involved Chat Noir. And Alya? Her poor heart wouldn't be able to handle Marinette throwing this all on her.

That left her all alone with her intimidating thoughts, unable to defend herself. So she knew that the only thing left to do was fight back.

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"Look.. im.. I-I... I'm.."

" ...sorry." A voice choked, clutching a phone tightly in their palm, mascara trailing down their face. The phone had simply gone to voicemail which she was overall grateful for. She wouldn't be able to face his voice.

She clutched the armrest of the couch, having collapsed onto the floor and in turn onto her knees. All of the memories had suddenly surfaced. What kind of a monster was she, allowing herself to forget them, as if they meant nothing? "I was.. young. Angry. Stupid." A teenager. She scowled at herself in the mirror, showing a disgusting excuse for a graduate student. She thought about all she had suffered throughout those years. It was a pathetic excuse for what she had partaken in and done. "I took every emotion inside of me out on the next door neighbor's boy because I thought it would make those thoughts go away. Little did I know, I was only five times as worse as my parents ever were," the sobbing continued. "I thought I would forget about it as I got older. But from time to time I'd see you, and your hostile nature had never changed. I knew that it was because of me." She clutched the phone so tightly that sweat was beginning to form between the cracks in the skin of her hand.

She attempted to stop herself from sobbing. "I know that you're angry and you think that I don't care.. but, if it's any compensation, I never forgot about it. It never went away. It was a blade that would tear at every part of me. It never let me enjoy a second of my life, knowing that I possibly ruined someone's forever. Someone innocent. Undeserving. Please, if there's anything at all that I can do.. please, let me know. I'm tired of running away. I want to fix things between us. Call me back, o-okay?" She hung up the phone, slumping against the wall, choking up another sob. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pressed them to her chest, wondering if she did the right thing, or simply brought another nightmare back into his life.

=======================

"Hello? Is Adrien home?" Marinette asked Nathalie, Gabriel Agreste's assistant through the camera in front the gate that seemed to analyze every little detail about her. By now she was used to it.

Normally, Nathalie wasn't supposed to let anyone in without prior notice or Mr. Agreste's Permission, but seeing as it was the girl who made him so happy.. she couldn't help but cave in. "Yes, I believe he's in his room. Come in."

The gate began to open, allowing Marinette unescorted access to the mansion. Surprisingly, she had memorized every part of it despite only being here about two or three times. What she hadn't seen she just had to guess.

Trudging her way to his room, Nathalie watched her from the bottom of the main stairs by the front door, as she was required to "supervise." But she didn't bother following her.

The walk through the long, extended corridor leading to Adrien's room felt like an eternity. Maybe it was because so many thoughts swirled around her mind- what would she say to him?

She reached his room door, and knocked in it slowly. She waited about two minutes and nobody came to the door. Thinking maybe he was asleep, she opened to door to make sure- and what she saw shocked her.

Adrien's window was wide open, his clothes scattered across the floor, and not a trace of him left.

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"Leave me alone, Adrien," he sighed contently, focus on the busy street beneath the railing he was leaning on. Maybe if he just stared long enough, his brother would eventually go away.

"Not until you tell me what's been going on, Felix." Chat Noir's ring beeped a couple of times before flashing and releasing his transformation, leaving only Adrien standing in his place. "I'm your brother. I have a right to know."

"It's.. none of your business." Felix muttered, though his tone was not cold or annoyed- but instead of a gloomy nature. His eyes sparkled with what could pass as tears, but would definitely not surpass their current intensity. 

"I don't want to push you to tell me, but I only want to help you. You've done so much for me, Felix, and I'm sorry for not realizing it sooner. I want to be there for you too." Adrien said, joining his sibling at the edge of the railing, admiring the stars above them.

Felix turned his head away. He'd always said he would never let anyone in, especially not his ignorant brother.. but he could scarcely feel his insides slowly decaying away. He wasn't even sure what he wanted anymore. Throughout the past few months, he had experienced so much, and lost parts of himself.. that maybe should have never been there in the first place. There was no doubt in his mind that he had changed.. he just wasn't sure if he was ready to  accept that yet.

Thinking back, he remembered the promise he had made to himself. In a pool of his own blood, swiftly scooped into his father's arms, he had vowed to never release the truth about what had happened to him. His fear had overtaken him, and he had allowed himself to be broken. That was why he hadn't told anyone- that was the only way he could feel truly complete. Because maybe if nobody knew, if he tried desperately to forget, then it's existence would disappear into the universe forever, along with the terrible effect it had on him.

But Adrien did deserve to know. And that promise wasn't valid anymore. So finally, he choked the words out.

"I... don't want to forgive her Adrien.." he squeezed his eyes shut, imaging her cold, dead gaze smiling wickedly at him. He turned his palm over, his finger tracing a bright red scar that extended from the top of his thumb to the bone of his wrist. He remembered how he got that one.

Receiving the call from her was easily an emotional breakdown from Felix. Hearing her voice again was enough to make his veins seethe, his mouth string curses. She had poisoned him. His mind, his body, everything about him had been reshaped and broken into a monster he couldn't even bare to meet eyes with in the mirror.

"Esther..." Adrien breathed, locking eyes with Felix momentarily, his orbs sparkling with curiosity. "You never did tell me what happened between you two, Felix." His gaze then turned stern, a caring expression crossing his face. He wanted to know. But just simply telling him.. it wasn't that easy, nor would it ever be.

"She hurt me, Adrien." he decided to skim past the details. "In ways that are forever carved into the back of my mind, the grooves of my skin.."

He had suddenly gasped for air, clutching the bar of the balcony, clutching his chest. He could feel a panic attack taking him over- forming within the depths of his stomach- making his fists clench until they turned an alarming shade of white. Closing his eyes and grunting, he overpowered it. Adrien stood with a hand on his shoulder, concerned. Felix nodded, signifying he was alright.

"You know you don't have to forgive her, Felix. Some things are best left untamed." Adrien said, looking away. He knew he'd never understand, or truly know the extent of what had happened.. but terrifying Felix, his fearless older brother, was a truly impossible task. So it must have been something truly scarring to get him so worked up.

"That's the problem, Adrien. I don't know if I can be angry anymore.. but at the same time, I can't leave these things to be unsaid. I need to talk to her. No matter how much it hurts, how much it writhes.. this is the only way I will ever be able to compensate."His eyes sparkled.

Adrien frowned. "But Felix, what she did to you? That was unforgivable.. and I know it. I can see it."

"I know.." he trailed off. For the first
time, his mind didn't wander back to those terrifying memories at their mention. Instead, he found himself wondering if going to see her really was a good idea. He looked back at Adrien, his mind a scrambled and confused mess, realizing only one thing.

"Im going to go see her."

Adrien jumped in surprise. "What?"

Felix's hands released the railing, taking a step back and whipping out his phone, his eyes gazing at his most recent call from Esther.

"She was crying, Adrien. I have never cried over this matter like that before. She sounded completely sincere."