you can read this as a second part of 'home' or as a one shot 💝 + inspired by the song 'you were good to me' by Jeremy zucker

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"Yeonjun- hey, are you filming me?!" the audio replayed the sound of your voice through the small phone Yeonjun held delicately in his palms, a regretful smile on his lips. He was sitting on the floor of his new room. Now they moved out of their cramped room, he had his own room.

It was lonely.

He looks at the video of you and him in America during his trainee days. You had saved up to fly to America just to see him, and Yeonjun was remembered the day vividly.

It was a hot summer day and he had decided to take you out to the beach. Your yellow sun dress was flowing in the wind as he filmed you dancing at the edge of the shore. You had been singing to moana's 'how far ill go' off-key, and Yeonjun had whipped out his phone to take the video.

You didn't realize it at first. Too focused on making sure your bare feet didn't touch the water when the tide rose. The corners of his lips curled up, he pulls his legs to his chest as he rewinded.

The golden color from the setting sun casted a glow onto your skin. The way the wind blew your hair right into your face, and the way you laughed instead of getting frustrated over it were the little things Yeonjun had grown to love.

And apparently, for a reason he desperately wants to know now, he had grown out of.

He had chosen his career over you and he was the one who left. Left you alone in the apartment you both bought together. You had moved to Seoul, left your home to live with him and support him. brought nothing but a suitcase and a genuine heart you had given to him to protect. But he had left you alone, with a broken heart.

"Stop filming me," You giggled softly when you caught him, lightly hitting him.

"Nu-uh, this is too precious. I'm keeping it,"

You pouted, "Junnie, I'm literally singing a Disney song off-key, there's nothing precious about this,"

Yeonjun remembered shaking his finger behind the camera, making a hum of disapproval, "No, no. that makes it more precious," he laughs, "Precious-er," he says in English.

"junnie.. hey, stop!" You had run over to him, giggling, tackling him until he fell onto the sand, on top of him. It was wet, he remembered, but he was too busy laughing and making sure you didn't get hurt from the fall to care. The phone clattered by the side and the screen slowly turns black. The last sounds he heard being the giggles from you and him.

Yeonjun lets the video stop. The replay button appears and he sits there in the silence.

It had been a year. A whole year without you. a whole year without hearing anything from you, without having you sleep in his arms again. Without walking home to see you dancing in your shared living room, in your shared apartment, dancing to his unreleased songs in his hoodie.

He didnt remember when he started to miss you again. All he knew was that he fell deep into depression and regret when he did. He remembered staying up at night late, opening kakao talk and sending you countless of messages. There was one point where he gave up and just sent voice messages instead.

Despite you already blocking him.

"(Y/n)," Yeonjun weakly whispered in the dead of the night, curled up in his dorms under the sheets, "I- I am so sorry,"

He had cried himself so much that night, his voice messages consisted of sobs, regrets spilling from his lips.

"I'm so sorry I lied. You deserved better. You deserved someone to love you endlessly, to stay with you and protect you," he paused, "I'm so sorry I broke your heart. I didn't deserve you, (Y/n),"

Yeonjun's voice broke at the end. He was never a weak person, he had never cried so much. But the mistakes were taking over him, clouding his head. he wondered, if you had felt this way when he did. the last thing he had remembered of you had been the broken smile you gave him when he left.

"You were good to me, (Y/n)," Yeonjun heaves out, "too good. I love you, so fucking much, the years I spent loving you was never a lie. It was honest. I'm so sorry for leaving you. I'm so sorry for making you the second option. You talked about getting married and growing old together and-" yeonjun had to muffle his voice with his pillow, his breath ragged, "And I left you. it was unfair of me to do it,"

"if-if you come back," he slows down, wiping his tears on his sleeve, "ill never hurt you again. ill never let you go. I swear, I'll be different than before."

He knew it was futile to do it. But it made him feel the least bit stressed.

the members had been close to you, so the day he announced the break up, they were devastated. but they comforted yeonjun, that night. gave him hugs and reassured him that the first love had almost always never ends well.

but that was because yeonjun told them you both broke up. not the truth : that he had left you. yeonjun felt sick to the stomach for himself, but didn't want to break his members even more.

years later, the night of their successful comeback, clashed exactly at the day your anniversary was. the day you had met yeonjun in the school campus. bumped into him while you were late to class. you had both agreed back then, that it was a miracle.

now, Yeonjun had stood on the stage alone. about to give his own words. he took a deep breath.

"Moa," Yeonjun spoke, his fingers slightly trembling, the microphone unsteady in his hands, "its not easy to have a successful comeback like this...i have to thank the members for always cheering for me, staff who are always ready to handle any mistakes we made, manager nim for always making us arrive on time.." he trailed off, his eyes starting to sting, "...and I just want to say to Moa, when there's someone who loves you and someone supports you unconditionally, make sure you love them back. and don't ever let them go,"

it was extremely vague, sudden and out of context, but his voice breaks by the end of the sentence and he covers his face with his hands, the one holding the microphone dropping onto the floor.

on that stage, in front of thousands, the confident, calm, playful and snarky hyung Choi Yeonjun breaks down.

little did he know you were watching from your phone, your own tears falling from your face.