"Let go," he could hear Yeonjun whispering. His voice sounded unusually harsh to Soobin's ears, and he felt his own tears tumble down again. He looked down at their intertwined hands helplessly, hopelessly. Fingers that'd threaded through his hair, that had traced almost every inch of his own skin.

Unable to speak, he shook his head. The older boy simply looked at him with a mixture of fondness, bitterness and...a tinge of regret. I'm sorry, he thought. I wish I didn't have to do this.

I don't want to do this.

But he had no choice. It was to do this, or risk the group being dragged down.

But what are you doing to him? The question resurfaced in Yeonjun's mind, but he shoved it away. If I think of anything else, there's no way he'd be able to do this.

No way he'd be able to leave.

"Let go, Soobin-ah," but he couldn't stop his voice from fracturing, the treacherous thing it was. He hated seeing the younger boy like this, tears streaming down his eyes, his hair ruffled and messy. Like he'd run through it a little too many times, tugging at the strands.

You did this, his heart chided. You did this. But Yeonjun resisted the urge to lean forward, to pull him close and kiss his tears away. Resisted the pull, the deep-rooted yearning in his bones, to pull him closer and kiss him senseless, to walk back to the dorm and pretend that everything would be okay. Every fibre of his being told him to run. The same way he'd been told.

But he wanted to run towards him, instead of running away.

"N-no," the younger boy suddenly choked out, his eyes red and puffy as he looked up at Yeonjun. And for a moment it was like they were back where they first met, once again.

Because from the moment they locked eyes, Yeonjun knew. He didn't know that he'd have fallen as deeply as he did, as he would now, but some part of him knew all the same.

How was it, that looking at someone, could bring such a tsunami of emotions? He remembered the curiosity that came first looking at the younger, that quickly turned into adoration, before becoming something deeper. He could feel his heart twirling again, only twirling didn't cover the way his heart ricocheted against his chest, spinning around in a frenzy. Didn't explain the way the younger boy knocked the breath out of him, just by stepping into a room. Couldn't explain the way his lips curled up unknowingly just looking at him, the way his eyes lit up the moment he met Soobin's. There were little glimpses in time, little moments where Yeonjun swore he could love him forever.

But just as one of his favourite books said, sometimes forever was just a second.

But maybe a second was enough, when it came to him.

"Please," Soobin's voice fractured. "Please don't leave." The last word came out in a whisper, like a piece of glass so thinly sliced that it would fracture upon touch, suspended between them.

"I've no choice, Soobin-ah. I have to leave," Yeonjun answered, trying to prevent his own tears from spilling out. He hated seeing the younger boy like this, hated it when he cried. Despite being taller than him, Soobin somehow always managed to look smaller than he was, and Yeonjun resisted the urge that crashed over him like a tsunami to pull him close once again, to hug him and let him rest on his shoulder, to just go back and pretend it'll all work out somehow.

Maybe it'd work like that in the movies, but this was real life.

There weren't always happy endings.

If there was, then life wouldn't be quite as interesting now, would it?

But maybe it'd be better if life was a little less...interesting, sometimes.

"Please, hyung- please? For me?"

More than anything that has happened so far, Yeonjun thinks it's the last two words that fracture him. And it's all he can do to pull away, to close his eyes and pretend that it's not the love of his life standing in front of him, to pretend that they meant nothing to him.

To watch what he held closest to his heart crumples, folding right before his eyes as his world crumples into nothing but what feels like paper and ash.

A flame burning too bright, he thinks idly. Too fast. But any thoughts cannot be further from the truth.

He knows he loves Soobin, that much is true.

This is why it hurts, even more, to do this, to squash the small flickering ember of hope in his chocolate brown eyes, their hands still entwined.

"I wish I could, Soobin-ah. Wish there was a way I could. But if I don't, this spells the end for all of us. Is that what you really want?"

Hearing this, Soobin deflates. As much as he hates the words, he knows there is truth behind them. If anyone caught a slip of it, of this, there was no way the company would continue letting them promote.

Especially not with the footage that they threatened to send. The rumours had already started, and as much as Soobin wanted to believe the company and trust that they'd keep the group together, he had no doubt they'd separate them the moment things changed.

But they hadn't reached that point yet- had they?

"I don't know what I want, hyung. I just know I want you," he whispered, the words ragged against his throat, that felt like it'd been rubbed raw from crying. But the words burned as fiercely over his heart, blazing over them, as if engraving themselves in his skin, in every inch of tissue within him.

Hearing this, Yeonjun's eyes fluttered shut painfully, a wistful smile crossing his face. Wordlessly, he moved his hand up to cup Soobin's cheek, moving his face up so that their eyes met. He savoured the feel of soft skin under his fingers, the slight bite of cold, unlike Soobin's usual warmth. "And you have me, Binnie- in whatever way that matters. But I can't stay here anymore, Soobin. I'd love to, more than anything," Yeonjun could feel his eyes watering again.

"You know hyung's telling you the truth, right?" A small nod. Smiling through his pain, Yeonjun continued. " I really wish I could. But there's nothing I can do now, nothing we can do now. I love you, Soobin-ah, I really do. But I don't know how long more we can do this,"

Hearing this, Soobin felt his heart constrict, the once-alien feeling of dread crashing over him, building in his stomach like ice. His heart felt leaden against his chest, like coal.

"Maybe it's better to end things here, Soobin-ah."

And there they were. The few words Soobin had hoped would never come out of his hyung's mouth, the words he'd been anticipating and dreading this whole time.

"Y-you," he stumbled over his words, not quite sure if he could even say them," You want us to break up?"

Yeonjun tried to smile reassuringly, but the best he could muster was a small curl of the lips, any energy for pretence drained out of him. It felt like his heart was being shredded to pieces and yet he somehow held himself together, all sinew and bone. The younger shrunk away from his touch slightly, and Yeonjun tried suppressing the flicker of hurt flashing in his eyes. "It's for the best," he answered. But even as the words left his lips, he was unconvinced. How many times had he seen the same words whispered in dramas, uttered over and over again by the main lead? How many times had he seen this kind of scene unfold, almost dazedly, thinking that something like this couldn't be real?

Yet as the irony of the situation struck him, all he could think about was Soobin. The same boy he'd watched the dramas with, listened to as he watched on, enraptured. Yeonjun had never been much of a drama person, but he loved watching them with Soobin. Every smile, every laugh. He loved watching his eyes light up, watching as he smiled. It was like watching the sunrise on a breezy morning, like watching the stars light up at the cusp of dusk, something that felt both poetic and almost surreal. Almost for the stolen moments between them, the quiet kisses, the stolen lies, the adoring glances when no one was watching.

If only, he thought. If only they lived in another world, one not quite like this one. He could imagine the sneers, the glares hurled if they ever got out. As long as I have him, nothing else matters, half of his mind thought. But he knew it wasn't true. A life where they would be under constant bombardment, under the harsh scrutiny of the public eye terrified Yeonjun, and he wasn't scared to admit it. But what he was most terrified about is what it meant for the younger boy and the maknaes. Technically, he shouldn't call them boys- they weren't boys anymore, had long since grown into adults, but it was hard, sometimes, not to slip back into the past and pretend everything was gentler, simpler. But even if he could bear the words, the comments, he didn't want them directed at the younger boy. Yeonjun knew he was strong, but he couldn't ignore the fractured look in his eyes whenever he saw those comments, the words that got to him slowly, but surely, even as Yeonjun tried to pull him away, to drag him away from those thoughts. And if he could minimise it, he would.

He would.

Even if it meant pulling away.

"I-it can't -" Soobin couldn't even find it in himself to speak, choking over his words, the tears spilling out, staining his cheeks, faster than he could stop them, but Yeonjun knew the words all the same- It can't be the best, not when I'm not with you. Not when I'm left alone.

"I know," he whispered softly, his eyes soft, ice hanging onto his eyelashes. Soobin couldn't remember when he'd seen them, couldn't remember how long they'd been standing there.

"I know." Quietly, Yeonjun pressed his forehead against Soobin's forehead, the same way they'd done so so many times before. The way they did when they knew there were cameras rolling somewhere, but weren't sure where they were. It worked, between them, when they needed some comfort, some reprieve. Soobin's skin was cold to the touch, steaks running down his face. Wordlessly, Yeonjun raised his hand to his cheek, leaving it bare inches away from his face, eyes glancing at him imploringly. Soobin's eyes softened for a while, before he leaned back into his touch, almost collapsing under it. He felt like fire, blazing and brilliant, and Soobin couldn't help but melt.

No matter how long it'd been. "What more can we do?" Yeonjun whispered again, his voice barely inches away from his heart. Quietly, Soobin threaded their fingers together, pulling the other boy closer to him. As much as he wanted to complain, to protest and drag him back, he knew his mind was set. And there wasn't really any going around that, no matter how much Soobin wished there was. A relationship was a dance between two people, after all. And the same dance couldn't continue when someone pulled away. So dance, his mind whispered. Except this time he would be dancing alone. Without the press of bodies that had kept him grounded for so long, without the brushing of hands, the feathery touches. Without the awkward but endearing tangle of limbs, the brushes of warmth that spiralled up his chest, barrelling into his heart slowly.

Instead of answering his question, Soobin simply hugged him, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Stay?" He whispered. "Just one more night?" The undercurrent of his voice crackled as he spoke, like fire burning at the hearth, warming him almost as much as it was threatening to melt him from within.

Not that he minded. Not really.

The rational part of Yeonjun's brain yelled no, but humans weren't human if they were rational all the time.

And looking at the boy before him, his eyes glancing up at him hopefully, his lips parted in a small pout, Yeonjun felt his resolve crumble.

"Just one more night," Yeonjun affirmed, letting the younger boy pull him closer, close enough that their bodies pressed against one another, before leaning up to seal their lips together.

The kiss was soft, almost unsure, not quite unlike the first one they ever had, but Yeonjun loved it anyway. Stay with me, the words pressing against his lips, soft and almost feverish, their tongues dancing around in an unspoken tango, until someone's tongue brushed against the other's lips, set more to tasting than anything, as if trying to engrave the memory of the last five years in the span of a few hours. Remember me, the words came in an unspoken current, every syllable pronounced with the flutter of lips, the rare clash of teeth, the bated breaths.

Soobin wasn't really sure how they ended up back in the dorms, the doors locked behind them. All he could think, all he could feel was Yeonjun, the awkward fumbling of fingers, of feathery touches brushing against his skin. The way their lips slotted easily together, their heartbeats as one. The soft drone of the older boy's voice, when he was soothing him from a nightmare, or when he was coaxing him out of his shell, muttering sweet nothings into the crook of his neck, nibbling gently in his earlobe. The way he was always there, next to him no matter what.

Us against the world, he'd hummed softly once. I'll be next to you for as long as I can.

But as warm arms wrapped around him, under the covers once again, Soobin couldn't help but feel that 'as long as I can,' wasn't long enough for him.

He wanted forever.

But for now, he stayed inside his arms, safe and sound, the older boy's presence almost like a talisman, or a blessing of sorts. It wouldn't make everything magically better, though it came close to it some days. But it'd make them easier, somehow. The boy before him light him up in ways he wouldn't have been able to imagine, not before. And seeing him leave, Soobin knew, would be like extinguishing the brightest star in his heart.

But even when the stars exploded, there was that one blissful moment before everything went to hell, when everything seemed to stop existing, where hydrogen ran out. To Soobin, it was almost like the oxygen had been pulled out of his lungs, and he felt himself craving. Plunging himself into the deep void of what could have been, but what he'd no longer know.

What he'd known before.

Him.

And as much as he tried to stop his mind to trick him into pretending, into believing, that Yeonjun would wake up in his arms the next morning, he couldn't help it.

The heart wanted what it wanted, although that didn't always mean it was right.

I love you, the last brush of lips against his own.

Forgive me, pressed a kiss to his forehead.

But when Soobin woke up the next morning, all he saw were crumpled sheets, the only indication of the boy who'd been here mere hours ago was the slight dip in the other side of the bed, the soft dent in his pillow, and the necklace left on his bed, a small note on it. Remember me. 

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A/N: 2630 words! Technically, this update wasn't meant until later, but I've been agonizing over this for ages, so...here it is! Yup, I'm going a little mad- p.s. the quote mentioned that "sometimes forever is just a second," is from Alice in Wonderland- I chanced upon it and somehow thought it fit-  I hope you guys will enjoy this! ❤️