oh man guys im just so tired.

like, the usual litmus for mental health is that "if it effects every day life, something's probably wrong" but it never really occurred to me with emetophobia bc holy crap it IS my everyday life

for the longest when i was little i thought everyone had this retarded neurotic fear of throwing up bc it was just so engrained in my life

it hurts that the rest of yall can just. freaking live life. i honestly cant even imagine not having this it effects so mhch of what i do and how i think and how i act and how i enjoy things.

its so exhausting. its terrifying to imagine im gonna have to live my life like this. i thought i was getting better but now i feel awful bc i havent eaten much because im too FREAKI NG SCARED. its been 17 years and nothing has even changed and another 17 years of it just gives me so much dread

its all it is dread. so much dread. this is such a stupid thing i can barely talk aboit it and i cant make my parents and my therapist understand how horrible it is

right now its all just so tiring and im just hopeless