are relatable characters good characters?

i see this so much in writing advice. "make your main character relatable!" but,,what does that even mean? what even is 'relatable'?

let's take a good (bad) example: isekai anime. this specific genre of "~relatable~ loser gets trapped in another world full of women that want to bone him" wish fulfilment tumor fiction is my ur-example for why 'relatable' isnt always 'good'

let's take the ugly granddad of all isekai: sword art online. kirito is, in theory, a relatable main character according to the newfangled awful laws of relatable main characters

he is in highschool, has no gf (initially), a loser who plays a lot of video games, and is "socially awkward" in sao's terrible tell, dont show writing. he fits the trope to the t for the demographic of the audience

but does this make kirito any less of a stale loaf of isekai harem bread? 

of course not! kirito is awful!

see, in my opinion, people are missing the mark about "relatable characters." relatable isnt just about having titties, being in highschool, or liking video games.

let's talk about some characters i did relate to:

natsume takashi, 15 year old boy that sees spirits.

peridot, a green alien

lapis (!), a blue alien that can fly

shigeo kagayama, a 14 year old boy with crazy psychic powers

on the surface, none of these characters have anything in common with me. theoretically, they shouldn't be "relatable", right?

i think relating to a character is about their personality and actions in the story, not superficial details. lets run down the list-

i related to natsume bc of his issues with expressing his feelings, and constantly assuming hes a burden to his friends.

(next two are big su spoilers, btw)

i related to both lapis (SOMEHOW) and peridot in raising the barn. peridots issue of not wanting to incite lapis's rage and instead choosing to lie to her about how she felt struck a cord, but lapis's fear of another conflict and desire to run to the other end of the universe was exactly what i would do in that situation.

and, finally, i related to shigeo because of his emotionally repression that usually resulted in a total meltdown.

so, how could kirito be relatable?

for starters, i would wipe out the wish fulfillment out of the show.

next, i would make kirito actually show his social anxiety, have defining scenes where he became overwhelmed or frustrated, and use that as a justification of why he turned to playing video games.

i would keep kirito a powerful beta player- but i would make him struggle. id have someone beat him, and then him go through a crisis as he doubts his competence at the one thing he thought he was good at. that crushing feeling that youre not good at what youre passionate at is sure to reach out to someone.

and have kirito would through his social problems as he gains his harem of ladies- with asuna both leaning on him for help and also helping him at the same time.

and, of course, the deaths in the game would affect him way more and actually motivate him realistically

(dang, sao was a good concept i want to go back in time and write it before that dude did)

now, does kirito feel a little more relatable?

its all in the personality.