A message from Jazz popped on my front screen. "Incoming bombs on dikSHITa in 3 . . ."

This was the hundredth time Jazz had typed her name like that, but I didn't have the heart to crush her pride and tell her it wasn't funny anymore. Not that I was kind, but because my heart was pumping fast like the engine of a Ferrari and the loud sound of it blasted in my ears. I was entering Dev's college, dressed in a red dress as he had invited me on a date. The whole of me was determined to turn whatever this college event was into a date and the pressure of that responsibility made my hair stick to the sweat sheening my neck.

"2 . . . " I shouldn't have told Jazz about any of this, she had pushed me to wear a Valentine dress. God, why was everyone wearing a black t-shirt? To add a cherry on top of my flamboyance, I was wearing heels the size of Burj Khalifa.

I began furiously typing, "I told you Jazz that a dress was a bad idea. Nobody here---"

"1!"

"Hey, you came! You came on just the right time!" The voice that I didn't want to hear interrupted the beating of my heart. A shrill voice that made my heart skip multiple beats and my fingers fumble with my phone. I had a quick second to recover from the suddenness of her appearance and that I did. I had to, to preserve my dignity.

"Hey, Dikshita," the name rolled on my tongue from the memory of Jazz spitting it out, a jarring pause before shit. "Where's Dev?"

She ignored my question, her thick palms clasping my arms with the joy of seizing the last loaf of bread in a store. "You look so pretty! I can never pull off dresses like these. Only a person like you can carry it so well."

Underneath the guise of humility was her taunt, licking its lips after biting me sharply.

"My friend told me to wear this," I blamed it on Jazz, a bit too hastily, for I was ashamed of being overdressed even though I didn't want to appear so in front of her. By saying "only you" she had already excluded me from the majority of people present here. She had snatched any sense of belongingness. The only person I wanted to belong to, who could make me feel belonged here was Dev. "Where's Dev?"

"Dev, Dev, Dev! He needs to be left alone! His event is about to start now and he's busy ," she said, clinging to my arm like a Koala and laughing. "It's a quiz event and they need more participants. You have to participate with me. It's a two people team and we're the bestest pair!"

Bestest pair. This had to be the Gods above mocking me.

I took to diffidence to defend myself from Gods' ridicule. "I'm not good at commerce, economy-related stuff. I'm haven't taken economics at---"

"It's nothing related to that, don't worry!" She bent down to write our names on a printed excel sheet, her top riding up and revealing hot pink underwear. Now that was something I couldn't pull off. Wait a minute, when had we arrived at the registration desk? Before I could process the hot pink underwear or my name dirtily scrawled in the list, she dragged me inside the auditorium and forced me to sit on the stools on the stage. Inside, it was too quiet to protest.

I was hurled into the spotlight, my body diaphanous for everyone to judge my pride, my intelligence, my wit. The quiz hadn't even started and I was scratching my head for all the potential questions that would humiliate me. The dress and heels drew more eyes towards me and I folded my legs, in a last attempt to not let the dress expose my underwear. Unlike Dikshita's, my underwear wasn't a sight to see. Suddenly, some angel placed a long writing pad on my lap and I looked up, squinting against the light penetrating my being. It was Dev who tapped on the writing pad and asked, "Is this comfortable for you?"

I nodded in a daze, nodded long after he had disappeared, dearly holding on to the writing pad like Rose on a buoyant wooden panel in Titanic. More lights flashed from all directions, vanishing shadows and not giving me the solace of my own shadow. The first question passed me like an unseen ghost. I was haunted by it long after it had been answered by Dikshita. Who is a dominant leader under an oligopoly? She lied to me! She assured me there wouldn't be any gibberish questions like this! But then what did I expect? This wasn't eighth grade where I would be asked to name the rulers of princely states.

Despite the bright, irritable lights, I could see her smug smile as her eyes danced towards Dev in triumph. Question after question, answer after answer, she blazed brighter than the lights above. After a point, I began clandestinely cheering the other teams, but they were as dumb as me.

After the easy win, a golden trophy was handed to her and a microphone where she gushed about everything- her childhood, her parents, her remote friends as if she had won Oscars. I could see the eyes of the people skim over me like I was an unwanted passage in a novel. I had endured all of it till then, this cruel fate, but she thrust the microphone towards me.

"I can't speak," I hissed and she urged me to hold the microphone. "What will I say? I didn't even know what oligopoly was!"

The microphone caught those words and it echoed everywhere, peals of laughter breaking from different corners of the auditorium. God. It took a second for tears to spring and loosely hold on to my eyes. She uttered in the microphone, "Oh no, why are you crying? Are you okay?"

The laughter ceased and all eyes narrowed on me, anticipating my next move with bated breath.

"What will you do if I say yes?" The whisper of my voice reached far corners. "A person in love is never okay. I love Dev and you keep coming in between us! Why don't you take a hint? Why can't you stay away from us and let things just be?"

The whisper of my voice reached far corners of my brain. It took every muscle in my body to not say those words that were screaming in my head. I was above that stupid jealousy. Plus, I didn't trust my voice with tears threatening to seep in the cracks and give it a nasal, song-like intonation. Plus-plus, I didn't have the guts to lay claim on a man who most likely didn't love me back.

Everyone had their eyes on me with bated breath and I had to say something, so I did, "I'm fine. The lights are making my eyes watery." I sucked in a breath, knowing that my words failed to convince anyone. So I cleared my throat, starting again, "Anyway, why do we need so many lights when we have her shining like a star?" People clapped at an overly pleased Dikshita, the microphone was taken away and I stepped towards her for a hug. It was my body that instinctively took revenge on her. The Burj Khalifa heels smashed her toes. "Oh, sorry. Are you okay? Oh no, are there tears in your eyes?"

My sickly, sweet mime of her drained the blood from her face, but she recovered fast and said, "Are you going home now? Dev asked me out today so we can't travel with you."

That second, the mic dropped and screeched, it's screech like the cry of an injured animal. Covering my ears, I hurriedly climbed down the stage and rushed past the people who were escaping the noise. Stupid, stupid, stupid! All these efforts . . . All these months . . . All these lies that I had told my parents whenever I was with him . . . All was for nothing.

I tripped on my heels, a jerk gripping my ankle and before I was about to sink to the ground in hopelessness, a strong hand caught my arm, burning my skin. "Hey, where are you going? What happened?"

I peered into Dev's face, his features blurred by my tears. That was how much I knew him. The blurry version of him. "Why do you care?"

"Tulsi---"

"Leave me," I snapped, wrenching my arm free from his hold and brushing past him, getting as far away from his voice as humanely possible. It was all over. Or so I thought.

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