Atifa's pov :

I was woken up by my alarm ringing continuously for a while. Groaning, I could feel a headache coming my way. Picking up my mobile, I squinted my eyes to watch the time. It was 5:45 pm. I slept for around one hour. Sitting up on my bed, I frowned. I don't remember putting an alarm before going to nap. My eyes wandered towards the window to see it closed. I don't remembering closing it too. I looked around my room and everything else seemed to be in its place, as it was before.

Someone came in my room? Maybe someone did, but who? My mind was reeling trying to think who could have come in here. Once again my gaze fell on my mobile and I saw the time. Ya Allah it was going to be Magrib soon! Quickly standing up, I went to freshen up and make wudu.

After praying, I folded the blanket and kept it in its place. Watching my room once again to see if I needed to keep something else in its place, I donned my hijab before leaving the room. I have to wash the dishes but before that, I decided to check up on the kids.

Opening the door of their room, I saw that they were still sleeping. Going towards them I gently tried to wake them up. "Amira, Alayna wake up now. You both have to pray asr." I reminded while patting them but to no avail. A tired sigh left my lips. These kids! How deep do they sleep?

Someone cleared their throat making me startled. "They won't wake up like this. Let me wake them up." I heard a deep voice from behind me. I turned around just to see him standing in the doorway. Without looking up at him, I moved aside, giving him space to come and wake them up. He came inside and before I could see what he was going to do, I left the room rushing downstairs to the kitchen.

I was surprised thinking how did he even come upstairs. I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't have just decided to come up when he knows that I stay there. Maybe ammi sent him there, but I still wasn't sure.

Also, I didn't want to stay in the same room as him. Especially when my mind was going haywire just because of his arrival and ammi's change of behaviour. And there is also a hadith that when a man and woman are alone in the room, the third person is shaytan. We should avoid getting in such situations where we will be left alone with opposite gender. It saves us from the fitnah. And even though I know that we weren't alone since basically, Amira and Alayna were there too, but we shouldn't forget the fact that they were sleeping and so, it would be counted as us alone.

I started doing the dishes while doing dhikr. I didn't want my mind to explode from all these thoughts. After doing the dishes and keeping them in their places, I walked out of the kitchen. It was almost magrib time now.

As I was going towards the stairs, I saw him coming downstairs and it was then that I noticed his outfit. I was so busy in my thoughts that I didn't notice it before. He was wearing a plain white shirt and blue pants. His hair was a bit messy, maybe because of running his hand through them again and again. I almost caught his gaze before lowering my eyes. "Astagfirullah." I muttered under my breath.

Ya Allah why do I keep doing this?! This isn't me. I don't do this! Shaking my head, I headed upstairs. Maybe because I overheard their conversation I was feeling this way and behaving like this. This can be the only valid reason I have.

As I was walking towards my room, I heard Amira and Alayna's voices, meaning they were up. Sighing in relief, just as I entered my room, magrib azaan went off. I made my wudu once again, just in case and started praying.

After I was done praying, I took my Quran and started reading Surah Mulk, Surah Waàqiah and Surah Sijda/Sajda. There are a few hadith regarding them.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A soorah from the Qur'aan containing thirty verses will intercede for a man so that he will be forgiven. It is the soorah Tabaarak Alathi bi yadihi'l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk]."

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2891; Abu Dawood, 1400; Ibn Maajah, 3786.

It was narrated that 'Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood said: Whoever reads Tabaarak allaahi bi yadihi'l-mulk [i.e., Soorat al-Mulk] every night, Allaah will protect him from the torment of the grave. At the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) we used to call it al-maani'ah (that which protects). In the Book of Allaah it is a soorah which, whoever recites it every night has done very well.

Narrated by al-Nasaa'i, 6/179; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa'l-Tarheeb, 1475.

Subhan Allah, don't we all want to be pulled out from the torment of grave when the time comes?

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2137 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If anyone recites a letter from Allah's Book he will be credited with a good deed, and a good deed gets a tenfold reward. I do not say that Alif-Lam-Mim are one letter, but alif is a letter, lam is a letter and mim is a letter."

And if by just reading Surah Mulk every night our sins will be forgiven and we will be protected by the torment of the grave than why should we miss the chance? Because surely on the day of judgment we will be asking others to give us at least just one reward and we will beg for our sins to be forgiven. And here, if we just read this Surah every night it will fight for us, for our sins to be forgiven.

And the torment of grave. We will all have to face the angel of death and answer his questions. And if we have done something wrong then our punishment will start from the grave itself. So if reading this Surah will protect us from that too then why should we miss reading it?

And we will also get rewards for reading it. As said in one of the above hadith that just reading one alphabet means gaining ten rewards. It isn't even one word but just one arabic alphabet. Subhan Allah, just how much rewards will we gain by reading Quran for a while. It is something to ponder and work upon.

._._._.

It was past Isha, after praying I was in the kitchen thinking what else to make. I was confused and so, I called Amira and Alayna in the kitchen.

"What would you guys like to eat for dinner?" I asked them. A frown adorning my face as I checked the cupboards, wishing I could magically find something to make. Turning around to look at them, I found them glancing at each other before grinning cheekily. I raised my eyebrows at them questioningly.

"What about spaghetti?" They both exclaimed excitedly.

It wasn't a bad idea, but I doubt ammi would agree about having spaghetti for dinner. Just as I was thinking about it, ammi came inside the kitchen.

"Atifa can you make chicken for dinner? I kept it in the fridge in the afternoon, it must be soft by now." She asked me while opening the fridge and taking out the chicken.

I glanced at the kids apologetically. "Yeah sure ammi." Replying, I started taking out the spices and vegetables. Ammi started washing the chicken as Amira and Alayna left the kitchen.

"What do you say we make Chicken gravy? The one which you guys love." She asked me while cutting the chicken into smaller pieces.

Once again I was surprised at her attempt to make these small conversations. I missed them so much. Tears brimmed my eyes and I blinked them back. I have to answer ammi now, talk to her and make memories like before. Who knows till when will this last? I reminded myself as I answered her, trying to be a bit cheerful. "Whatever you say, I will be up for it!"

"Perfect! So chicken gravy is it." She replied while looking at me happily. I could finally see the lost spark returning back in her eyes. This made me hopeful that maybe, just maybe things will go back to how they used to be.

"I have some office work right now so I will be back in a while." After cutting the chicken into smaller pieces, ammi informed me while drying her hands. Smiling at me, she left the kitchen. I started cutting the vegetables and making the chicken gravy. I hoped it turns out good, it has been a while since I made it.

._._._.

I was sitting on my bed getting ready to sleep after setting up the only guestroom downstairs. Thankfully, the dinner went without anyone's interruptions. And you wouldn't know how relieved I was for that. Although I will agree that having that guy around was nerve-wracking, but watching ammi like this after so much time just because of that guy, I think I could take it up for a while. I haven't really thought about what I heard downstairs. Yes, it did cross my mind many times but I dismissed it or tried to engage myself in some other task.

A knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I said while looking at the door. Ammi cracked the door open before peeking, coming in, she closed the door. I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips. Sitting beside me on the bed, she took my hands in her own.

The warmth that I felt after so long made me nostalgic and I realised just how much I have missed her and her touch of affection. Her bear hugs and our cuddles. Those forehead and cheeks kisses. I gulped back down the lump forming in my throat, I don't want to cry in front of her. But if she continues with this affection, then I will lose control on myself and I don't think I would like to do that.

I looked at her with a smile on my face, trying to push back my thoughts. "Ammi! How are you?" I asked her trying to start a conversation with her.

"I'm fine Alhamdulillah. What about you Atifa?" She questioned back.

"I'm fine too Alhamdulillah." I replied, unsure of what else to say.

"I- uhh..." She hesitated before sighing. She stared in the distance for a while, as if preparing herself for whatever she wanted to tell me.

"Ammi I forgot to tell you, Emaan is coming home tomorrow and she will stay for the night." I squeezed her hands lightly and tried to make her at ease. Her gaze turned towards me.

"Alright, ask her to come here early. Maybe even have her lunch here." She replied with a smile.

I was surprised at her request. But then again, almost everything which happened today was surprising. "Okay I will ask her." I nodded my head.

"I want you to get married to him. You know... Alayna's brother. He is a nice guy. He will keep you happy, I know that. Uhm... Will you agree?" After a while she broke the silence. Although I already knew she would ask me this or at least tell me about it, I was still shocked.

"Uhh... Ammi, I- I..." I didn't know what or how to answer her, so I trailed off. My mind going haywire once again. My thoughts all jumbled up.

"I know this is sudden and I don't want your answer today, maybe by tomorrow afternoon you can let me know?" She said and then, as an afterthought, continued. "And I will be very happy if you agree."

I was at loss of words and I didn't know what to say or do, so I just nodded my head and continued to stare off in the distance. This time, she squeezed my hands lightly and I glanced at her. Smiling at me, she hugged me and I returned her hug, still lost in my thoughts.

"You should sleep now, it's getting late." She told me while standing up.

"Yeah, I will." I looked up at her and forced a smile.

"Good night, take care and sleep well beta." She said, now walking towards the door.

"Good night ammi." I replied watching her but not really seeing her.

"Allah hafiz." She turned around to look at me for one last time, gave me a warm smile and left.

"Allah hafiz." I whispered into the emptiness of the room as I laid down on my bed. But sleep was far away from me. It was as if after hearing those words from ammi, they decided to take shelter from someone else.

The thoughts which I tried to avoid so much the whole day, came rushing to me. I was left alone with them surrounding me. And this time, I couldn't even escape from them.

Why would ammi want me to get married so soon? What was so special about that guy? Am I ready to take this big step in my life? Do I really want to get married now? That too to some stranger? Wait, no actually, some irresponsible stranger. How can I forget that he left his sister alone in the park. How could he even? And now can I even trust him? What did ammi even saw in him which attracted her so much? And why was ammi suddenly acting like how she used to be? Is it really because of this guy? But for how long?

And what if I decline this offer? What if I disagree for this marriage? What will happen then? Will she still be like how she is being now? Or will she again go back to isolating herself and being cold?

I can't take that risk. I can't let her go back to being cold. I can't lose this treasure once again when I got a second chance. I don't know till when this will last, but I can't... I just can't let myself be the reason for it happening again. I don't know the answer yet but I'm sure about one thing. I will try my best to let my old ammi stay.

I tossed and turned in my bed restlessly for a while. And when I realised that I wouldn't be able to sleep this way, I got up from the bed and went to make wudu.

After coming back from the washroom, I took out my prayer mat and scarf and started praying two nafil raka'at's followed by the dua of Salat al-Istikharah.

Istikhara is done when we are not sure about something and are seeking answer for it. It is done when we want to know what is the best for us. It is a way of asking Allah to show us the right direction. To let us choose what is the best for us, to guide us, to show us a sign so that we can follow it.

It doesn't necessarily mean a person will see a dream, No. Rather after doing istikhara, Allah guides a person to the right choice through different means, only he knows best.

According to Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 21, number 263 :

Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah : The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to teach his companions to make Istikharah in all things, just as he used to teach them Surahs from the Qur'an. He (SAW) said: 'If any one of you is concerned about a decision he has to make, (or in the version narrated by Ibn Mas'ood as: 'if any one of you wants to do something...) then let him pray two rak'ahs of non-obligatory prayer and say (after the Salah) the below dua.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلاَ أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

Allahumma innee astakheeruka bi ilmika wa-astaqdiruka biqudratika wa-as'aluka min fadhlika al-adheem. Fa innaka taqdiru walaa aqdiru. Wa ta'lamu walaa a'alamu wa anta allaamul ghuyoob. Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna haadhal-amr khayrun liy fiy deeniy wa-ma'aashiy wa-'aaqibat amriy, faqdur hu liy wa- liy thumma baarik liy feehi. Wa in-kunta ta'lamu anna haadhal amr sharrun liy fiy deeniy wa-ma'aashiy wa-'aaqibat amriy. Fa asrifhu 'annee wa-srifni 'anhu. Wa aqdur lial khayra haythu kaana thumma a-rdhiniy bihee

(At both instances where "haadhal amr" appears, mention affair here) Translation:

O Allah! Behold I ask You the good through Your Knowledge, and ability through Your Power, and beg (Your favour) out of Your infinite Bounty. For surely You have Power; I have none. You know all; I know not. You are the Great Knower of all things.
O Allah! If in Your Knowledge this matter be good for my faith (Deen), for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then ordain it for me, and make it easy for me, and bless me therein. But if in Your Knowledge, this matter be bad for my faith (Deen), for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then turn it away from me, and turn me away therefrom, and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to please with it.

Surely if there is any good for me in this matter then Allah will bless me with it and guide me towards it.

With this thought in my mind I kept the prayer mat and scarf in it's place before going to sleep. This time the sleep overcoming me as soon as I recited the duas.

._._._.

GLOSSARY :

- Subhan Allah - Subhan Allah comprises of 2 words from Arabic origin. Subhan Means Free Of Errors, Perfect, Complete, etc and Allah is the name of God.
All together it means praise to be Allah who made this beautiful thing.

- Quran - The book of Allah.

- Surah - Chapter of the Quran.

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